Breakup: Am I Unclear or Focusing on the Wrong Issues
I broke up with my boyfriend almost a few weeks ago. The main issue for me was how he acted in public. Multiple times over and over again he would shout male and female genitalia out in public and in front of my friends, openly discuss sexual instruments and acts in public, despite my (and my friends) protests telling him it was inappropriate.
Also, there was one night he was very disrespectful to me in front of his friends and sister at a party. He kept grabbing me too openly, including biting my breasts, didn't stop making out with me when I didn't want to when we were alone (I thought someone would come in) and then his friends did come in, totally embarrassing me. To be fair, he was dead drunk that night, apologized for his actions, and said I deserved better. I forgave him because I genuinely believed he didn't mean to hurt my feelings and my pride.
I talked to him about how I felt about his behavior in public after he joined me at my friend's funeral wake. She was a coworker, a friend, and a good friend's girlfriend. She suddenly died and I was really upset, so I asked my boyfriend to come with me. During the wake, I became really emotional and went outside. He decided to try to cheer me up by shouting male genitalia, just to see if anyone heard us outside. I considered this very disrespectful to my friend, everyone at the wake, and to me and decided this was becoming a problem.
Essentially, he said he would do better. However, this has happened so many times and I tried my best to express my discontent, that I became very weary of his behavior in public.
One night me, him, and a couple of friends went out together. One of my friends made a passing comment about his sexual life. It was something that didn't need a response back, but my then bf did. He commented on how our sexual life was fine, that everything was good and all set in that department. My friend reacted saying how he didn't need/want to know that, it was too much info, etc. My other friend commented how embarrassed I looked, as I was because he just revealed something I didn't want my friends knowing about my sexual life. As in, that I was active, not a virgin, who my first was, etc.
I thought his reaction was too revealing and made me feel embarrassed, not only by the information but also by my friends reactions. Beforehand, I've told him many times I like to keep my sexual life private, especially from my friends. I talked to him that night alone and said I preferred he not say anything about our sexual life to anyone. He said he was trying to defend himself by my friend's comment on his sexual life. The conversation escalated to more than I wanted to. He said he sometimes says stupid things, it's a part of his personality, I was being insecure, and he's not going to change. But what I ultimately had concern with was when he said that he would say the same thing again, despite knowing it makes me feel bad and embarrassed. This hurt because I wanted to keep this about our relationship private and he completely disregarded my feelings. I even told him to defend himself, encouraged it if he felt like he had to, just leave our sexual life out of it. Like maybe say something like "That comment about my sexual life was uncalled for, and it shows no respect for me and my gf" or something like that.
I would have forgiven him if he wouldn't say it again after knowing how it made me felt, but he said he would do it again even though it would embarrass me, hurt my pride, and make me feel disrespected. So I ended it because I feel like he didn't consider my feelings at all, in order for him to save face. Although, not just because of that, but also because I felt we were two different people and we weren't right for each other. He was too bold and I was too conservative.
The reason I'm here: I keep analyzing the fact maybe I didn't get my point clear or am I focusing on the wrong things.
I may have some bias because of my past. When I was young, I have had my feelings completely disregarded before by my educators when they unjustly put me in a disability program against me and my parents will (I was doing well in school, they put me in so they could keep their job due to a headcount, I just had some hearing problems), which seriously hurt my ego. It hurt my confidence because what was done, was constantly made public to my peers at school and they stigmatized me for it, which was unfair to me because it was under circumstances I couldn't control based on health issues. It is a completely different issue, but I keep relating it to how I felt when my bf disregarded my feelings. What he did scares me deeply because it felt like I was heading towards feelings I buried in my past: which were feelings of depression, betrayal, and wanting to end my life.
I'm sorry this is so long already, and I feel like I left a lot unexplained about my past but wanted to keep it short. It's hard to get the whole situation down, so if I left something important out, please feel free to ask.
