Need advice...do I stay or do I go....
Hi I'm new - I apologise now as this is a bit long and rambling....I've been with my guy now for almost two years, he's never hit me, abused me and he doesn't drink much, doesn't smoke or leave the toilet seat up....and to start with everything was so amazing we even talked about marriage on a regular basis until recently. A few months in his parents stuck their oar in and started making a fuss about me, cos he's religious and I'm not. And we were living together and they didn't like that one bit.
That created a lot of friction between us as he didn't want to stand up to them. Anyway, we had a normal sex life until then, and then it started to bother him because of his religion, so he said he wanted us to stop having sex, which I reluctantly agreed to as I felt I couldn't exactly force him and make him feel guilty every time! He lasted two weeks and then changed his mind. So he decided he just wanted us to have sex less - quality not quantity- and he didn't want either of us to mastubate and he was going to stop looking at porn.
Weeks later, by chance, I found out he'd been looking at porn on a regular basis even though I'd been asking him regularly how he was doing with giving up and giving him the opportunity to tell me if he'd been weak. I confronted him as I felt so betrayed. Anyway, he was very sorry, blah blah blah, and just as I was starting to get over it he did it again! I was seriously very very upset again and all trust went out the window, he said he only did it when he was stressed blah blah blah.....anyway, so I pretty much said to him, look you're being a hypocrite, you're sleeping with me, looking at porn and so on, yet you're putting on this image of a wholesome christian boy.
I said that in my opinion, it would seem that his religion was causing him conflict and didn't seem to sit well with him at all as he was just walking around feeling guilty and ashamed all the time. So I told him, either do it properly, no sex, no masturbating and deffo no porn or don't do it at all and stop trying to be something you're not.
So of course, he wanted to do it properly.....so although we've been living together and noone knows any different, we've not had sex in about 10 months and every time we fooled around I would have to be on guard for him getting too affectionate and try not to let myself get carried away, the result is that now I tense up on the rare occasions that he gets affectionate and I just want him to get off me, I'm fine with him hugging me and kisses, but nothing more, though I haven't brought myself to tell him. This upsets me as before I was relaxed in this area and fairly confident. Now I feel like it's something to be ashamed and my sexuality has been suffocated. Am I wrong to feel like this?
Come to the present day, I'm depressed from two bereavements several months ago and I'm miserable. Although I do have a very great affection for him I think I can still call love, I don't share his religious sentiments, and he seems to be a sponge for affection and being looked after, leaving me to feel like I'm giving a lot more than I'm getting, not to mention the lack of sex as to me sex is a natural healthy expression of affection and love.
We've drifted so far apart due to different work schedules in the last few months and now we're both tired and overworked and hardly see each other - not even for a meal together - that I feel like I can't carry on - I feel more like he's my friend than anything else and he prioritises church and football over time with me. He bought me a dress last birthday which was to take me out in....it's still sitting in the cupboard unworn....that was almost 11 months ago.
He's over-tired and can't put in the effort to try to fix things, so I broached the subject of me moving back with my family/having a trial separation so we can just focus on ourselves and see how we feel, but I feel my stomach wrench every time I think about us breaking up as he's the sort that will get really depressed and upset, to the point that he doesn't even like having serious talks as all he says is - 'I don't know' and looks at the floor - which makes me feel like a terrible person and very guilty, but I'm starting to feel as though we won't ever make each other happy in the long-term.
As you can tell...I need some straight talking help.....am I doing the right thing?! It was so good just a few months ago, how can it have changed so much!
