I'm a 39 yr.old man in "somewhere" Michigan. (single, never married) for reasons I believe to be meant/planned...In His Infinate Wisdom!
As of a couple of years ago I was reaqquainted with an old friend from way back. Someone I used to date when I was 18. We'll call her ME! As that is how she signs all her notes to me.
I had attended a small gathering at my sisters house one evening on the premice that she had gotten with ME and that "she" would love to see me again. I understood that she was and had been married for some 10 years now and had 2 children. Excitedly, I got a shower and cleaned up, shaved and cologne, the hair thing, all of that...you know! Then on my way out the door I suddenly stopped! Struck by some sense of concious I had LONG forgotten that I had posessed. I had to ask myself..."What are you doing?" "She's a married woman!" I then retreated to my dining room to sit down and indulge in a couple of brews and a re-assessment of my own desires.
After an hour of hashing it out with myself...I went on to the gathering.
Walking in the door, calm, sure and my head "straight". I went and said hello to my sis (hug, kiss) "hi!" "How ya doing?"...." hey Lou!" to the bro in law...greets to all, and so on.
From behind me came a voice that was like a familiar song...calming, soft, sweet as ever, and oh so gentle. "Hey you?" Turning to see, I froze! She was and is as beautiful as ever. I could hardly believe it, almost twenty years had passed and I still melted at the mere presence of her! Choking for the words, I say..."Oh my God!" "Look at you! you haven't changed a bit!" Still frozen, feet firmly planted, she moves toward me, all eyes on the two of us....she says "c'mere and give me a hug!".....and....with an overwhelming desire to scoop her up...I just hugged her, gently like an old friend, with a pat on the back. "It's good to see you" I said. "It's GOOD to see you" "Look at you! Oh my God!", says ME. Waiting to be introduced to the husband, I realise he is not there. So, I inquire, only to find that he decided to stay home with the kids. Phew! Glad thats over with.(thinking to myself) I recompose, and off to the patio to visit.
Later that evening we get a Uechre game going and the usual idle chit chat. When ME asks what I do for a living. Explaining the responsibilitys and nature of my job, she suggests that she could use such services in her home.I went on to explain some things and said "Let me know?" "Okay" says ME, "I'll do that".
A couple of month's later my sister calls and says " ME would like to call you about doing an estimate?" "Is it okay to give her your number?" "Sure" I said. When the call came thru, We arranged to meet at the house to discuss the work to be done. Upon arriving to the house, ME greeted me with a hug? Not like the one before...somehow different, eyes brite, smiling, content it seemed. Prior to arrival we discussed our mutual interest in music and I offered to help with a problem with her guitar. So, once inside, over cofee(ME) and pop(me), we discussed the repairs...and then on to conversation...and then to restringing her guitar.
After tuning the guitar she asked me to play for her...and so,.....I did.Then after explaining a few things about tuning and using a digital tuner, I was off. On my way out, I said ..."let me know about the repairs ", we hugged, she walked me out to the porch, to see me off.
Not less than a mile down the road I had to shake off the feeling that had come over me in the past three hours....or try, should I say.(smiling)
Now mind you, this is where it gets sticky! I could have and maybe should have left well enough alone.....but,....I did not. I immediately called her, not even five minutes down the road! When she answered, I said "Hi.", softley, nervousley, and proceeded to explain. " I may be way out of line here, and if so I am sorry, but I have to ask you something................", pause........."Yes?....What?" she asked. "Uhhhh...well, (sigh)...No, Maybe I shouldn't", "Okay" she says....pause......"What is it?" she askes, again I sigh, I'm not sure if I should, but, ..."Go ahead" she replies, "Well,..OK...here goes", "I'm sitting here not two miles down the road from your house and, I just gotta ask, ..."Uhh..Okay?"...Was it me or was there something going on there?" "I mean, something ......More?" Nervously, she replies "uhhh,..yea,...I think, ...Maybe?" And we're off!...............
So first, let me say that ME is a very devought(*sp) Catholic and an extremely spiritual person. She has strong family values and a good sense of commitment to them! Her vows and beliefs are of the utmost importance to her. Selfless is she and driven by her faith, in everything she does. She obtains great people skills and is always thinking of others and willing to help in anyway she can. Honestly, I do believe that God broke the mold when he made this woman! And there inlies the problem.......
Over time, ME and I have sat for literally hours on the phone, the computer, and yes even together(Morally only), talking....without pause, break or boredom......talking!! Anything, everything, God, Love, Life, Happiness, then, now, "what if's", literally everything! And,... she has discovered, that she did not marry her best friend, that ...I am that friend. In the opinion of both, never have we ever felt such a bond in life before, never could two people be so right for each other, never could we have imagined such things were possible, for two to be so much in love, so selflessly, so pure, so true! So ....what to do? She will never split up her family or seperate her children from thier father for her own gains and nor would I have her (the same) if she did, or her...me. However, if he were unfaithfull or abusive or EXTREMELY unattentive....then yes! And then we could be together. I have the utmost respect for this woman and I tell you I cannot and won't interfere with her life in any way, but yet, I feel somehow I am....We both set boundarys in this situation, that niether can adhere to, and so "It" goes on and on and on.....and I have assured her that I will wait. And yes, even if that means forever or never.
So my question here is....Can anyone relate? Do you think I'm crazy? Can a fate of this nature hold true? Would this be considered a "Love,...Devine"? DOES ANYONE REALLY KNOW?......PLEASE respond!!
Thank You,
ME & me
