Worthlessness

I am single and I'm 19 years old never had a boyfriend. I'm a virgin and I was neglected by my parents at a very young age. I have no friends whatsoever! As a result of being single for so long and never having a guy express interest or asking me out on a date I feel like if I'm lucky to be asked out it's only because the guy feels sorry and I feel that there is something very wrong with me and that I don't ever wanna make a guy be with me because of my flaws. I did have a brief relationship with a guy over the phone but it didn't turn out... he broke off all contact and he was very mean to me. I feel like that was all the validation I needed to realize I was totally unlovable. Advice needed!!

No one is unlovable, the fact that you had a relationship with the guy meant he loved you at one time. I always envied women. From my experience, there is never a shortage of guys that would jump at the chance of dating a girl, although it is hard to say that for the other way around. Maybe you should try asking guys out on a date?

As a fellow person who is also single, good luck and I hope you find your one and only.

Even the Elephant Man had people who loved him and cherished time spent with him. Cheer up, life is not so bad for you. And if it were, look on the bright side - someday it would make a really good book.

talk to some guys! make the first move. you'll never get anyone by just sitting around for someone to find you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bluberryblub [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I am single and I'm 19 years old never had a boyfriend. I'm a virgin and I was neglected by my parents at a very young age. I have no friends whatsoever! As a result of being single for so long and never having a guy express interest or asking me out on a date I feel like if I'm lucky to be asked out it's only because the guy feels sorry and I feel that there is something very wrong with me and that I don't ever wanna make a guy be with me because of my flaws. I did have a brief relationship with a guy over the phone but it didn't turn out... he broke off all contact and he was very mean to me. I feel like that was all the validation I needed to realize I was totally unlovable. Advice needed!!

---

You're single: That is great!
Never had a boyfriend and you're a virgin: THIS IS EVEN BETTER!!!! Why?
You haven't yet had your heart broken by a manipulator who sees these traits as an easy target for being used/lied to.

Being neglected by your parents at a very young age sucks: I know the feeling. So how old are your siblings?
A couple of things to tell you (don't take this personal) k?

At 19 you are now an adult...
Taking responsibility for what you "feel" concerning your parents when you were young is the first step.
This doesn't mean you hold onto this pain forever. It means you must face the reality of what had happened
and find closure so that you can take responsibility for your part: using this as an excuse/a crutch for your own
choices and actions leading up to this point. You cannot use it as an excuse and as an adult. Ask yourself how
can you attain a loving and stable relationship while you harbor this pain? Will you latch on to the next guy you meet
hoping he won't neglect you as well? It isn't healthy for you at all.


There is nothing wrong with YOU...
There is only something wrong with how you feel about yourself and how you unknowingly project this
negativity outward: for everyone to see! You are now responsible for your perception of yourself
which in turn is how people get the vibe from these false views of yourself: changing them is the key.

Having a relationship over the phone is NOT the way to meet people nor how to be validated.
You are not totally unlovable don't you see that?

The fact that you reached out to the forum, and are very eloquent in your writing tells me
you are lovable and just have to love and appreciate yourself before you can take the next step.

Be positive, if you have issues with your appearance why not change it?
I don't mean become someone else, I mean become you! We all have flaws.

What are these flaws anyway (if you don't mind me asking)
I just want to better understand why you feel the way you do.

Parents should love their children and believe me...
There IS a reason why you feel this way and why they have "neglected" you.

Can you tell us more?
I really want to help you if you just take a chance...

Here is a bit of a different approach.

What do you enjoy doing? What are you good at? Find something, a hobby or a skill you want to learn and go after it. If you are in college now, continue on that path, but find something you enjoy doing in your spare time. Me? I love photography and shooting guns and the outdoors. I have met so many people through photography it is amazing. Most my good friends I have today are because of it. In fact, the past THREE girlfriends I've had have been somehow through photography. One was a fellow photographer, another was a girl I met through a photographer friend, the third was a model/photographer I worked with.

So why find a hobby?
1. It can help you meet new people.
2. If/when you really get into it and start getting better, it will boost your self-esteem. People are most happy when they are in the pursuit of a dream or goal. It feels good to be getting better at something, improving, growing. That's just the way it is. And that will spill over into other areas of your life.
3. People are most attractive when they are happy, smiling, and doing something they love.

Oh and if you try something but turn out not to be any good, don't worry about it! Keep looking until you find something, you WILL find something if you are persistent enough. That is just part of life!

The Little Engine that Could for the win!

Thanks everyone who's replied/repying to this post. SelflessnHumble: Your response was by far the best piece of advice I'v gotten. Everyday-- I think about what I did wrong to not have a]set of loving parents. My mom takes care of my 10 year old half-brother with his father and they live like 15 minutes away from me and my sisters ages 12, 20, 26 (she's mentally ill) and me 19 years old will visit her. She tells us she loves us and is very nice-- but she doesn't see to it that my sisters and I are taken care of physically-- like, taking us to the doctor's or seeing to it that we had food and clothes.

I have a borderline deformity (my jaw is super square and short... I have really no cheeks and a piece of a cheekbone. My facial features are big for my small face). My dad was always in and out of jail for drugs and he'd abuse my mom and my mom started seeing a truck driver and now has a child with him. I recently had an uncle visit my grandma whom I live with and he said he'd visit soon and it's been 7 months now. Feeling again like it's something my siblings and I did. I can't carry on a conversation on with guys on the phone-- I'm so hurt. I get embarrassed when I'm out with my grandma instead of my mom or dad and see others with I'm asuming their parents. I just feel like they're feeling sorry for me.

I'm scared of getting into an intimate relationship for fear my guy will leave unexpectedly like so many people in my life have. I feel responsible for others' feelings such as them being sad, mad, depressed, suicidal and unhappy. Like I'm a burden to the world. I just wanted to give more details about my life.