We've fallen in love with each other at different times, she doesn't love me anymore.
Hiii all,
I know this migh be long but i just want to discuss and listen to different people's opinions on my situation.
So there's this girl i met at college (she never had a bf and i never had a gf), she was really interested in me and so was i, on our first week of getting to know each other, she was in love with me, but i wasn't, i really really liked her (couldn't antcipate me falling in love with her in the future, i'll get to that), but i just didn't have a burning feeling like she had for me, most of the time she was the one starting the convo, always responded fast, asked me if i was busy when i take time to respond, hated when i fall asleep when she wasn't done talking, at college we were besties, always with each other and people thought we were couples, one day i ****ed things up when i found an excuse when she asked me out, it's not that i didn't want to go out with her it's just because i was hesitating and made the wrong decision, and did so many shit things to her, like bailing out of a convo she enjoyed without saying good night and similar things, after some weeks i felt guilty and wanted to correct my mistakes so i asked her out on a date, she accepted (because i remember her telling me she'd go out with me anywhere i want), it was a wonderful afternoon and she was exited and thanked me
After this i started having feelings for her until i was dead in love, and by that time i saw her interest in me going down, i ended up confessing after some time even tho 90% of myself believed she was no longer in love with me, and i was kinda right, she told me that she loves someone else , i told her i was sorry for every shit i did, but she replied i was verry nice and anything a girl want but told me that i just don't know how to act and didn't have balls, and said 'you don't appreciate things until you see yourself losing them', which was wrong to me because she didn't know something.
After a week i wanted to get something off my shoulder and we had a discusion about love and stuff, and was just trying to prove to her that love is more about DESTINY AND FATE than balls, we've fallen in love with each other at different times (not the first time to happen, same thing happened to me a year ago with another girl only i was the first one to fall in love), if i rejected her it wasn't because i didn't have balls, it's because i wasn't in love with her when she was, we don't choose whom we love or when we love, destiny kept us apart.
When i was done with my argument i told her that if she loves someone else my feelings for her can't last forever (at least that's how a function, i can't control falling in love but i can control 'exiting love' when i prove to myself there's no hope), and told her that our intimate love between us is pretty much over, she was heartbroken when i said that, she told me 'what if i lied when i said i love someone else, i was trying to save my dignity as a girl when you ignored me telling you you are pretty', i told her that she can't lie a lie like this, if she was still in love with me she wouldn't've said that, she answered she don't know, she can't say yes nor no, this didn't make sense to me, love is straight forward for me, either yes or no, there's no in between, is it that complicated ?, she told me not to rush and it's been only 1 week since i confessed, and to leave it to time maybe one day we end up together, again this didn't make sense to me and i just told her 'okay we'll see' even tho it wasn't okay for me.
Till this day we are still best friends and always with each other at uni and planned many dates in the near future, but 90% of my self still believes she no longer loves (it's so obvious) and she didn't lie after all, maybe she has a long distance relationship she's hiding (and i really don't care if this person exists, i only care about her love for me being genuine or not) she's probably just enjoying me being in love around her, it really hurts being in love with someone who doesn't love you back, i want to get off this situation, and there are 2 scenarios.
Should i try to win her back, or just forget about it all and go back being a friend ?
