A bit of a sticky situation. WARNING LONG POST

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19-06-12, 03:05 PM
TXAG2012

A bit of a sticky situation. WARNING LONG POST

Hi!

Just need some advice from people who are neutral to the situation to see if y'all can help.

There's this girl named Christina that has been a very close friend of mine for several years. We are practically inseparable. This started back in September of 2011, but I kinda felt as though she may be getting too comfortable around me. I noticed that she would sit down next to me and always find an excuse to leave absolutely no space between us so she could show me something on her phone or whisper something to me(usually something silly or otherwise harmless). She's a bartender, and I was at her apartment one night before she was going to work (I had promised her I'd come by, and go with her to work and get drunk with my friends there at her bar) and she comes downstairs in a towel holding two shirts. She asks me which one to wear. Well, this is when I start thinking "oh ok, I'm just THAT hyper friendzoned" and I breathe a small sigh of relief. I jokingly say that I am not gay and can't help her with fashion. She replies "I'll put it like this, which one would make you want to **** me more?"

Other small things that just kind of added up to the point where I'm being asked by other friends about what's going on with Christina and I. Of course, nothing is, but nobody believes me. Now, why on earth is this a bad thing? You probably have guessed it by now. BOYFRIEND. I am absolutely crazy about her, but I am perfectly fine and happy with being her friend. That's not what this is about.

It got to the point where word could reach her boyfriend, and I'm not exactly a small wimp, but I do not want to get into a fight over something that isn't happening. So I went to talk to her about it. I told her that because of some things she was doing, other people were getting the impression that something was going on between us, and even I was starting to wonder what her intentions were. She understood where I was coming from, agreed to be more careful, she had just gotten so comfortable around me that it sort of seemed that way, but this was not the case.

So that's where the story ends right? Wrong

A few weeks pass(we are in April 2012 now) and it's her 21st birthday. I show up to the bar street, and she's already trashed. So we make our way to the bar she works at, and the manager gives us a few free bottles of Grey Goose and Johnny Walker. Side note: HOORAY FOR BARTENDER FRIENDS. Free high dollar booze? College students in heaven there. So she shoves the goose in my face, I drink a ton of it, so does she, and we end up drunk. I wasn't trashed by any means, but poor Christina is a lightweight, so she is HAMMERED.Every few minutes or so, she runs up to me and gives me a big hug, telling me how happy she is that I'm there, as if she was continually forgetting I was there. Each time, she held on a little longer and a little tighter until she eventually grabbed my head and tried to kiss me. I pulled away, pretending not to notice. I'm a little bit panicked too. I kept a close eye on her the rest of the night because this was the worst I'd ever seen her. She kept asking for me, kept finding me, and that happened. A few minutes later, I saw her sucking face with her roommate Lauren. Once I got my 22 year old male mind under control, I went and talked to Lauren, because that is NOT something Christina would normally do. Apparently she was upset she would not be getting a birthday kiss, so Lauren, being a lesbian and somewhat of a manipulator, stepped in. I continued to keep close eyes on Christina. Nothing like that happened with anyone else. I kept drinking and after a few hours, the lights went out.

The next day, Christina calls me and wants to know what happened. She tells me that Lauren already told her about what happened with them, and she feels awful about it because she felt like she cheated on her boyfriend (who hasn't lived in the same town for about a year and a half now) and asked me what else happened. I told her everything, excluding the attempted kiss. She says she doesn't remember anything, and I felt like she was better off not knowing. After that it went back to the way things were a few weeks before, the same types of things that would suggest she's a very aggressive single woman, but she isn't.

So my question is this. Did I do the right thing protecting her from herself regarding her birthday? And just what in the hell is going on with her? It's not like she's cheated on this guy before, I already told you her and I were very close and knew pretty much everything each other had done, she was VERY loyal to him. She lost her virginity to him, and I know how much that means to people in general, I was very attached to my first. I've since graduated and moved away, and she always wants me to come visit, offers to let me stay with her. So what's her deal?

Thank you for your time in reading this novel
21-06-12, 12:53 AM
RdHrshyKss

it seems pretty obvious that she likes you...or maybe it's the fact that you haven't given in to her flirtations that makes you so appealing to her. either way, she is in a relationship and is off-limits. do not get in the middle of that. if she is truly interested in developing something with you, she would have dumped her bf by now. i'd steer clear of her and find yourself another girl. nothing good comes of getting involved with someone who is already in a relationship.
21-06-12, 05:37 AM
TXAG2012

Well, I would love to be with her, but I recognize that's not in the cards. We are legitimately very close friends and she's even proven to be an excellent wing chick when we go out together. That's why I'm so confused. She'll be a wingchick one night, really pushing some random girl to go home with me (usually without my knowledge until this random girl seems to want me really bad) and the next night, be all over me again. I don't get it.

She's been with this other guy for about 2 and a half years now. He hasn't lived in the same city for a year and a half. Perhaps she's lonely? I don't know. I just fear that one night, a perfect storm could brew where she comes onto me too hard, and I give in. I'm not even close to a perfect man, and despite the fact that I've been cheated on by every girlfriend I've ever had, I really do not think I can resist an outright advance from her in a private setting. In addition to being a very close friend for so long, she is easily the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. She's never overtly come onto me outside of her birthday, most everything has been subtle flirting.
21-06-12, 05:54 AM
BackUpOrGetStng

Keep using her as a wing chick. Next time she comes onto you make a deft move back at her. She'll either back off or come on harder(which is what you really want anyway).

