The right thing that was so wrong

It started off when my sister brought her best friend Sally to our family home for the first time. Me and her friend connected and spent hours talking into the early hours. After a couple months and long late night chats later we kissed but I stopped it there thinking it wasn't right without letting my sister know.

A few weeks later Me and Sally both talked and decided that it was not a good idea to let her know, until we both knew how we felt and we carried on. After another long late night discussion and a few to many glassse of wine we slept together and I became even more infactuated with her. Thus began a 13 month covert affair that brought nothing but sneaking, lies and deciet to everyone around us. This being the first relationship I had compared to the countless for her (she also has an infant son) really exposed my nieveity in things.

Things were fun and exciting for a long while but eventually the lies started to effect me and I cooled things off about 13 months into it. We became friends Txting and Talking now and then and I thought all was seeminly OK.

A month ago down the local pub I learned 2nd hand that shes been seeing someone else and I was mortified. It was apparently going on for 6 weeks whilst we were still friends talking and texting. She told me nothing. I felt so betrayed. I don't know where these feeling even came from but it felt like someone knifed me through the chest. I thought i'd moved on but some part of me still had feelings for her. I TXT'd then emailed but I received nothing in response so I called her and that lead to the worst fight and some aweful things said between us that made me feel 100 times worse. I've TXT'd to meet up with her a few times but she brushes me off. Shes totally into this new guy after all I guess we really never did exsist. The person who was my girlfriend and friend was gone.:upset:

I now feel completely powerlessness in everything, she has her new Boy Friend, My sister is still her best friend and nobody except me knows whats gone on between us. I have noone to talk to about any of this. My sister is very close to her best friend and is a huge important part of her sons life (hes 6) she helped raise him from aged 1-3. I dont want to drive a block between them by mentioning whats gone on but I'm completely uncertain as to who else knows at her end about whats gone on, i'm also worried about the new boyfriend knowing everything after all she told me everything about previous guys when we hooked up. It was always my intension to protect my sister until the time was right, I guess I left myself completely exposed though on this one. The longer it went the harder to mention it became. I find myself now runnning this consistanly through my head over and over, I'm writing here to see if I can somehow let it all go and move on.

I wonder, is this the price I have to pay for going along with the Lie for so long, to souley bear the guilt for it and ending up alone. :sad2: A harsh life lesson learned .