Non-exsistent sex life after 3 yrs!! HELP!

We have been together for over 3 yrs, hes 31 im 29. we have had are share of problems, but have always gotten threw them. I knew when we first started dating he like porn, i didnt have a problem with it, we watched it together. Had a great sex life for the 1st 2 yrs.
Needless to say for the past year it has dwindled down to nothing, its horrible. if i'm lucky forplay once a month, usually woken up at 4am by it. He still watches porn all the time, now w/out me.... Which now bothers me, cause are sex life is nothing. I know for a fact he is not cheating on me. I have done everything to get threw to him, cried, screamed, letters, talks etc... He has every excuse, im to tired, im to drunk, you didnt try anything, its to late, to early etc...
So I come on to him, and again same excuses. He still tells me he loves me, im beautiful, hes attractive to me. I'm a extremely sexual person, and he's always known that, he was once too. Its killing me inside. I love him so much, but i cant take care of it "myself" much longer. He always says he will try to make it better, "Rome wasnt built over night", is his usual comment. I need and want attention and intimacy, I dont understand what is going on?!?! I've heard "he's probably depressed, which yes that could be some of it. We have both been laid off since last june. It sux, but he's having the time of his life, plays games all day, sleeps till noon, watches porn, does absolutly nothing. While i do understand im currently laid off too , but i'm cleaning, cooking, errands, kids etc, while he does nothing. Is it to much to have sex maybe just maybe at least once a week. Please someone try to tell me why this is going on!?!?

Rome wasn't built over a night, he's right.

But for most, an orgasm doesn't take centuries to achieve.

Can you dedicate a weekend or even an evening at a hotel or something? Just go out relax and have wild sex in a room you don't have to worry about cleaning up?

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Rome wasn't built over a night, he's right.

But for most, an orgasm doesn't take centuries to achieve.

Can you dedicate a weekend or even an evening at a hotel or something? Just go out relax and have wild sex in a room you don't have to worry about cleaning up?

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It's a great idea.

They say that having sex in a nice hotel room is also great because it's unfamiliar.

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Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's a great idea.

They say that having sex in a nice hotel room is also great because it's unfamiliar.

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My conception was a great idea.

ever tried getting him drunk?

The guy is unemployed. I don't think spending money on motel rooms would be a fiscally responsible thing to do. Also, alcohol is a CNS depressant, which is not good for sex. He needs to cut out the porn. You have been replaced by a bunch of airbrushed images. Maybe you can try sex addicts anonymous, or something like that, because even though I don't believe in sexual addictions, if HE can be convinced he has a problem, he might start shaping up. Other than that, I would suggest you get rid of him and find someone who values a real live woman more than porn.

Maybe he just doesn't want to sleep with you anymore because he finds it boring?

Do men seriously consider porn to be a better solution to boredom than stating what they want? Really? :surprised:

I can't help but think back to Charlieboy saying that women are dumb to underestimate the threat porn can be to a relationship.

did you get fat?? nah hahah i dunno....

have you ever thought of bring it up with him?

raverboy

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Originally Posted by Illusional [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

did you get fat?? nah hahah i dunno....

have you ever thought of bring it up with him?

raverboy

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LOL NOOO i didnt get fat! he's the one that actually put on the weight, but i dont care im still way attractive to him. Of course i bring it up, no sex is ususally the basis of arguments. And some how he always turns it around on me. He asked me to change some things about myself (to emotional, over analyzing everything) and i'm changing, i'm trying, he says i will do these things if i care about him and our relationship. well wouldnt he do something about are sex life if he cared..... I never ever would talk about other men or say comments about getting attention from them. But now i have found myself speaking more openly about, liking attention from other men, since i dont get any at home. I just want him to see somehow some way what he is doing to me.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do men seriously consider porn to be a better solution to boredom than stating what they want? Really? :surprised:

I can't help but think back to Charlieboy saying that women are dumb to underestimate the threat porn can be to a relationship.

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I totally agree with you. I dont get it, there is many men out there that complain they dont get it from there girls anymore, and i'm in the complete opposite situtation.

haha i had to ask that question because i'm sure many people won't, but they are wondering about it.

anyhow, cheat cheat cheat!! if he's always going to turn things around on you should get yours. or atleast hint at him that you'll leave him.

raverboy

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do men seriously consider porn to be a better solution to boredom than stating what they want? Really? :surprised:

I can't help but think back to Charlieboy saying that women are dumb to underestimate the threat porn can be to a relationship.

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Depends upon whether or not the man feels that the woman actually ever listens to what he wants to be quite honest. For example, if I say I do not want flowers in the bedroom. It means I do not want flowers in the bedroom. Not in a vase, not on the curtains, not on the pillow sham. None. NADA.

Now, does that seem like an unreasonable request? Well, for a lot of women, yes it is. Because they like a bedroom filled with such things.

Now, some people (women) will say, OK, that seems kind of unreasonable. I wonder what other demands you make about the home environment? The answer, not many. No flowers in the bedroom, no TV in the bedroom, and no cluttering the house with tchotchkes (triggers my add/depression)... Not difficult really, yet my ex wife ignored all of this, repeatedly.

Why a man would rather look at porn than sleep with a woman he's in a relationship with? I've said it before, and I'll said it again, "There's a hell of a lot less hassle to jerking off than trying to sleep with someone whom you feel ignores your basic needs."

If you feel they ignore you, why would you keep trying to talk to them about it?

You want to know why he's not sleeping with you? Because your relationship SUCKS. You're having major relationship issues, and you're so clueless about it because you think it's about sex.

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Originally Posted by clintsgirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

LOL NOOO i didnt get fat! he's the one that actually put on the weight, but i dont care im still way attractive to him. Of course i bring it up, no sex is ususally the basis of arguments. And some how he always turns it around on me. He asked me to change some things about myself (to emotional, over analyzing everything) and i'm changing, i'm trying, he says i will do these things if i care about him and our relationship. well wouldnt he do something about are sex life if he cared..... I never ever would talk about other men or say comments about getting attention from them. But now i have found myself speaking more openly about, liking attention from other men, since i dont get any at home. I just want him to see somehow some way what he is doing to me.

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Yep, I nailed it. Your relationship SUCKS. He's TIRED OF YOUR SHIT.

You want him to somehow some way see what he is doing to you? What about what you're doing to him? You're making all of this out to be about you and your needs, and never once asked the question about what needs of his you're not meeting.

Apparently because he's a guy he doesn't have needs, and is utterly stoic, and ready to **** you at the drop of a hat? Sorry lady, guys really don't work that way.

I don't care how hot you are, somewhere there is someone who is tired of your shit and cannot be bothered to sleep with you. This is a universal truism that exists for every person on the planet. Somewhere there is someone who is tired of your shit. It sounds like your man is tired of your shit.

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Originally Posted by clintsgirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I totally agree with you. I dont get it, there is many men out there that complain they dont get it from there girls anymore, and i'm in the complete opposite situtation.

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So, imagine you get sex once every 3 months. After a lot of pleading, and begging, and whatever else you did finally get sex... It was on their terms, how they wanted, when they wanted it, and never on yours.

Sex is very important and integral to a relationship, but it is also a good indicator of when something else is REALLY WRONG with your relationship. Especially when it drops off the radar.