If she does make a serious pass at you, you should rail the hell out of her. Don't let that change how you treat her, because she will start to **** with your brain if you start with the I love you nonsense or whatever.
21-06-12, 06:04 AM
Wakeup

I dunno.. I'm seeing in that opening post that you're her girlfriend with dangly bits. Google "The Ladder Theory" and read which ladder you appear to be on. P.s. You're no "friend" if you'd take advantage of her when she's drunk and she's the type of a girl that kisses other girls (or anyone who'll be as stupid as she's being).
21-06-12, 08:05 AM
TXAG2012

Back up: That's what I'm trying to avoid. Should she become single, that's a completely different story.

Wakeup. **** you. How dare you say from that that I would take advantage of her? In fact, I clearly demonstrated how that is not the case. And she was furious at Lauren for taking advantage of her when she was drunk. Seriously. **** you, you unhelpful cunt.
21-06-12, 11:37 PM
BackUpOrGetStng

How about you quit being such a little bitch?

If she's good at getting other chicks to **** you, then just use her for that purpose.

What's wrong with ****ing her if she comes onto you?
21-06-12, 11:56 PM
warriormaiden

Um, because unlike most douche bag men our age, he has morals??

I applaud you for resisting her, when she was clearly flying off at the wheel and unable tioake rational choices. People should have more friends like that. If this is really really bugging you, ask her about it. You could say it in a way that could leave an opening for either outcome. Like, for instance. 'Dude, you've been reaaally flirty with me lately, what is up with THAT!" Laugh laugh laugh.

And then that could open up the discussion on you and her, without dimming the happy care free mood that your friendship has.
22-06-12, 04:25 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by TXAG2012 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Back up: That's what I'm trying to avoid. Should she become single, that's a completely different story.

Wakeup. **** you. How dare you say from that that I would take advantage of her? In fact, I clearly demonstrated how that is not the case. And she was furious at Lauren for taking advantage of her when she was drunk. Seriously. **** you, you unhelpful cunt.

You're an asshole. no wonder you're stuck in the friend zone. You're her MALE girlfriend for christ sakes and you're reading every little thing she does as her being into you. Do you think the girl she flirted with (while drunk) and kissed thinks shes actually coming onto her too? pffft.

I didn't say you would do anything with her. I said you wouldn't be a friend if you did take advantage (like what back up was suggesting you do) So go be her girlfriend with dangly bits and quit whining about it.
22-06-12, 04:40 AM
Cerby

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're an asshole. no wonder you're stuck in the friend zone. You're her MALE girlfriend for christ sakes and you're reading every little thing she does as her being into you. Do you think the girl she flirted with (while drunk) and kissed thinks shes actually coming onto her too? pffft.

I didn't say you would do anything with her. I said you wouldn't be a friend if you did take advantage (like what back up was suggesting you do) So go be her girlfriend with dangly bits and quit whining about it.

The last part is actually good advice. My best female friend introduced me to several great women. Be the girlfriend with dangly bits, it's not necessarily a bad thing :)
22-06-12, 04:55 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

Be the girlfriend with dangly bits, it's not necessarily a bad thing

No, it's only a bad thing when who you're girlfriend with dangly bits with has a boyfriend and you're confused or conflicted when she's simply treating you like her platonic friend who she gets to flirt with cause he's 'Safe'
22-06-12, 05:18 AM
BackUpOrGetStng

How is banging her if she comes onto him, taking advantage of her?
22-06-12, 05:26 AM
Wakeup

If she does it when she's drunk and kissing women as well as men then she's just being a fking idiot who wants attention. If he were to do her then, he would be taking advantage of someone who's just an attention whore. (which she sounds like she is anyway). If she comes onto him when she's sober... well then it's up to him if he wants to cuckhold another guys chick. In which case if they get together he'll always wonder if she'd do it with me, then she might do it on me. Not everyone is comfortable screwing for the sake of getting it done. Go figure!
22-06-12, 06:51 AM
IndiReloaded

Kudos for showing some restraint and having morals, as some here have said. You sound like a true friend.

But, she sounds ripe for stealing. Yes, she clearly likes you and, given her LDR she is probably lonely. I think you called this right.

Since you obviously care about her also, I'm going to give the tried and true advice:

Tell her you care, tell her she's beautiful, a wonderful friend etc. Her BF sounds MIA anyway, so not like you are risking a baseball bat. But tell her your morals don't allow stealing or kissing some other guy's GF. Say that you would love to date her but she needs to breakup with her BF. Tell her this as her friend, and also suggest she lay off the booze until she sorts things out.

Then, back off and let her make a decision. Its not for you to push her, or enable her. I'd even cut back on the friendship things just to give her a chance to think about what its like to be without you. In the end, she has to grow up and make a choice for her own reasons. If she leaves it too long (give it a couple weeks), gently remind her about your feelings and ask her if she is okay with you seeing other girls. Of course you don't need her permission but it sends the message you are serious but you won't wait forever. You'll know from this whether there's any chance for something more than friends.

I wish you all the best. You sounds like a really nice guy.