Not sure what I'm feeling, help!
Been with the guy about 6 months, we see each other probably 5 nights a week. Everything was fantastic last week. This week I'm feeling really miserable about things and I'm looking for some clarification on what I might actually be feeling and if I'm justified in being pissed off with him or if I just need to suck it up... and what's the best way to get back on track... here's what happened:
Friday night I'd had a really stressfull week at work and was reeeally loking forward to seeing him and relaxing after it. He called in the late afternoon to say he was going to go out with some friends that night. I was quite disappointed because I'd been looking foward to the evening so much, but we hadn't made any concrete plans -I'd just assumed we'd be seeing each other. So that was OK, I wasn't mad at all then, just dissappointed - but not his fault.
We spent Saturday evening/night together and Sunday morning, and it was nice. I left to run a few errands and go for a run in the early afternoon but we made plans (his suggestion) to see each other again in the evening. He called a few hours later to ask if I wanted to go out somewhere his friends were going that afternoon/evening... I kind of didn't but I could tell he really wanted to so said OK. He was already with his friends and went with them so I met him there. After a few hours I'd had enough and wanted to go. I should have just said so I suppose but instead I stayed and wasn't much fun to be around - just standing in a corner while everyone else was dancing... checking my watch constantly... I guess I was hoping he'd notice and say OK let's go.... eventually I did tell him I wanted to leave, he said yes we'll go soon but back to one of his friend's houses for a while first. I said no I'm going home now. He said don't you want to stay at my house? I said yes but I want to go now, so you stay with your friends and I'll go home ... I wasn't *really* happy about that but I could tell he preferred to stay and didn't want to drag him away from his friends... I regreted it as soon as I'd left, wished I'd just stuck it out for a while longer or told him I wanted to go and compromised on the time... but too late. Later I sent him a message apologising for being grumpy/boring that night and said I'd speak to him the next day... at this point I was feeling a bit sad and angry, partly at myself but also at him but I can't really put my finger on what he did wrong...
Monday night I called him after I finished work, he was just at home... I went over and stayed there the night, apologised again for being grumpy/boring, he didn't realy seem to care - wasn't mad about it in the first place... I still felt resentful or something towards him about the previous night... he commented that I seemed upset but I said I was fine bc I didn't understand what i was feeling and why. The night was pretty good otherwise...
Tuesday night I called him after I finished work again, he still had a few work related errands to run. He said a friend had come in from across state and was staying with him for the next two nights, maybe we would all go out for dinner together when he'd finished work, - he'd call me when he finished to let me know what was happening.... he never called that night. Now I was definitely upset and angry and had a reason I could point to. He called the next afternoon apparently unaware he'd done anything wrong and I told him off. He agreed he had done the wrong thing and apologised for that... but when I said it had made me feel really unimportant he basically said don't be ridiculous... So I feel like he thinks I was just nitpicking his behaviour... he was dismissive of how I felt because of it... that conversation ended pretty cordially with him not understanding why I was still cool towards him after he'd apologised...
Last night I called him after work again and he was with friends but said to come join them, so I did.... but it was like Sunday night all over again, - I wanted to leave after a few hours but he obviously didn't... I wished I'd just gone home after work but I was there and I didn't want it to end the same way as last time so I stuck it out for a while for his sake then said I wanted to leave, he said OK and we went back to his house. The way the whole week had played out had caught up with me by then and I was feeling really upset and confused about it all... I think just the fact that he was with his friends again instead of trying to see me after the conversation from the previous night made me feel bad.. I'm sure he wouldn't have called ME to invite me tohang with them, he would have called later when he was done just to check in and say goodnight... He kept asking what was wrong when we got back to his house and I kept saying nothing because I can't articulate anything about what I'm feeling.... now he's confused too and probably thinks his girlfriend is a psyho :(
Help please...
What am I feeling? Am I right to be feeling it? What can i do to move forwards?
Thanks