Avoiding places that he went to with his ex

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22-08-11, 07:41 PM
kinks

Avoiding places that he went to with his ex

This is my first relationship so I don't know if this is normal or not. I found a cool package holiday to a country in Europe but my bf said he didn't want to go because he went there last year with his ex and it would be weird. I said how we've been going ou nearly a year so it wasn't that recent and told him to get over it, he was like 'give me a break' ...was i being unfair? Also, he avoids going to the area she lives in (it's quite a popular part of town so there's a lot of cool venues/restaurants there) When I booked a table (i didn't know at the time that's where she lived) he made me cancel it saying he'd feel too weird.

Am I being over sensitive getting annoyed/upset about it? Or is it normal to still be this hung up about ex's etc. (they had been goin out for 3 years though but he was the one that broke it off...)
22-08-11, 10:31 PM
smackie9

Ya he may have broke it off, but it may because she cheated on him or did something to really bad to hurt him. If this is the way he is behaving then he is still not over her or hasn't gotten over what she did to him. Maybe suggest if there are all these restrictions place onto your relationship because of his past relationship, maybe it would be a good idea to take a break so he can get over it, maybe he isn't emotionally ready for a relationship. Maybe then he will realize how foolish he has been and take steps to visit places in the area he has been avoiding.
22-08-11, 10:36 PM
devonbrown

I agree with smackie that it sounds like he isn't over the previous relationship. At least the pain of it.

As for the vacation plans... if it was to the same hotel, etc. then I can understand him being a little weird about going there. But to avoid an entire country because he spent time with an ex there is a little much, I think.

Definitely discuss this with him and let him know how it is making you feel in the relationship. But don't do it in an accusatory way. If he is still dealing with pain, he might lash out and it could become a fight quickly. Just tell him you understand but you want to concern yourself with your relationship with him, not his relationship with his ex.

Good luck.
23-08-11, 05:30 AM
kinks

Yeah I wondered if he was still hanging on to something or not :S I brought it up when I was with him today quite casually and he said 'maybe I should just get over it' and then laughed... So it was all quite jokey, but obviously becasue this was at work we couldn't really talk too seriously. When I'm with him alone properly next time I will. So long it does actually sound a bit off. I can't always judge because it's my first relationship and have no experience to compare to, so was just wondering if it was normal practice to avoid places like his ex's home area and places they've holidayed at.
23-08-11, 05:42 AM
girl68

This is weird and sounds like he's not over her or the relationship or the pain. Either way he's not over it.

I mean he can't honestly expect you to sit back and never enjoy something with him JUST because he went there with his ex. It's one thing to eat at a restaurant where she works. It's something else if he refuses to eat somewhere where they had previously eaten.

I'd say something on a more serious note. Ask him if he's truly over and done with her. If he's not he should take some time alone and deal with it. If he insists he is tell him to act like it. We can all unserstand a few single places that have special place like the anniversary hotel, or the restaurant they ate at when he told her he loved her... but those are far and few in between. He should be able to move forward and make new memories with you and forget the past and the pain that came with it.
12-02-12, 09:46 PM
kinks

OK well this is still happening. For christmas I got him gig tickets, stupidly I didn't check the address of the venue. Guess where it is, where his ex lives... So I ended up not being able to make the date anyway and he said maybe it's better that I don't go with him and he goes with a friend and thing will be less awkward. I got really upset. He's my first everything, so he tried to explain that he still hurts about it and it's hard me to understand because I don't have any exes. Am I being too immature getting upset by this? It's not the fact that he has exes, it's that he can't seem to go to the area where she lives, why he's so hung up on it after a year and a half. (We've been going out over a year too) Please someone tell me, is this me being insecure or is this actually an issue. Things have been weird with us for a week, he's distanced himself a little with me since we spoke about it :(
12-02-12, 10:43 PM
Boisdevie

The guy has a real problem and needs to deal with it asap. The fact that he won't go to a gig because she lives in same town is just wierd. Not normal. What next - is he going to stop eating some kind of food because SHE once at it. Perhaps he'll stop going to the toilet because she used to go to the toilet.
12-02-12, 10:53 PM
kinks

Also, he's the one that broke it off with her. He said it hurts to go there. And it's the happy things he remembers which makes them bad memories etc. Made me feel like complete shit.
12-02-12, 11:46 PM
VincenzoG91

He's an idiot. Tell him to be a man, to stop crying like a school girl over his ex.

...Or maybe he is cheating on you and using this excuse to avoid a potentially awkward situation with the other woman. Who was the friend that he took to the show? Are you sure that's who really went?
13-02-12, 03:39 AM
kinks

Quote:

Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He's an idiot. Tell him to be a man, to stop crying like a school girl over his ex.

...Or maybe he is cheating on you and using this excuse to avoid a potentially awkward situation with the other woman. Who was the friend that he took to the show? Are you sure that's who really went?

He didn't go in the end... I don't wanna seem too insensitive though... he's 33 and i'm 22
13-02-12, 03:52 AM
oneandonly

Is he hiding something or what? That's just too weird.......
13-02-12, 05:52 AM
kinks

Quote:

Originally Posted by oneandonly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Is he hiding something or what? That's just too weird.......

I can safely say no. He's a very very honest guy. And I'm 110% sure that he isn't hiding anything.

It just makes me sad he's still hung up on her, I mean he did break it off with her. And he's the one that pursued me etc.