New relationship dying already?

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20-03-11, 09:32 AM
am_i_serious?

New relationship dying already?

Hi, im new to Loveforum,

As per my intro post, I havnt dated for 14 years, Im 33 and although my motto was not to jump into anything too serious, 3 weeks ago I met a man who is 26. We just made eye contact at the local pub, I hadnt seen him out before and he just started talking to me and I him, we spoke for an hour and then when I had to go, he asked for my number, I usually dont give mine out to anyone but he turned out to be a friend of my sisters and I just had a feeling this guy was ok.

So thats when the constant texting began, he was like a jack russel, I was constantly replying, and when I didnt he asked why I had gone quiet. He was keen to meet up with me again so 4 days later we did and thats when it all started, he was keen to come out and constantly texting me. I thought this pup wouldnt slow, 3 weeks later he has. No where near as much texting, but if I dont reply he does text and say things like, so how is your day? He still wants to see me, I live half hour drive from him and he is keen to drive out, but he is just so laid back now I dont know how he feels???
He says he likes me, he says he wants to be exclusive, (that was his suggestion in the first week!) but yet one would be forgiven for thinking I was just a mate he sleeps with -(however not all the time).

I have asked him where all the sweet texts from the begining are gone and he just goes quiet. But he still wants to see me???

Im not sure what to make of it. If the spark has gone, then why bother seeing me?? He hugs and kisses me each time we see eachother, but he just doesnt say any of the things he did 2 weeks ago...

He has had several "psycho" girlfriends but the longest relationship lasted over a year and she burned him bad. He says he is wanting to take it slow cause he doesnt want to get hurt, I understand completely and agree. But If there is no spark from him what can I do about that?, I havent felt that stuff for a very long time and LOVE it!! Its my favourtie feeling in the world.

I like him, I do.
Any thoughts or advice welcome, thanks in advance.
20-03-11, 10:19 AM
xxazurexx

So he was texting all the time and wanted exclusive.

He got sex, now doesn't text as much and now decided after sex, he wants to take it slow. If he wanted to take it slow, he wouldn't be having sex with you yet.

What this guy is really after is, SEX and without the strings of a relationship. All the texting and sweet talk in the beginning, was to get into your knickers.

Quit having sex with him....then see what happens.
20-03-11, 10:25 AM
Ric

I have to agree with Azure. First he put in the effort to get you laid, now he can't be bothered much anymore. Doesn't mind if he still get laid, but as he already bed you, he won't care if he loses contact with you either.
20-03-11, 10:37 AM
am_i_serious?

Thanks for your replies, thats what I was worried about, even re-reading my own post I could tell.
But what baffles me is he drives half hour to see me, sex is not always an option, he doesnt get it everytime, once he hung out with my son and I for an entire afternoon and that was after we had had sex twice. (not on the same day,lol) He texts me when I dont text him, and he is happy just to come over and sit in front of the Tv. But he has said the sex is really good so he could be putting in an effort??? , but he knows heaps of young girls in town so I didnt think there would be a shortage??

Can guys just get comfy and not feel like putting in an effort anymore? I thought that was supposed to happen WAY down the track!
20-03-11, 10:44 AM
Ric

Quote:

Originally Posted by am_i_serious? [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for your replies, thats what I was worried about, even re-reading my own post I could tell.
But what baffles me is he drives half hour to see me, sex is not always an option, he doesnt get it everytime, once he hung out with my son and I for an entire afternoon and that was after we had had sex twice. (not on the same day,lol) He texts me when I dont text him, and he is happy just to come over and sit in front of the Tv. But he has said the sex is really good so he could be putting in an effort??? , but he knows heaps of young girls in town so I didnt think there would be a shortage??

Can guys just get comfy and not feel like putting in an effort anymore? I thought that was supposed to happen WAY down the track!

It's possible, just unlikely. Every guy is different.
Personally I'm one of those guys that will never stop putting in effort. So I guess the opposite might be there too.

However, it is more than likely that it's just wishful thinking. But if you don't want to give up and accept the idea he just used you for sex, let him know in no unclear ways that if he is interested in you he better clearly show it.
20-03-11, 11:19 AM
keri hype

Hi i'm new here too and i am glad that ur trying to get back out there!! from what i have red the "relationship"
has already lost it's sparks and to continue with it might just burn u both..And on the other hand u have to know if ur happy and comfortable with him although there
is no sparks look every body want to be in love so if u think u and this guy has a chance then my advice is to go for it but be careful and take things slow ok :D.............

