Do I leave him? (Sorry a long one)
I have been married for just over 7 years and have known my husband for 14 years. He was married previously, apparently I was the excuse he needed to leave his last marriage. he has 2 kids from his previous marriage aged 15 and 17. There is a 16 year age difference between us I am 35.
When we first got together things were great, he was in the Navy, since he left in 2009 we moved up to Scotland and I am as miserable as sin!! things haven't felt right since 2008 and I have began to question what we have, but put it down to me. I have no children, we were recently seen about adopting and that day just made my head nag even more that things aren't good. My husband is a lovely man and I know he cares very deeply for me, but I just feel like I am trudging through life. A couple of months ago my mum offered us to go away abroad with her and her sister as my mum feels bad that I never go anywhere. My husband hates my mum's sister so wouldn't go. The week before I left, the week I was away and about 2 weeks from coming back all he did was behave like a jealous child. My mum offers us cheap time away, with her time share thing, but because I don't see her much she wants to come too. We have only been away 3 times on our own and keeps saying he would like a holiday away, but does nothing about it. To satisfy him, we just had a week off together and we have done NOTHING, all I wanted was a day out somewhere, I told him this and he did nothing, he said as the week went on we would go out on Sunday but he spent half the day on the phone to his son, because his ex feels that the son is a bit depressed. I know a lot of the money goes on the house, bills, paying for flights to get his kids up to see us, but I want some focus on us.
I don't know whether the problem is me, maybe I expect too much. I missed a job interview today for a nurse job, but felt I would have been wasting my time as up here it is who you know not what you know (I currently work as a carer in a nursing home as I can't get a job as a children's nurse in our NHS trust) I admit I am a bit depressed myself. I have seen the doctor who knows all this and says I need counciling, but my problem she says is that I won't stand up for myself. I have a job, but no real friends. I feel all my friends I was at school with are having babies and feel I am missing out, (as my husband had a vasectomy before we met, we had 2 goes at IVF - but nothing) I do wonder if I should have found someone my own age. All my family live in Derby an 8 hour drive away, I feel lonely.
In 3 weeks time I am going "home" to Derby as my mum has CLL (leukimia) and is having a bone marrow transplant, to see if that helps it, but I am seriously considering making it a permenant move. I have attempted to leave my husband twice before, but each time I fall into the he makes me feel guilty trap, we talk - he'll help/change, but a couple of months later it returns to normal.
Any Advice much appericiated. xxx
