A Year - Can I Get Him Back?
Hey everyone, I'm new to the forum and wasn't sure exactly where I wanted to post this but since it is dealing with a breakup this seemed most suitable, however feel free to direct me elsewhere if necessary.
I'm going to start with a bit of back story so I apologize in advance for the long post.
I'm 21 and my ex boyfriend is 19. We met in High School when I 16 and he was 14. I had the biggest crush on him but never acted on it because I had been in a 2 year relationship at the time. 3 years later we ended up dating. I was ecstatic about the whole thing because he had been my crush for so long. We dated for nearly a year and it was amazing, he started opening up to me in ways I had never seen before, there were whole other sides to him that I never knew existed and the more I learnt about him, the further I fell for him. We had more in common with each other than I even knew. Our relationship was great, I will admit there were some trust issues on my part but he was always happy to help me get past them.
The end of our relationship came kind of suddenly. I think we both had all these ideas about how things would go once he finished High School and of course, life had other plans. The more things would go wrong, the more I would push him away. For a while he had fought really hard for our relationship, but after some time he finally just gave in. He said he felt like he was always letting me down and to be honest I can see where he was coming from. He had just started college and I was always wanting more from him than he could give at that time.
After we broke up we still stayed extremely close. We would still text on a daily basis and talk on the phone. He would say things like "you'll always be my princess" and just generally be sweet. We hungout fairly often, went to movies or met up at the college. Things were pretty good between us until one morning before school he sent me a text saying "Hey We really need to hangout during the Christmas break, I miss you! I'll text you after class hugs and kisses" and than he just never did...
3 months go by without contact from him. I continued to send him a text a month just saying things like "Hope you're okay and that school is going well for you" but he'd never respond. He had stopped logging onto facebook as well. Finally on the third month I sent him a message and he responded saying "I'm sorry I just stopped talking to you, that was really wrong of me. Things have been really difficult for me but you do deserve a message, you didn't do anything wrong, I don't want you to think that but truthfully I'm still not ready to talk. I'm sorry" A week later he messaged me ready to talk and wanting to hangout. Again, things were good for a while until he suddenly cut contact again.
-End Back Story-
We have been broken up for over a year now and he has gone from wanting to be friends, to absolutely no contact 3 times now. We are currently talking again and have been for about a month. Things have changed a lot since we last talk 4 months ago, my mom passed away and I know he's been going through a lot of changes as well. Things genuinely feel different this time, but I don't know if it's good or bad. I just got home from hanging out with him and things were kind of weird. There is still like this little spark between us, we have so much fun when we're hanging out and it's like momentarily we stepped back in time. We are both still attracted to each other and things got a bit inappropriate and we ended up kissing and stuff but we quickly put an end to it before it got to far. He told me he hasn't been with anyone else since we broke up which sounds like a good thing, but then he said something that made it sound like he just wants to be single so now I'm not so sure :/
It's like in some ways things are better than the last time we talked, and in others they are worse. I just don't know what to do or how to act around him. After the kissing I got a bit upset and we both agreed that this visit wouldn't count, we would have a do-over sometime during the Christmas break. He also said that he wanted to communicate more and he is going to try to call me more often.
I want him back, I just don't know if I have a shot anymore. I feel like if I were to just be friends with him things could eventually lead to us dating - we have that much of a connection when we hangout I can see it leading back to that - but I find myself getting frustrated and trying to push for more, faster. There is also the fact that in the past any time he started to get close to me again he would away and stops talking, which is one of my main fears.
I'm sorry if none of this makes sense. It's 4am here and I am having trouble stringing sentences together. I'll probably come back and edit this in a few hours after I get so sleep to make it more legible.
In the mean time does anyone have any ideas about what approach I should take to getting this boy back? Is it even possible at this point?