HELP ME! Im so shy I cannot talk to my crush....

Before you read this, know that I have been in several long relationships and short ones, and I am in my early 20s...

I need a guys advice... I have a crush on this guy that I work with. I've been his acquaintance for about 3 months since I started working there. We would randomly talk on and off at work when we would see each other, but then he myspace'd me recently so I started talking to him a little bit more. And that is when I kind of developed a crush on him, he is WAY more out going than me, which is intimidating... and now he comes up to me at work and wants to talk to me more but I am so shy now (I was not before I had crush on him) I get all tongue-tied, I can feel myself blushing. I could not even speak to him, one time he came up and made a comment about something we were joking about on myspace, and much to my dismay I couldnt say anything!! I feel like I am coming off as a bitch who is trying to ignore him, he even said that I was mean, but I think he may have been joking...

Either way it really sucks, because I think he wants to become better friends with me (he will go out of his way to come to my dept to talk to me, even though we are both really busy and he will joke around with me, even when I barely say anything back to him), I also will catch him looking at me when we are at meetings, and if I say something in a crowd even if everyone else ignores what I said he will comment... I do not know if these are signs that he has a crush on me too... but I just do not know what to do..

I definitely do not want to tell him that I have a crush on him, because I feel like I barely know him (and yknow how you can get a crush, but then you realize how that person REALLY is) but I want to say something so he knows that I am not trying to ignore him. So maybe we can become better friends...

PLEASE tell me what you would be thinking AND what I can do or say to make him understand, even if it hints that I have a crush on him, I just cannot tell him outright...

ask him if he wants to meet up for lunch or a cofee break or something like that. dont hint hime that you like him alot.... but hint him that you are interested in getting to know him.

He obviously has a crush on you too! If you can't talk to him in person then try it with text messaging or write a note.. I'm sure he won't mind because he has a crush on you too!

I don't think that dating someone at work is a good idea. That being said, I suppose you could just acknowledge that you feel silly, getting all shy around him when you see him in person. It would sort of break the ice, ya know?

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think that dating someone at work is a good idea.

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Uh, oh.

:french:

Why not, if its not long-term work? She is 19, so I think that means that she won't be staying there forever, maybe its just a part-time job beside college?

And what are you afraid of? Rejection? He is probably a nice guy, so you shouldn't make a fuzz over it. Guys tend to be nice towards girls, you know, we like girls.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think that dating someone at work is a good idea.

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I don't either.. but let's face it.. more than 60% of couples in metropolitan areas meet at work..

If you shut out that avenue for yourself.. you're only left with who you know through your family and friends.. and perhaps if you're lucky enough.. if Mr.Right falls out of nowhere into your lap.. so consider what Vash said.. which I agree with.. but don't kid yourself.. there's a wealth of potential partners at your work who you'd be shutting out of your life..

I've read your first post.. and I'd say it could go either way.. If he's more social and outgoing than you, chances are he's not one to be playing games.. before I go into that though; consider this.. Men and Women CAN be just friends.. I have lesbian friends which I'm always friendly with, I even joke-flirt with, and I actively listen to what they say, call them out for lunch.. etc.. (they have no interest in guys).. but we're still friends.. So don't rush to the conclusion that he likes you because he's being a good guy/co-worker..

Now, a guy like him, is probably fed up with games.. he's going to be a little more direct and to the point.. If he's going to call you over to lunch, he's going to tell you why.. or make it clear that he wants to be with you.. (when he does.. don't just sit there and wait for him to do all the work.. make the second step)..

I know, the female-complex.. early 20's there's some stigma against being direct with a guy.. (oh no! I hope he doesn't know that I like him! I want to find out if he likes me first.. and after that.. I'll consider letting him know if I like him.. I don't know though.. i'll see.. i'll wait for that right moment).. Get over this mentality.. it's only holding you back..

If you like him, and you feel that he's making some kind of advance.. then just follow it up.. Think about the following;

- Have you ever asked him out for lunch?
- Have you asked him what he's doing for the holidays?
- Have you asked him to go to some place together after work?
- Have you asked him to come with you somewhere during some weekend?

If you answered no; then you don't need me to tell you that you're obviously doing a poor job of letting him know that you're interested.. (YES! letting him know that you're interested! it's not the end of the world if he knows!).. It's not like you're going up to him and saying "I really like you".. no.. you're just giving him green-lights.. something he can work with.. "oh, she asked me to come there.. or with her.. come to think of it, I really like her, she's given me some signals that she might feel the same.. I should let her know how I feel.."..

I know what you're afraid of.. rejection.. but that's just dumb.. because you're not even asking him out.. all you're doing is on face-value is asking for company.. you're not confessing your undying love for him so that he can reject.. so relax.. stop being so nervous.. all you're going to have to do is give some green-lights..

1. He notices something you say and comments on it;
- Say thanks, I feel like you're the only one who hears what I say..
2. He asks you to go out or have lunch;
- Don't let him be the one to constantly ask you this, ask him yourself sometimes..
3. He myspaces you?
- Anyway; myspace him back, but don't make myspace a habit, you should be comfortable speaking in person, not having to result to myspace.. but message him, write on his blog or whatever it's called.. he'll start to get the message.. and that's EXACTLY what you want him to get.. the feeling that you're interested.. and if he's interested.. he'll take the second step.. if he's not.. he'll just keep things on that level.. (it takes some time, because guys are slow).. but even if he isn't interested.. don't feel like you've been rejected.. you were simply being friends on face-value.. it's not like you expressed feelings..

you're a woman.. you probably won't ever know what rejection is.. it's not finding out that the person you're interested doesn't want to take the second step.. because you haven't left yourself wide open and revealed how you feel.. only guys do this.. and that's what rejection is.. when they express how they feel (clearly, directly, and out in the open).. and they get rejected.. that's NOT what you're doing.. so DON'T be afraid of rejection.. because it's NEVER going to take place! EVER!

I hope this helps, best of luck..

friendly hint: it helps if you have the following mentality.. (if I was a guy, i'd go out with me.. not being overly-condifent, but there's nothing wrong with me, i'm attractive, I dress well, I have a great magnetic personality.. so, i'd be pretty flattered if female-ME approached male-ME and asked me to spend time together or for my company..)

: )

Ask him out to a movie, dinner or some kind of activity. Just go out as friends and see where it leads. That way you tell are telling him you like him but not saying the exact words. You should try it, I used to make this one girl laugh all the time, even saying one sentence made her laugh she really enjoyed my company. Obviously I liked her but she never asked me out. If you really like a guy you will ask him out otherwise he will go somewhere else.

Just because you couldn't say much, doesn't rule out body language. My personal experiences are that body language shows what someone really wants to say, but says something else because it's easier. You should google it and do some research.

If he comes to see you at work, just smile and be abit flirty. If niether of you ever pushes it alittle more, then your never going to get anywhere in your relationship together.

Just get that shy BS out of your system, by being shy you gain nothing. And i'm talking on personal experience here, when i really liked a guy i used to get all shy, words wouldn't come out right if any at all... ended up leaving a vague impression. So now that i acknowledge this, i can be myself when around a man i like and i end up leaving an impression good enough for them to ask me out! Just be confident, act as you normally would :)