In love with my ex/best friend?!?!?!?!

Hello guyss...

I am in a bit of a mess I think. :surprised
I broke up with a guy I was a dating in spring last year because I was unhappy and going through a tough time and was in therapy too. We have stayed close friends though, probably because we were really just dating so our relationship never actually got very far and I have been sure ever since I broke up that I feel nothing romantic for him and no attraction although I have several times found myself looking at him when we're doing something, just feeling a sudden desire to hug him or be close to him but I push it away and just tell myself that it won't make me happy. ?

But recently though I found out he's possibly seeing someone, they've only been out once and since he told me i've wanted to spend even more time with him to test my emotions and he has gladly gone out with me so. It makes me feel very sad and heartbroken at the thought of him with someone else. I don't know what he still feels for me? I guess we kind of do flirt a lot when I think about it... but i've never seen it was flirting but when I think about it... But he is the most respectful guy i've ever met so he'd never try anything unless he knew 100% that i'd be okay with it and I have told him when we broke up that I want us to be completely platonic so he REALLY keeps his distance physically now unless I sit very close to him for example and lean on him he doesn't exactly move away.

I have thought about telling him how i've started to feel but it feels like a bad idea because what if the feeling goes away again and I break up again and that would ruin everything forever? He's the person who knows me the best and I couldn't picture my life without him. :'( I just don't want to ruin anything. What do I do?

You bring that wall of text into an actually readable form
So that other people can help you

And you don't be a c u n t. Thank you. :)

First you have to know what exactly you want

Then u basically have some option: make a move on him
Not make a move
Both have the possible outcome that he will not like it
Both have the possible outcome that he wants you too
Making a move can be stopped changed or altered
Not making a move cannot

Therefore i suggest you decide what you want and then do everything to make it so. How he reacts you do not know. But you never know- so that doesn’t really matter

I think he wouldn't exactly not like it. He sort of asked me about my emotions recently because i've been more "on" than usual... and then he said it's far from a bad thing. I didn't explain anything though because I don't wanna ruin the friendship. I already sort of broke up once, if we start dating again and I change my mind again it could be over for good. Sure I know some people who are on-off-on-off-on-off for years but that's not exactly ideal either. Not that i'd have any problem with that I think but he's got certain issues with depression for example and it's pretty bad actually, i'm not sure how he would react to getting hurt again. This is one of the reasons i'm doubting getting back together as a couple because although he was the perfect boyfriend in every way he has problems too and it's not like they don't affect the relationship.

So the problem is that you want him on some level but you fear getting hurt?

Acting out of fear is not of lethani

The problem is I fear ruining the friendship too incase the relationship doesn't work out and I already know it wouldn't longterm... But I can't ignore my feelings? And if he really feels the same too why should I? But it's still complicated!

If you cannot or do not talk withyour friend about your friendship and relationship
If you lie to him and pretend not to be interested
Then I have some news for you:
You are no friends
Because friends don’t do this

Well my friend is complicated. He gets almost pissed if I ask him about the girl he is possibly dating. Says if we're friends and since we are just friends I should know it's not my business and he has not denied a relationship but also not confirmed one. He's always free though, on weekends, at night since we text then and on valentines day when he is also free but wants to keep the day open... I'm suspicious he might be trying to make me jealous... Guess I shouldn't blame him since I kind of broke his heart. He has been bitter often in his attitude since I broke up and used the "but we're just friends"-argument a lot, not just in this situation yet he has never wanted to break our contact.
I have decided that all I can do is to be honest though and tell him how I feel. I may be afraid my feelings change again but right now I am hurting so much from the thought of him with someone else and that must mean something.

If you tell him, and he goes for it, you can pretty much guarantee that at some point the feeling will go away. It will come back though too. Feelings simply come and go. If you like the guy and get on well, just stay with him regardless of your feelings at any given time. That's how its done. The Hollywood ideals are nonsense.