BIG development

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13-01-09, 09:24 AM
glow

BIG development

My ex text me friday night while intoxicated and i kinda wrote it off.
then i was the one intoxicated last night and text him saying hey, how are ya, he replied saying "good, i miss you, how are you"
i said "you miss me?" and he said "believe it or not" i did not reply an a couple of minutes later recieved another text saying "i miss you more than you know"
this last text had me in the bag i asked where he was and went to meet him. we were both with our separate groups of friends. we left together though and went back to his place.
i sat on the foot of his bed while he was lying down on it and he told me about the holidays and what not, he asked me what was wrong why i was so far so i lay down beside him and asked him why, drunk or not, he text me the other night and why he missed me. he said he missed sleeping beside me and having me there. he told me part of the reason he ended things was because he knows i care a lot and was always there and i wasn't pushing him, but making him want to open up and he wasn't ready to do that he doesn't feel he's allowed to do that and has never even done that with his close friends (this all made me very sad).
long story short, i told him i was going to keep caring and i'd hope he was open to talking to someone and i hoped he continued to thrive in some way. he told me he wasn't going to be able to talk to anyone until he at least wrote everything that was going on down.
we had sex and then afterwards lay for a while, he was singing a song kinda to me, kinda to the air and then we both said we missed each other, and he said he wasn't sure what that meant.
what's this all about, did he miss me? or what is going on, was he just lonely for someone?
i told him i pushed him away at first because i don't usually like people and that i felt for him things i don't feel for anyone and couldn't make it through the sentences and he kept holding my face and wanting me to look him in the eye while i talked and kissing my fingers and what not,
i want to buy him a notebook and go drop it in his mailbox and write on the inside of the cover start writing, i want to help or something like that,
is that cheesy? is it a bad idea?
what's he want other than some time to think things through? i can wait but i want to know if this is going anywhere, what do you guys think?
13-01-09, 09:39 AM
Mish

Quote:

Originally Posted by glow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

what's he want other than some time to think things through? i can wait but i want to know if this is going anywhere, what do you guys think?

I think he really missed you and most likely at the time a part of him wanted you back. I think the main question is what would you like from it? Do you want him back? If yes I think you should tell him that and if he doesn't want that then let him know it's best that you keep distance because you see him more than a friend and you don't want to get hurt.
13-01-09, 09:44 AM
glow

i definitely want him back, i actually think that with the possiblity of that happening this break-up has been really productive because we would be forced to set certain standards for next time and we would start a lot more honestly, a lot more open, and things would be stronger, i want to give it some time though, i don't want to get back together tomorrow, but i do eventually not too far down the line, maybe in a couple of weeks as i just want to keep meditating on the situation but that's ultimately what i want.
13-01-09, 09:58 AM
AirbenderAang

I would not get him the notebook or even really contact him. He needs to fix his own problems and figure things out for himself. There is only so much friends can do. The most they can really do is be supportive. In your case, you are not just a friend and are a past lover. You have to be incredibly wary about your emotional involvement with him. We can't really say what he ultimately wants from you.

Most likely he got lonely and started missing the good things. There is a chance that you may get back together, but remember, he still broke up with you. Things have not really changed. He obviously needs time to figure out what he wants. You should basically forget about him and try to move on. I know you want to help him, but you can't really. Even if he says he "needs you". Understand that personal change must come from within.

Be very careful of getting sucked back into a relationship that is going nowhere for both of you.
13-01-09, 10:18 AM
Mish

Quote:

Originally Posted by glow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i don't want to get back together tomorrow, but i do eventually not too far down the line, maybe in a couple of weeks as i just want to keep meditating on the situation but that's ultimately what i want.

I think it's very important to establish boundaries and find out what he wants. Since he broke up with you the ball is in his court, I think you should probably find out what he wants to do from here. There is some potential you can get hurt again if you and him are not on the same page.
13-01-09, 10:50 PM
glow

so then contact him and talk to him about the entire ordeal again?
i know he wants time to "mature" he doesn't want to bring anyone else down with him, i really think i could help though. if i could then what's wrong with that? i mean solely on the friend level. i'm obvoiusly going to continue to have feelings for him but i would rather push those aside for the time being and help him get out of this. if i can do that then why not?
14-01-09, 12:46 AM
Gigabitch

He hasn't contacted you since you gave it up?

Oh, honey. I'm sorry, but that was just a booty call.
14-01-09, 05:37 AM
glow

okay well i will leave it alone for now,
i'm going to drop off the notebook next week without mentioning that i'm doing it and without contacting him about it and i'll see what happens from there
14-01-09, 06:43 AM
Mish

Quote:

Originally Posted by glow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

so then contact him and talk to him about the entire ordeal again?

Well what I would do is talk to him and explain how I feel. I would tell him that it's very difficult to be friends with a person that you see as more than a friend and you would appreciate if he didn't call you in the future if the two of you can't be in a relationship again. Though if he wants to be in a relationship then you can discuss further.

I think this would be fair for the two of you.
14-01-09, 07:50 AM
glow

true true

and giga, after we talked i instigated the sex, not him.
14-01-09, 09:28 AM
carl1222

Quote:

Originally Posted by glow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My ex text me friday night while intoxicated and i kinda wrote it off.
then i was the one intoxicated last night and text him saying hey, how are ya, he replied saying "good, i miss you, how are you"
i said "you miss me?" and he said "believe it or not" i did not reply an a couple of minutes later recieved another text saying "i miss you more than you know"
this last text had me in the bag i asked where he was and went to meet him. we were both with our separate groups of friends. we left together though and went back to his place.
i sat on the foot of his bed while he was lying down on it and he told me about the holidays and what not, he asked me what was wrong why i was so far so i lay down beside him and asked him why, drunk or not, he text me the other night and why he missed me. he said he missed sleeping beside me and having me there. he told me part of the reason he ended things was because he knows i care a lot and was always there and i wasn't pushing him, but making him want to open up and he wasn't ready to do that he doesn't feel he's allowed to do that and has never even done that with his close friends (this all made me very sad).
long story short, i told him i was going to keep caring and i'd hope he was open to talking to someone and i hoped he continued to thrive in some way. he told me he wasn't going to be able to talk to anyone until he at least wrote everything that was going on down.
we had sex and then afterwards lay for a while, he was singing a song kinda to me, kinda to the air and then we both said we missed each other, and he said he wasn't sure what that meant.
what's this all about, did he miss me? or what is going on, was he just lonely for someone?
i told him i pushed him away at first because i don't usually like people and that i felt for him things i don't feel for anyone and couldn't make it through the sentences and he kept holding my face and wanting me to look him in the eye while i talked and kissing my fingers and what not,
i want to buy him a notebook and go drop it in his mailbox and write on the inside of the cover start writing, i want to help or something like that,
is that cheesy? is it a bad idea?
what's he want other than some time to think things through? i can wait but i want to know if this is going anywhere, what do you guys think?

You were drunk.

Excuse me, read the bold part ... you still think YOU instigated sex????

Carl.
14-01-09, 09:54 AM
Aeradalia

I agree with Giga and Carl.. he was lonely and wanted company... mainly female company. He didn't want to reconnect or resurrect a relationship... he just wanted sex. That's why he put up the walls again and made being in a relationship seem difficult and almost impossible.

I'm sorry... but you've been had. He may not have planned it consciously... but his actions shows more or less him seducing you and then letting you go again.