Early Dating - Need A Man's Advise
I need a male perspective. I'm 38, I just recently started a man whose 34. It's only been 2 weeks, but things have gone pretty fast as far as how many times we've seen each other and how intimately we've been involved. I am a very communicative person, I don't feel he is as much as I am. In talking to him, or trying to about relationship things in general, not specific to us he doesn't seem to have much to say. We met online and he was clear in telling me that he was tired of meeting people and was ready to find someone to settle down with. I have been out of the dating scene for several years and am open to finding someone long term and if it works out that's great.
Here's where you guys will come in because I know you know this part of the dating scene all too well ;-) He seems at times to detach and shut down. He will go for a while being very chatty via text and will call (we text more than talk on the phone), but anytime anything is brought up about relationships in general he seems to shut down. I did discuss with him the importance of if we were intimate that I was not interested in him being intimate with anyone else, because I'm not that type of women and he agreed and told me he is not. I also asked him if he was still pursuing women on the site we met on, he said he wasn't and that he would take his profile down after he felt he was in a serious relationship. However the strange thing was the following day after having that discussion he voluntarily told me (without me having mentioned anything else about the website) that he deleted his profile. When I asked him why the change of heart, he did not want to open up to me and talk about it. It was like he was trying to see if he could just change the subject and get out of talking about it, he knew I wasn't happy with that, but I didn't press the issue.
Last night I asked him this question, which I asked out of pure curiosity. "What intrigued you to contact me from that website". I told him that I was interested in what made men contact women, if it was looks and pictures alone, or did it also have anything to do with what women actual say about themselves". As soon as I started to ask him he said "oh no here we go again". I know he was saying that because I'd brought up the website and we'd previously discussed it a few days ago when he told me he deleted his profile, but didn't want to disclose to me the real reason he did it. I responded with "no we're not going any where again, I truly am interested in what intrigues men to contact certain women, but not others and that's all I want to know, I have no other questions after that". He did finally say it was my smile and eyes that enticed him to contact me. However, after the short lived conversation it was like he detached again and told has been distant with not texting as much, etc.
Here's my dilemma. While I have no intention of discussing exclusivity at this point, because really I'm not even ready for that title/label I do feel like I would like to know if he is happy and content with things thus far between the 2 of us. I do care about his feelings and would like to know that we're on the same page. I also care about my own feelings and care about not investing myself physically and or emotionally if we're not on the same page and or if he's hesitant or has any reservations about where things are going or where things stand. Additionally since we have already been intimate I think that my feelings are even more justified with wanting to know.
Guys, what are your thoughts, is what I'm wondering about fair of me to wonder and ask about? Is there a way of asking this that you think may be best? I certainly don't want to scare him away, but I also don't want to be kept around for the sole purpose of intimacy either. We've been upfront with each other and discussed that even though that's happened very early on, that is not what we're both solely interested in as far as how we feel about each other.
Any advise is greatly appreciated.
