How Late is too Late?

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08-06-11, 12:21 AM
sfoster

How Late is too Late?

OK, so me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years now. We have a 4 year old and a 6 month old together. And we just recently bought a house together last year, but have lived together on and off our whole relationship. Basically, what I want to know is, how late is too late? He has gotten into this thing where a few times a month, he stays out until 5, 6, 7 in the morning. It completely drives me crazy. In the beginning of our relationship, he never did anything like this and it seem like as time goes on, it justs gets worst. I am not trying to give him a curfew or anything, but I just feel like 5, 6, 7 AM a few times every month is just completely inappropriate for someone with a family. I wouldn't mind 1, 2, or even 3 AM. I also might mind less if I knew where he was when he stayed out so late. Basically, I feel like this is behavior of a single person and when you decide to be in a relationship and start a family you shouldn't do things like this. Bottom line, I don't like it. Once or twice a year.... maybe. But not every month.

Basically, when I confront him about it and tell him how I feel about it, he pushes back and we end up getting into an argument. Then he says that I am bitchin' at him. He sees nothing wrong with it and feels that I shouldn't have a problem with it because he is a “grown man”.

What do you all think???? I am overreacting or is this a problem????
08-06-11, 01:00 AM
Wakeup

Surely you suspect he's having an affair on you? Why do you put up with such disrespect? Whats wrong inside you that you keep returning to someone who doesn't value you enough to afford you common courtesy that two people in a partnership should be experiencing? Even if he's not having an affair he's disresepecting you and you're being a doormat about it. See a lawyer and find out what your rights are and then take action to leave without any intentions of returning ro him.

I feel very sorry for your children and what you'rs and your partner's dysfunction is doing to them. Please don't get defensive about that, you can't be hiding the turmoil from them.

If he thinks his being out until those hours without explaining to you where he is then perhaps you should do it to him and let him stay home and babysit for a change. Two wrongs never make a right but you need to take some action that will show him what an asshole he is and I know you are too co-dependent to see a lawyer and take action to leave him for good.

He is an asshole and you are afraid to leave an asshole, why?
08-06-11, 05:25 PM
fun2bwith45

I don't think you should be as rash as Wakeup suggests. Don't accuse him of doing something wrong (although if your version of the story is accurate I feel your bf is out of line) but instead present it to him that it worries you when you don't know where he is until early-mid morning. Tell him he has a family to be responsible for and can't be "unreachable" for so long so often. Can't he send you a text as to where he is? If he gets angry, back off and try again later.

However, this reeks of affair to me :(
08-06-11, 06:59 PM
doppelgaenger

Is he a good father? Does he make you happy in other respects? If so, you really have no right to be pissed off that he's going out. If you think he's having an affair, well the issue is a lot deeper than you think
09-06-11, 01:18 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by fun2bwith45 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think you should be as rash as Wakeup suggests. Don't accuse him of doing something wrong (although if your version of the story is accurate I feel your bf is out of line) but instead present it to him that it worries you when you don't know where he is until early-mid morning. Tell him he has a family to be responsible for and can't be "unreachable" for so long so often. Can't he send you a text as to where he is? If he gets angry, back off and try again later.

However, this reeks of affair to me :(

Why should she not accuse him of doing something wrong when he IS DOING SOMETHING WRONG. As I said, even if he's not having an affair his disrespecting their partnership by arguing with her and doing things that upset her. A compromise can be reached.. it shouldn't be his way or the highway either.

If he gets angry back off and try again later? She's been doing that for ages now. Time to get serious They have children that are witnessing their agruing and his total disrespect for their marriage.

You nor OP"s husband nor the guy above would be happy if she or their partner was leaving them alone with the children until 7:00 oclock in the morning while not knowing where he's been. Bars close long before that. There's not much question about what he is doing is either illegal or illict.

By not getting serious about this, she's telling him it's perfectly fine that he does what he wants and the only consequence is her yelling at him.
09-06-11, 05:43 AM
ConniptionFit

Quote:

Originally Posted by sfoster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

OK, so me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years now. We have a 4 year old and a 6 month old together. And we just recently bought a house together last year, but have lived together on and off our whole relationship. Basically, what I want to know is, how late is too late? He has gotten into this thing where a few times a month, he stays out until 5, 6, 7 in the morning. It completely drives me crazy. In the beginning of our relationship, he never did anything like this and it seem like as time goes on, it justs gets worst. I am not trying to give him a curfew or anything, but I just feel like 5, 6, 7 AM a few times every month is just completely inappropriate for someone with a family. I wouldn't mind 1, 2, or even 3 AM. I also might mind less if I knew where he was when he stayed out so late. Basically, I feel like this is behavior of a single person and when you decide to be in a relationship and start a family you shouldn't do things like this. Bottom line, I don't like it. Once or twice a year.... maybe. But not every month.

Basically, when I confront him about it and tell him how I feel about it, he pushes back and we end up getting into an argument. Then he says that I am bitchin' at him. He sees nothing wrong with it and feels that I shouldn't have a problem with it because he is a “grown man”.

What do you all think???? I am overreacting or is this a problem????

What would happen if you stayed out till 5, 6, or 7 in the morning? Is he OK with that? If not, something is seriously wrong with you, him, and the relationship.