Originally Posted by
MortensOrchid
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I think what has hurt me the most out of all things is the fact that it just keeps happening over and over and I get conflicting messages. One person told me that the idiots who dump me don't deserve me and they end up rightfully with the trashy girls because that's what they deserve. That may be true but then why do I end up with these losers to begin with? I wanted to be an actor at some point, no one will give me a part and I gave up. I wanted to be a black belt once, one of the sensais said he wanted to meet with me and said he thinks of me as an entitled person who thinks that they are something that they are not, mind my Ps & Qs and behave myself. There were other things he said (things I had done and said in the past), but I have talent that is being wasted. I went home and cried for about two hours after that. And I never went back to karate again. He wrote me an email saying he was concerned I heard his criticism and not his praise, he thinks I have what it takes but I have to leave things behind. He said I'm welcome to come back anytime. The rejection I mentioned, for some reason, really hit me hard and I felt like an idiot for even trying. But I was an adult about it, I erased his number from my phone and we'd never speak a word again.
I feel like I am not wanted by people, they think they are so important and they put down my self esteem because it makes them feel good about themselves. I never meet anyone without the internet and it's usually some one time encounter (as in you meet, have an evening and then you never hear a word again from them). I'm alone and not good enough to do certain things, I can't have things that others can/do because of that. No one wants me, and I have to accept that.