Very confusing break-up. Need advice.

Hi there!

Needless to say, I have a problem with a relationship of mine. Or actually the break-up and its reasons.
I just turned 21 and a few months ago started working in a new place. I met a guy there (who is 25) and we started dating. At first I wasn't sure and I didn't think things would turn into a relationship. But that's maybe because I'm a very closed person, I don't open up easily. Well, everything was great. Even the fact that he had told me from the beginning, that maybe he will get a great job abroad and will be possibly leaving in a few months, couldn't make me rechange my mind about the relationship, I was more sure about the person than I ever had been. He hung out with my friends, got along with them so well. He made me feel so safe, so happy. And my friends told me that he was absolutely glowing as well and that they really think this would last for a long time and we had found a right person to be with.

Well, of course things didn't stay that great. At a very random point I felt that he was very distant, he didn't act the same, he was cold. And that was weird for me, because we hadn't had any problems, no fights, nothing. And I confronted him about that. He said that he is very confused, doesn't know what he wants and when we were away from each other for a few days because of my family events, he thought a lot and realized that he can't be in a relationship at the moment. I was so confused. He of course said, that the problem was him, not me. That I'm great and I should never think that I'm not enough for someone. He also said that it is hard for him too and it is always in his mind that in a few months he will be leaving and things would be much harder then. He also said that I can always count on him and he will be there for me. And so on. All those pretty words, which are very qliche and don't make me feel better at all. Oh, and he also said that because I had a birthday coming up, he didn't bring it up himself, because he didn't want to ruin my birthday.

Okay, I was confused, i couldn't sleep and so on. But he kept talking to me on facebook, and it was hard. But one morning he told me that he went out with a close friend of mine. I was shocked, okay, they got along well, but they had only seen each other a few times. I was crushed. Then that friend started talking to me. And he understood things differently. My ex had been drinking the whole day and when out, talked a lot to my friend that he is so confused and he is to blame for this, although he doesn't understand what he did. My friend understood from his talk, that I am the one who doesn't want to be together at the moment. And that my ex is totally heart-broken. When I told my friend how things actually are, he was totally confused and surprised, he didn't understand anything. He said that he understood things totally differently and that we should talk things out with my ex. Then I wrote to my ex on facebook (not the right place to do that, I know) and asked what's going on, that he told things totally differently to my friend. And my ex responded that he was drunk and he doesn't have anything else to tell me and he doesn't want to make things even worse. I was shocked once again. I really don't understand him. And on top of all that, I heard from another friend who didn't really communicate with my ex, that my ex had written to him on facebook that night while he was out. And the text was something like this: ''what kind of a life is this. Everything is f**ked up.'' And I was even more shocked. Why would he do that? I am the one who should (and is) feeling like that. And to my friends? He has friends of his own.. I'm so confused.

Any other experiences like this? Or anything at all to say about this situation?

I would be very thankful for any kind of replies :)

Every breakup is sorrowful. I suggest if he don't understand you, or don't care you by heart. Then you should not try to embrace him. Just throw him out of your holy life.....

Of course it is. But the breakups you don't understand are the hardest. Is it that he doesn't understand me? Or I just don't understand him and there is an explanation for it? Because all my friends who saw him said that he really consideres me a part of his life and tries to include me to everything he does. I know I should not try to make excuses for him, but it is very hard to throw someone out, who you thought you'd spend a long time together. And especially when nothing was wrong before. Did really the few days we spent apart make him change his mind?

And why the hell would he tell things like that to my friends? Of course I would find out about what he said.. But why is the storyline different when he tells it to my friends or when I tell it?

Perhaps write him a private message on facebook where you tell him something like "I just want to make clear that I didn't want our relationship to end. I hope you know it. You don't need to reply to this message, it's just to clarify the situation."

Well, I've done that. I told him that I don't want things to be like this. And I told him that I had a light of hope that things will be back to normal when I heard what he had told my friends. And then he told me that he doesn't have anything else to say to me, because he doesn't want to make things any worse. He also said that I can always write to him, but he doesn't guarantee that he'll answer, because he is afraid he'll say something wrong.

it sounds to me like hes manipulative and enjoys playing the victim. i think you should just block him on FB and get on with your life. he sounds like a tool

Ive thought about that too. Maybe it is true. But I appreciate my friends' opinion a lot and there's no way my ex could've possibly thought that my friends will think he is the victim, when they hear my side of story. But for a moment maybe that was exactly his plan, I don't know.

I will try my best to get on with my life as soon as possible. but it is hard, it will be on my mind for a long time probably.