(Deuces)
20-03-11, 08:49 PM
xxazurexx

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ric [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's possible, just unlikely. Every guy is different.
Personally I'm one of those guys that will never stop putting in effort. So I guess the opposite might be there too.

However, it is more than likely that it's just wishful thinking. But if you don't want to give up and accept the idea he just used you for sex, let him know in no unclear ways that if he is interested in you he better clearly show it.

That would be then 'forcing' him to show an interest.

Her best bet is to stop having sex with him. To tell him that she too feels it was rushed, she also wants to take it slow, in the same way he said he wanted to take it slow. If he genuinely likes her, he's gonna respect her decision and he's gonna stick around.
When the sex supply is cut off and he retreats further.....he was using her.
21-03-11, 01:35 AM
VincenzoG91

Quote:

Originally Posted by am_i_serious? [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi, im new to Loveforum,

As per my intro post, I havnt dated for 14 years, Im 33 and although my motto was not to jump into anything too serious...

Is that a typo, or have you truly not dated in 14 years? Because that seems like the elephant in the room. By age 33, you should already have enough dating experience to know that a guy who wants to be exclusive on the first week has possibly got some serious issues. Another red flag is a guy who claims he has had several psycho ex-girlfriends. Odds are, he is the psycho, and he is incapable of understanding normal people, so he labels them as pyschos.
21-03-11, 12:22 PM
am_i_serious?

Hi VincenzoG91, no its not a typo, I got married at 18, then 8years later, started a consecutive relationship and married the man, who I never really dated, due to it being a result of an affair. Yeah not smart. I know. I separated from this marriage due to his manhandling me 4 months ago.

Well, by the end of yesterday, I was not convinced that he was wanting to reciprocate any feelings, despite his first rapid "I cant wait to see you again!" textfire in the begining.
I re-read over some of those jack russell texts, and yes you would be forgiven for thinking it wasnt the same guy.

So I ended it with him today. He said he was sorry he couldnt give me what I wanted (which was the way he made me feel two weeks earlier, not exactly his firstborn). So I said I cant live not feeling special to some degree and left.

So somebody STOP me from contacting him again!!!!!!
It was only 3 weeks and my first go back on the horse, I know we wanted to take it slow but it was grinding to a painful halt.
21-03-11, 08:47 PM
VincenzoG91

I keep forgetting who says it around here, but one of our regulars (maybe Vashti) says that a woman should never chase after a man or a bus. The next one will be along soon enough.

So forget this guy and move on. Put yourself out there and start dating again. The purpose of a first date is not to launch a new relationship, but to get to know somebody that you might potentially get involved with. So you need more first dates in the near future, to get a feel for dating again and to meet a variety of guys.
22-03-11, 01:34 AM
xxazurexx

Quote:

Originally Posted by am_i_serious? [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi VincenzoG91, no its not a typo, I got married at 18, then 8years later, started a consecutive relationship and married the man, who I never really dated, due to it being a result of an affair. Yeah not smart. I know. I separated from this marriage due to his manhandling me 4 months ago.

Well, by the end of yesterday, I was not convinced that he was wanting to reciprocate any feelings, despite his first rapid "I cant wait to see you again!" textfire in the begining.
I re-read over some of those jack russell texts, and yes you would be forgiven for thinking it wasnt the same guy.

So I ended it with him today. He said he was sorry he couldnt give me what I wanted (which was the way he made me feel two weeks earlier, not exactly his firstborn). So I said I cant live not feeling special to some degree and left.

So somebody STOP me from contacting him again!!!!!!
It was only 3 weeks and my first go back on the horse, I know we wanted to take it slow but it was grinding to a painful halt.

If he couldn't and wasn't prepared to give you what you wanted....then what is the point in continuing on with him?
If you were just looking for fun, no strings, I'd have said go ahead.
But if you are looking for something 'serious', it's best to look for a guy who wants the same and because you won't ever get committment from this guy.

And good on ya for not settling for any less, than you deserve.

Many women would have stuck around, continuing to disrespect themselves by putting out and hoping he'd change. If a guy doesn't want anything serious, an extra few times at sex won't and doesn't change his mind.
22-03-11, 03:00 PM
am_i_serious?

Thanks again guys,
I made the mistake of overlooking my own feelings in my second marriage to be messed about again. Oh well, it was a minor injury to the ego, but off we go again!
I just liked the thought of having someone to go to dinner and the movies with!