ruined everything?

My ex g/f & i have been seeing each other for quite awhile now. We were seeing each other for abour 2 years then we didn't see each other for about 3 & have been seeing each other for the past 2 years.

We have been arguing alot this past year & it mostly has to do with me moving in with her. I know i should have but she lives about an hour & half away & i said i would once i find a job up there. She kept saying just move here now & you can find a job when you get here. Most of our arguing over the years has been about my moving in with her which i know i should have done along time ago.

We have always got in arguments & sometimes she would contact me a few days later, weeks & sometimes a few months. We would get back together many times & things would be fine until we start arguing about me moving or her thinking i was cheating, which i never ever did. I understand she didn't trust me & i should have earned her trust.

Sometimes we would aruge & she would either tell me on the phone or email me saying we are done don't ever call or email me again or things like i dont love you & dont want you ever again. Then we would get back together after one of us called the other person.

I went to my parents for christmas & i came to her place a few days later & she was kind of upset because i didn't have my watch & she said did you leave it at one of your girls houses or i had a small suitcase & she said did one of your girls buy it for you for christmas. I said no i'm not seeing anyone.

We were getting along & she said just move in,we can go to counseling & work on any problems we have. I have stayed there in the past sometimes a few weeksd at a time & we got along great. I do live an hour & a half away from her now.

One night before we went to bed, she said she was so happy i'm moving in & that she never loved anyone as much as me. The very next day she said something isn't right & asked to look at my email. I said ok & showed her it. There was a email forward from a girl i seen a couple times a few years ago when we were broken up. She freaked out & asked how long i was seeing her & everything & i said i havent seen her in a few years which was true but she didn't believe me. We got in an argument & i ended up leaving. She left me a voicemail saying she never wants to see me again & that was my last chance with her. She called the police later & they called me telling me she wants me to have no contact with her. She has done this a few times in the past & maybe a couple weeks or month later she gets back in touch with me.

It has been about a month & she is a contact on my email & whenever someone changes their profile i get an alert. She changed hers saying i would never hurt her again & that she is goingout to celebrate the next day. Later on that night i get an email from her. It said i will never ever get a chance to be with her again. I had so much time & opportunities to do the right thing which i didn't do. She said she doesn't love me or think about me. She said if i call, email, or contact her in anyway she will call the police. She also said i lost the best thing that ever happened to me & that she will continue to pray for me.

I just wonder why she wrote this to me after a month? I already know i shouldnt contact her, she told the police to tell me that. She must be thinking about me to even write the email in the 1st place? Is she just very hurt, angry, frustrated? Or does she really not want me to have any contact with her or is she trying to get a response from me?

A friend of hers told me awhile ago that alot of times she emails me these kind of things or writes stuff on her blog to see if she gets a response from me. Does this maybe sound like what she might be doing? This also could be a pattern or cycle she is used to since she has done it so many times. I guess if i told someone i never want to see them again, that's what i mean. When she writes stuff like this i usually have responded in the past. Right now i havent done anything & not sure if i will.

I do love her & miss her very much & it's hard not to think about her. I know i have made many mistakes. I wish i could do everything over. I just don't know what to think. Since she has done alot of this in the past on several occasions it makes me think or atleast hope that she still cares about me but is just very angry & upset right now but i could be totally wrong? Any opinions or advice would be very helpful.