My boyfriend wants to have sex with a condom when I had the coil fitted 3 months ago.

I'm really enjoying being with my boyfriend, we are so into each other and we really want to have sex. He tells me he wants to and i do too!

I came of a huge rebound i was on for about 6 months, i had 2 months to mull how bad my mental health was getting, and after it all, 9 months later, i'm fine now and ready for something serious!

My current boyfriend never had a huge rebound, he broke up with his ex of 4 years(his only sexual partner and girlfriend), about 8 months ago, which was around the same time as me. He never had sex with anyone after that, unlike me. I went off and had sex with several guys (i was going through a bad phase and regret it :/)

After my rebound i had the coil fitted, this was about 3 months ago, i was with a guy and had a sexual relationship with him at the time. And i was never pregnant, it works like a charm. I cant have hormone contraception because it gives me headaches.

So now i'm with my current boyfriend & when we are about to have sex, he's hard, then he puts a condom on, we have sex for about 5 minutes, but he's not hard after 5 minutes, or even less!
I have tried to tell him that he shouldn't wear one, and i've assured him i won't get pregnant. but he believes that 1% chance, is a chance and a half to be pregnant, and he stresses the fact that the coil is only 99% effective. It frustrates me because i can see that the condom is the problem, as it must cut off some circulation. And he thinks i'm a rather sexual person so maybe he doesn't ant to disappoint too, but he really won't! I've said that he won't!

He tells me even with his ex girlfriend he was with, he never had a problem staying hard, with a condom on, and that it must be some psychological issue in his head. Also this has happened 3 times, each time we have attempted sex and have a few minutes of a good time. I think he thinks about the times before, and how he didn't stay hard and when he remembers during sex, he goes soft. When he pulled out the last time, i took off the condom and he went hard, straight away! He was still so turned on! (what does this say?)

Also, just before the 3rd time we had sex, he was slightly putting his dick in and out a little bit, without a condom on but he went to get one, because in himself he feels he has to wear one, he says he doesn't want to, but he has to!

I really don't know what to suggest to him anymore and it's becoming a little frustrating, and we have both said this to each other because we just want to have sex, but he always wants to use a condom. I can just see the condom is the problem. But i can't think of any other contraception for me to be on. I will wait until he is ready or whatever it takes because i want this to work.

Perhaps i should also mention that his ex said she had to have an abortion. This was near to the end of their break up, but i don't think she was telling the truth. He says that doesn't play on his mind, and i think she said it just to piss him off. Who knows. But he hates his ex so much, he would want her dead really, that's what he says. and he is well and truly over her!
He tells em he is scared to love again too, and he's frightened.

So what should i do? Or what can we both do? I really just want us to be able to have enjoyable sex. this condom and doubt vibe i'm getting every time is getting me down! i want him to be having a boner for hours! He won't mind me telling him i have written on this forum here. So i'll tell him about stuff you all say :)

Thank you for your replies in advance...!

CupcakeGal xxx

I love you.... lol kidding :P


Well, I never had that trouble. I don't have a big penis so I just use the normal ones. But have you tried using a different condom brand? Maybe a size larger? Just how big is that monster? I would also be scared of the 99%, because if you do hit that 1% then your entire life can change. The more, the better.

Considering you stating you have slept around quite a bit, perhaps it isn't pregnancy he is worried about, but rather STIs.

If he is masturbating at other times, tell him to stop. It may be desensitizing him.

I don't think the condom is the issue as hes functioned with one on before you say. Sounds more psychological and he may need to go explore that a little more, be it with you or a professional if need be. Regardless of that, he may also be in a cycle whereby he expects to go soft, this puts pressure on him, creates anxiety and then he does go soft. Reaffirming his anxieties the next time you try. I'd take the focus away from penetration for a while and pleasure each other in other ways until you build some more trust/become more comfortable and give him a chance to resolve what's on his mind.

moved to 'intimate forum'

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After my rebound i had the coil fitted, this was about 3 months ago, i was with a guy and had a sexual relationship with him at the time. And i was never pregnant, it works like a charm. I cant have hormone contraception because it gives me headaches.

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When is the last time you were tested for sexually transmitted deseases? You don't practice safe sex and you've had several partners. The ICK factor is wood losing worthy in itself if you think about it.

Before you go any further, talk openly about "what if in the event of pregnancy". This is something I feel anyone starting a sexual relationship needs to bring forward, to clarify responsibility and to decide to keep or not to keep. As for condoms, try using a female condom, where you just slip it inside yourself. They are more expensive, but it is worth a try. All you really can do from here on out is use good communication. We can only guess what's going on with him, he is the only one that can tell you.

I think Vashti's got it right - it's exactly what I was thinking on both counts.

If you talk to him about it - offer to get tested for sti's. If that's still an issue and it really is pregnancy he's worried about, maybe try using a contraceptive foam or suppository?

http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/encare-vaginal-contraceptive-inserts/ID=prod2879-product

I was checked 5 days ago, and the time before that it was 2 months ago, i haven't picked up anything. But i have to wait another week for my screening results to come through for the test i had one 5 days ago. I'm not showing any symptoms.

They don't check for herpes or HPV in the absence of an outbreak, and you can be an asymptomatic carrier (meaning you can have it without symptoms, and still pass it along). The majority of people have these infections, and most don't know it.

Use condoms.

Yes!
... and, stop telling him that he doesn't need a condom. That will scare his wood away everytime. He's told you he wants to wear one (smart man) so just encourage him while he takes a sec to put it on and keep the moment going. Use your imagination to verbalize and your hands on his dangly bits to stimulate for goodness sakes. That will help him to keep his wood.

As soon as he slips that condom on get some flavored lube on it and blow him for a bit. That should get him over his stage fright.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes!
... and, stop telling him that he doesn't need a condom. That will scare his wood away everytime. He's told you he wants to wear one (smart man) so just encourage him while he takes a sec to put it on and keep the moment going. Use your imagination to verbalize and your hands on his dangly bits to stimulate for goodness sakes. That will help him to keep his wood.

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I remember telling my son to be extra careful with girls who tell him they don't mind him skipping the condom. Those are always the girls who "accidentally" turn up pregnant (or at least, claim to be).

I told my daughter the same thing Vashti... I told her to always make sure she had one on her in case he said he didn't.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I remember telling my son to be extra careful with girls who tell him they don't mind him skipping the condom. Those are always the girls who "accidentally" turn up pregnant (or at least, claim to be).

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I warn every guy to never ever trust a girl when it comes to birth control. Always be the one to take the responsibility.