I have a strange situation I need some help with..

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26-04-09, 01:37 AM
damn2008

I have a strange situation I need some help with..

I have a unique situation I need some advice on.

I met this girl and we had a date, we really hit it off well and planned for a second date. Just to give some numbers, I'm 26 and she is 20 (just about to turn 21...so about a 5 year gap). We talk and text a lot and I know she likes me but is somewhat guarded about her feelings. Thus far we've been dating for about a month and yes, we've already had sex.

I slowly began to learn she has some weird relationship with her ex- (they broke up in November, he is 24). They are not romantically involved as far as I know, but they are somewhat close...they do some errands together & talk, but it mostly has to deal that they have finances together. He pays for her cellphone bill STILL and she is on the title of one of his cars (to lower his insurance). When she brings him up, she has nothing positive to say..usually that he is very controlling and immature. I think because of her age and family issues she doesn't really have the emotional strength or the support base to break it off and it is clear that perhaps neither does he. She also does some photography business for his family. It also comes down to the fact that I am 45 min. away while her ex- lives about several blocks away in the same neighborhood (yes, he still lives at home with his family).

I think we both have really great potential together and so does she since I meet all the criteria of a guy she wants and she has told me this, but she somewhat keeps me and her ex- separate (she has claimed that her ex- knows that she is seeing someone, but I do not know the extent of this) and even goes as far as to hide the fact when she's with me. I think reality has set in for the fact that she does want someone else, but can't shake her ex- for whatever reasons.

The thing is...we both have that spark and everything is right, but all the drama is on her side and for now I'm willing to enjoy the ride and have some fun with her...but it will get to a point where we have to determine where we're going because I'm not going to waste my time anymore with someone who is wasting some of their time on someone from the past.

Any advice? I know many of you might say "dump her and look elsewhere" but if we are to continue down this path, what could I say or do that can help myself here? I'm thinking about spending at least one more month or so of dating her before we venture to most in-depth relationship talk.
26-04-09, 06:09 AM
Rollerderby

You're not the guy. You're the other guy. Her ex is still the guy. The fact that she brings him up, even negatively means she ain't over it. And if he sucks to high hell as much as she says he does, why is she still hanging out with him?
26-04-09, 06:36 AM
damn2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rollerderby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're not the guy. You're the other guy. Her ex is still the guy. The fact that she brings him up, even negatively means she ain't over it. And if he sucks to high hell as much as she says he does, why is she still hanging out with him?

Thanks for that. I can definitely see that.

It's a combination of things I think:
-She is still emotionally/business/whatever attached to him and his family
-She's at an age where she does not know any better
-He has maintained financial connections that help him control her and she is "comfortable" with them
-She does not have the support base to help detach herself
from him (i.e.: parents don't like him yet they do not tell her to stop hanging out with him)

Now, she has been honest with me when she is with him...or so when she claims she is with him.

We have communicated openly and she has said she is "confused" and "not ready for a relationship" but that "I'll know" when she is ready because she has said she wants one with me. I think she is afraid to really pursue things further between us because she is afraid of getting cut off of what is comfortable to her...despite how much she may dislike it...she is still attached to it.

I am thinking I might hang out a little longer for fun but after that I'll pose the ultimatum. I would like a relationship with this girl but not while this mess still looms.