Please help me, please... listen to what I have to say.
first off I am so grateful that you are reading this post because at this point, I need some guidance in my life as I am so afraid to screw it up more. 2ndly please excuse my grammar and organization it is hard to write… but, again, thanks.
Meady: a Hmong girl I truly felt like I can live with for the rest of my life. Have not seen another else who is cute as her and talks so well with me. She is in a relationship for 2.5 years but she cries many many nights talking to her boyfriend who lives 800 miles away.
Me: a logical person in general but when it comes to heart-churning moments, it is hard to appeal to reason and my emotions over take me, and I cry out my pains to meady (losing my cool, to simply put). People consider me a really nice person, I usually do not go after girls with boyfriends already but this one really caught my heart. I liked many people in the past but only two people made my heart melt. And she is one of them, that is why I am so unwilling to give up.
I have only known her for 1.5 month, but we talked average 2 hrs on the phone everyday. I have visited her four times in total, and both of us liked eachother more and more. She lives 300 miles away, and she has this jerk boyfriend who says mean things such as she is only a sex tool for him and he does not care for her at times. To my judgment, the boyfriend is inconsiderate, physically unappealing, and mean (others say this).
We started to like eachother more and more and I know I love her at this point. The farthest we gone is I had her in my arms and we kissed, that was the best day of my life until the next day something happened. She like(d?) me and I love her. (on top of that, all her friends tell her to give me a chance, her family likes me more than her boyfriend, so I have outside support)
Meady is a good girl and is very considerate of other’s opinions and feelings. Sometimes I feel she rather sacrifice herself. She had sex with her boyfriend before, maybe before the summer, and now her boyfriend wants them to get married because his parents are asking if they had sex. Meady does not want to get married but she might have to if her parents find out (it is in the Hmong culture). So she got very stressed and she made up her mind to tell me to forget about her, because she said she does not want to see me hurt. Now, she MADE up her mind and it is pretty hard at this point to change it. I tried but she is ambivalent herself, she still let me touch her hand and I can see the feelings in her eyes but she pulls away from my hugs or kisses.
Right now, she wants me to be a normal friend, and she feels guilty for kissing me before since now she might have to marry her boyfriend against her will. She is talking to me less now, and I can feel the same feeling from before is almost gone, a tiny little barrier exist between us.
Imagine, the girl you love and you finally found after a long searching is about to disappear from your life, leaving the good memories that brings aching to your heart. You know the best thing is probably to forget about her like she said, but in the back of your mind you are thinking about her happiness as well, and you know that you will be a better soulmate for her because there is nothing in the world that you can love more. Tick tock, time is running out…
Please give me advice, I can no longer see the world the same way i see before, I used to be cool and confident, but no longer... I have brought my self so low, so pathetic, if only what I choose to gave up can change someone else's mind and let her realize her heart again.
