What level of jealousy is "acceptable" or "normal"?
The last 3 relationships I had, including my 12 years marriage, involved my partner being very jealous and possessive. It came to the point where I just got annoyed and felt resentful.
Now, I am with a wonderful 38-year-old woman who has been very understanding and patient with me. I find that I act crazy sometimes, which is very unusual for me compared to my previous life. I find that I get jealous feelings. Funny thing is that I am not jealous of anything or anyone in the present tense. It's always someone in her past. I was never jealous of her ex-husband, whom I considered a total chump for losing her. I had strong feelings about the Arab ex-boyfriend from 20 years ago because he was rich, and was her first love. I got over it....and moved on.
Yesterday, while we were having a wonderful weekend together in Little Tokyo, Los Angeles, a conversation came up. I knew she had penpals before we met. In fact, I was one of her penpals, but a very unusual one. She always told me that her penpals were guys from all over the world....no one local, and nothing more than online email buddies. She accidentally mentioned that one guy had a squeaky voice. I started thinking, "wait....you never said you talked to them on the phone." Then I asked her casually, "so did you guys talk on the phone a lot?" Then she paused, and accused me of being a jealous freak again. I don't think I was being a jerk, I just noticed an inconsistency, and asked about it. She felt I was trying it "catch" her or something.... We talked it through...no arguing. I felt bad...and she felt hurt. I know I am mentally insane....and that's why I act weird. But now she tells me I am emotionally immature, and emotionally unavailable for a mature relationship. I don't know why I get myself into these complicated labels and stuff. I am so confused now...and tired....and sad.
I never thought of myself as an insanely-jealous type. I feel as though I'm being mislabeled by misinterpreted behavior. I'm 35 years old....have 2 kids.... I am a high-level executive. I would think I am mature enough as a person to deal with my life. Why do I feel like a 14-year-old pimple-faced nerd again? My shrink hasn't been able to figure it out.
What level of jealousy can you tolerate? How much is too much?