Where had the sex gone?

Hi all not sure how to cope. My wife and I have been married for 10yrs now (both in our mid 30's) and since we got married the amount of sex has decreased gradually.
I feel very frustrated as it's been at least 6 months since we had sex. She will quite happily allow me to pleasure her as long as it doesn't involve sex. I have a very high sex drive and am struggling to cope.
She puts more effort into keeping the house sterile than putting effort into our relationship.
Help/advice please.

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Title meant to say has, not had.

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Erixon, there are numerous things which can diminish a woman's sex drive. Off the top of my head: depression, medication, the demands of a young family, being overweight or ill.

Also, problems in the bedroom can be caused by problems outside the bedroom. What is your relationship like in general? Are you loving, supportive and pleasant to be around? Do you still make each other laugh? Are you spending enough time together? If you were your wife, would you want to have sex with you?

Make sure she knows that you're struggling with this issue and that you need it to be addressed. She could start with getting a once over at the doctor...and if all that is fine, it's time to look at the relationship/lifestyle.

Have you asked your wife whats wrong?

Most discussions about sex usually end up in an argument because she basically doesn't want to talk about it.
She's always fretting about cleaning etc. I even hired a cleaner, but it's made minimal difference.
I think she is depressed, she worries about her weight and we do have a two yr old.


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If she doesn't want to talk about it then things are not good at all. So you need to decide is this one of those 'fix things or it's over' moments? If she's not prepared to talk about it then you either accept how crap the situation is OR let her know just what will happen if things don't improve. Sounds like communication is not exactly wonderful in your relationship and that needs fixing right NOW.

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Originally Posted by erixon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Most discussions about sex usually end up in an argument because she basically doesn't want to talk about it.
She's always fretting about cleaning etc. I even hired a cleaner, but it's made minimal difference.
I think she is depressed, she worries about her weight and we do have a two yr old.

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When you talk about it, what does your approach sound like?

You're at the point where marriage counseling would be a good next step. A good marriage counselor can help resolve differences when simply talking isn't leading anywhere. If your wife is suffering from depression, then they can navigate a solution to that issue as well. Your wife will also have to take the issue more seriously when you insist on getting professional help. I wouldn't wait too long. The longer this goes on, the further you will drift apart and the harder it will be to rebuild the relationship. Now that you still feel the need to be with her, it's a good time to fix things. Good luck!

are you affectionate towards each other? do you kiss each other hello and goodbye? cuddle on the couch? flirt? do you spend qiuality time without toddler? a night out for two at least once a month? does your child have a proper bedtime routine? does he/she sleep in your bed? is your wife working full time? if yes, do you help out at home and with the child?

she may just be v tired and worn out. or maybe her vigorous cleaning is her "escape"

ask your wife for counselling. in fact, book a session now and then tell her you made an appointment for you both as you want to save your marriage now. if she says no-tell her this is serious-your worried this is the beginning of the end and your trying your best to make it work because you love her.

try not to place too much importance on sex alone. talk about affection, intimacy, feeling close, connecting on an emotional and pysical level etc. it just comes across far better when you see it as an emotional need and a physical one and helps her understand the importance

best of luck