Advice for dating unemployed woman?
Having a difficult week with my girlfriend of one year. She was stressed out this week because she sent out a bunch of resumes and didn't receive any responses. (I told her it's too soon to expect a response. She doesn't believe me, and took this as further indication that she's unemployable.)
A little background: She lost her job shortly before we met, and has been unemployed ever since. It's hard for me to know how hard she has been looking for a job, but my instinct is to say not very hard, because she resists the vast majority of my suggestions and offers to help, insisting that she knows she won't get hired (I tell her she knows nothing of the sort. Doesn't matter to her.) , or that she's already doing what I said (maybe she did once, not regularly) and just basically comes up with a boatload of excuses. She says she wants to be a writer, but is sketchy on just what kind of writing she wants to do. Mostly her current writing seems to entail writing book reviews that pay $10 for hours of work, or watching TV all day and writing up her thoughts for her blog that a handful of her friends read.
If you know anything about writing careers, you know it's extremely hard to get a job in that field, especially now, and there are writers far more experienced than her looking for work.
I am trying to be patient and sympathetic because I love her and I really don't know if I'd fare any better in her situation, as I've never been unemployed. The odds are overwhelming and I don't want to be unfair by demanding she do the impossible. But I think the effort she's giving it is far from her best. She seems to be overwhelmed with fear and prefers not to face it. But while she's busy not facing it, she's running out of money, which means she's in danger of having to move home, 1500 miles away. I have told her not to put me in the position of having to choose between paying her bills and losing her, and she has promised she wouldn't. But that dilemma appears to be growing more inevitable by the day.
Frankly I don't give a crap what kind of job she does as long as she gets one. But she really appears not to want to face it. Most disturbing is I've heard her say more than once she'd rather "freelance" than do a 9-to-5 job. I'd be fine with it if she had work, but she's trying to "freelance" now, and spends the vast majority of her day watching TV and reading instead of looking for work. The last time I confronted her on this, she cried that I don't "believe" in her. I believe she can get a job if she hustles and widens her view of acceptable work, but so far I've seen no indication that she has it in her.
This morning I asked her to email me her resume so I could look it over. I promised her that once I had her resume I wouldn't mention it for the rest of the weekend. I've reminded her a couple of times since then. It is now nearly 5:00 and I am still waiting. This is what I mean when I say I think she doesn't want to face it.
I don't think she's using me for my money, and my friends don't think so either. I love spending time with her but I resent the fact that she is fiddling around while we hurtle toward a potentially relationship-ending crisis.
I want to be compassionate because I know how hard it is to find a job now. But I am going to be furious if she runs out of money before she's sorted this out.