"I just want you to know I don't like you."
The other night, I was at a party with a bunch of my friends. The boy that I have idolized for close to six years was there - we can call him Ryan. He said hello to me and we made brief small talk. After a few drinks, I was conversing with friend (Ben) who is also close friends with Ryan. Somehow it came up that he knew that I liked Ryan. As I started to deny it, another mutual friend of Ryan and me walked up and asked what we were talking about. He then paused and said wait, does it start with a R? I couldn't believe that they knew. To top it off, another friend walked in and I asked if this was some kind of running joke and they all knew about it. All three of them said it wasn't a big deal that they knew. For a girl though, it is hard to walk around a room full of people who know that you like a boy that is not seeking you out in any way. It made me feel insecure so I responded by being defensive. Ben told me that I really had two choices, I could have him if I wanted, I would just have to be the one to initiate it or I could act like I don't care and tell him that I don't like him. Naturally, I decided to protect myself and decided to tell him that even though he and all his friends think that I like him, there is no truth in that and I don't know who started it. Upon waking up the next morning, I felt terrible. Should I apologize? Should I tell him that it is true and explain why I reacted in such a way?