Long Read : My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me
Sorry to lumber this on you guys, I truly am grateful to anyone who can help me through this tough time.
My girlfriend left me on wednesday after we have been together for 14 months, Yesterday was our 14 month mark.
Where to start really ! Well, I have never been so in love with anyone in my life, I'm 19 and shes 17, Everything was so perfect, We where so perfect together. Everyone who know us said how much we loved each other, We would constantly tell each other how much we love each other, We where un separable. We've been having a few small arguments in the past 2 months, Nothing serious, Nothing that would indicate a break up is on the cards, I haven't cheated on her nor has she cheated on me. Shes had a rocky tough up bringing, Where noone really loved her, Its been hard for her, I am her first love. I've been unemployed since February since loosing my job, And i suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder so i find getting back into work tough. She tried talking to me the other day, I had just found out my nan had passed away a few weeks ago, Noone had said anything sooner because i don't know my real dad, And my distant sister who i've never met but have been talking to each other on the web the last 2 years has been talking to me. On the wednesday when i found out, My girlfriend came round to talk about problems in our relationship, She started crying, We went upstairs to talk to each other, She said something along the lines of i don't love her, So i just reached breaking point and threw a bowl at my wall and walked out (I have never done anything like this), Bearing in mind shes been brought up in an environment where her parents constantly argue and throw things, and smash things (What an idiot i am !) i never thought of this at the time.
She broke up with me later that night by phone, Telling me i've hurt her. I've apologized for everything that i have done to her, I was so out of order i cry because that one moment of madness has destroyed my beautiful relationship. Anyways, I spend thursday recovering so to speak, I cried so hard over loosing her, My mum had to comfort me, Because i had a panic attack.
I really hurt her in February, I went out on a 23 night drunken rampage with my friends, Going out to the pub and getting drunk everyday, Because of this i wasn't there to comfort her at home after she had a throat operation, I failed her so badly, I also messed up valentines day, She blames this for the reason of breaking up aswell. I've been t-total for 4 months, Because i promised her i would change.
By the end of thursday this week i was 'Getting over her' So to say, I have had the most amazing support from friends and family over this, I had ignored her texts, And calls (Which was so hard), deleted her number so i couldn't contact her. She went out that night and got drunk with her friends, She then strolled over to my house, Knocked on my door, And broke down in tears, I couldn't get her to stand up because she was crying so hard, Telling me she had made mistake, That she loves me still, That shes going to end her life now, That she can't take anymore. I went against myself and comforted her, Told her everything would be ok, Walked her home, She told me she would call me in the morning. Which she did, We spoke for a while, Heres what she has told me.
She cant get back with me because she doesn't want to feel hurt or to hurt me, She doesn't want to see me anymore because she doesn't want to give me false hope, She still loves me and misses me, And she still texts me.
I personally feel asif she wants the relationship, But in the same light has had enough of being hurt and is punishing herself.
What can i do ? I am so lost right now, Shes stolen my dreams, I don't dream anymore, I fear sleeping, I am ill through depression, I have cried so hard and so much.
What can i say, Or Do that would make her see i'm not going to hurt her again ? She won't let me have that chance, That one chance i need to show we can get through this.
Sorry for bringing my problems here, I'm such a mess right now.
