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do men keep coming back (or trying to) when the woman is attempting to end the relationship? To me there is no unfinished business. I have been communicative right to the end. ..so why would someone dishonor that and try to test my boundaries? I realize this is a bit vague yet for starters it will do : )
Nuance, it's not a guy thing: women also do this. Start reading posts here and you'll see a lot of it.
As for why they do it, it's very simple: They are having trouble accepting it's over and are still trying to find a way to fix it. While it's true that they are disrespecting your boundaries, grief (yes, even for a failed relationship) can have a huge impact on someone's behaviour.
Look up the stages of grief.
I agree completely with Basil...
But sometimes they don't really give a reason as to why it's over and want to figure out, once and for all, what went wrong... That's just sometimes though- not all the time.
Too true Rowen. And even if an honest reason is given, it may not always make sense to the dumpee....and so they keep looking for an explanation they can understand.
Denial makes people do crazy things
Because they don't want it's over. They are trying to fix what's wrong or whatever. Girls do that too pretty often.
I did not mean to sound harsh...it was just that I truly loved this man and tried to work out our problems for the last 6 months. I felt I gave it my all. There comes a time when you need to let go ...if only to breathe. I am well aware of the stages of grief...I have walked through each stage slowly after losing 2 family members in a car accident. I guess in this situation I have reached acceptance and he has not. Thank you
You reached acceptance earlier because you ended it. You had already dealt with some of the stages before making the final decision. You "giving it your all" (i.e. fighting for it) in those 6 months is probably around where he is now. So therefore it seems natural that you would reach acceptance before he would, no?
I also agree that this isn't exclusive to men as I've had girls do it to me. I think it's more the difference between doing the dumping and being dumped.
You may feel you have been communicative, but clearly you have not communicated enough.
People regardless of gender tend to love the status quo more than they love the person they are with (in bad match-ups), which is why they keep coming back.
You need to communicate with him in clear terms that IT IS OVER, and then set up your phone to block calls and your e-mail rules to delete on receipt. He'll get the message.
I think relationships are about emotions and feelings more than logic and reasoning. Emotions and feelings always change. There's no reason if you've broken up that you can't get back together. Perhaps this is what he's thinking? If I really loved someone I couldn't let go easily.
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Emotional attachements and the process of letting go. It's sort of like a death to some degree. Going through the grief stages and not wanting to let go, but needing to let go. At the same time can be like an addiction, or a behavior pattern, or habit from being with someone so long, you're used to them being a part of your life.
Well, maybe he really likes and loves you. It's hard to break relationships like this. He probably loved you more than you loved him.