How a young man never found love.

Dearest all loveforum.net users,

I have just joined this website and therefore would like to introduce myself as well as describe my situation to all other users across this website.
Firstly, I would like to give a brief description of myself. I am turning 20 this year, I am 5 foot 8 and I am (fairly) skinny for my age. I come from England, UK. This post will be fairly long and so I hope you read through my post and post any necessary comments that will help me!

Since I am turning 20 years old this year, I have NEVER kissed, dated or had sexual intercourse with a girl. I have always had an interest in dating since school, but always have been turned down or looked down upon. A few months ago, I got fairly close to a girl only to be deep into the friendzone. She managed to meet a close friend of mine since we were in a similar subject course and within a week they met and started dating; just only two days after I asked her out and she said no. I was very upset by this for quite a while, seeing as I saw them every day (and was crushing on her for months!!!!) and I was angry with myself for being (so) unattractive. Since then, I vowed to improve my overall "look".

I recently started university and was introduced to a girl. With advice from friends, I made sure to act quickly into asking her on a date. She said no and I was disappointed in myself and I started to question myself again....what is so wrong with me? It seems like now that she might be taking an interest into my best friend....deja vu perhaps?

Onto the main topic - I see myself with a girl that I respect and respect themselves. For me - I would think of relationships as something serious and so I am not one to have one night stands. Another anecdote for you all, I tried to "wingman" my friend into taking a girl home for the night and I went and chatted to her friend to keep her busy. After ten minutes of talking, she seemed to have pretty much laughed in my face and called me nerdy. I sometimes question this as I do wear glasses - but they are fashionable designer glasses that I paid for and I do wear fashionable clothes....so what did I do wrong?
Back to the matter at hand, I do see relationships as something serious and the girl that I asked out on a date is someone that I would say is "in my league" perhaps. I wouldn't say I'm "picky" at all - I would say that I'm more realistic and don't even bother flirting with girls that I would think would never go on a date with a guy like me

My approach to girls is to always introduce myself, get her to smile/laugh, maybe buy her a drink and maybe tell her she looks beautiful/amazing etc and maybe get her number. This is in any enviroment - mostly at parties when friends introduce their friends to me. I have only traded numbers with a girl once in a club and surprisingly... she came and talked to me and asked for MY number...but I later saw her talking to many many guys that night and therefore she isnt really my type of girl.

Any friend of mine would describe me as nice, talkative, hygenic and polite. If I was to go on a date with someone, I would make it fun as possible and aim to make the girl happy and see me as someone that they would date....so honestly....what is wrong with me? I think honestly, I'm just too plain ugly! OK, I have a couple of spots on my face here and there that clear up, OK I dont have the most built body in the world....but I'm nice and respectful....doesn't that count for anything?? :( :( :(


Worst thing is, everytime I talk or even THINK about this subject....it feels like a million darts are hitting my heart and my head hurts a little and my eyes start to water a little bit. I plead for expert advice in this matter, as I honestly see no hope in myself. I'm turning 20....and a girl has never felt attracted to me....ever.



FACT.




(I welcome all replies - all I ask is to be nice. I'm a little sensitive.)

That line made me smile a little so here's a little emoticon to show I'm not always sad - :) )


- Your friend

soccerguy987

Well you have two options. Accept yourself, appercance and everything and start to love yourself so that girls love you just because you love yourself. Or change apperance, take care of your health and soul just so that you can start love yourself.

Basicaly when your life is what you want it to be you are naturaly attracting people without even trying. Only problem I see here is you seek for aproval you want to feel accepted. But most easy thing how to do it is be okay and in peace with yourself in first place.

However you want to love that person in mirror too so dont have faults in first place so it will be easier. Everyone have problems but diference is beautiful people solve them asap. Skin can easly be cleared with exfoliation(buy simple anti black head lotion and use it few times a week.), drink lot of clean water, eat vegetables few times a day and spend time in fresh air and sun whenever possible. And dont worry.
This might help.

loveforum.net/threads/85674-Guide-on-interacting-with-girls

Also you live in UK and man few hundrets quits will be well spend to visit London - Kezia Noble or Sasha Daygame bootcamp. You can youtube it. This can change your life, things that would take years to learn is possible to expierience in days or weeks.

soccerguy, I'm thinking about the comment that you're 'nerdy'. You know, it may not be about your appearance, but in the way you talk. Now, there's nothing wrong with being a nerd but it's worth thinking about how nerds tend to be attracted to other nerds. (Just as how party animals are attracted to other party animals - "birds of a feather" and all that)

What are you studying at Uni? Is it a 'left brain' subject? I'm just wondering if you'd improve your chances if you start looking at girls who are also a bit nerdy.

And just in case your 'look' has got something to do with it, have you got any female friends who can give you honest critique?

pcmaster - Thank you for the advice. Upon starting university, I had an open mind when meeting girls. I would say in the last few months, I have improved my overall interaction with girls. It isn't quite perfect yet but I can hold a decent conversation with girls. I feel as though I am slightly scared of rejection and my confidence would go down dramatically when I get rejected. This is only because I know that the girl I like likes someone else who is x10000 better looking meaning overall is a better person than I am. I have considered being a typical teenage guy and flirt with everyone..however this could have results which won't end nicely! Another thing I may consider is online dating to boost confidence - but I won't properly show my face to avoid no replies. I did like your advice however - maybe I'll just have to learn to love myself a little bit more and maybe girls will be more attracted to me. I suppose I just have to be confident.

Well what can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic bottom line. The word "hopeless" capitalised, underlined and bold :(


basilandthyme - I actually wouldn't consider myself fully a nerd. Between the ages of 13/14 - 16 I was bullied by other individuals and had no friends at all - I used to hang out with other people in my class that would be considered not very popular at all. When looking/going for girls - I would be realistic. For example; seeing as I'm the "nerd" I wouldn't exactly aim to date a supermodel because that's completely out of my comfort zone. OK I have glasses, but I still wouldn't consider myself nerdy. I do wear fashionable clothes, wear deodrant and aftershave and clean myself on a regular basis.

Like I said to pcmaster - I'm actually fairly comfortable in the whole interaction with girls type of thing. I have asked female friends what they may think of me and they said they wouldnt call me ugly at all. I'll ask a few more female friends sometime in a few weeks and will mention on this post. I am a right brain individual btw.

Have you considering that being like a regular teenage guy and flirting with everyone may actually bring results? I'm thinking that the other lads behave this way because it works for them.

When you go to clubs theres no even need to talk much.

So moral is if you are average guy you have to work harder to get those hot girls you want since they will be okay with you giving attention and making progress but they wont invest that much. When you are good looking guy girls will be very welcoming once they know they got your attention and you like them(compliment). They way you explained things it seems like you do some basic stuff like talk, compliment and phone number and there you stop. How about turning girl on(dancing) and asking does she want to fck? Dont be picky but go for girls you feel comfortable with and can feel like a man. Girls who wont make you feel insecure. You have to thing you are better than girl so you can dominate and its very attractive when man takes a lead and are confident.

Man you would be surprised how happines and loving yourself can change looks. Even of matter of minutes when some beautiful girl gives you ego boost you can change from ugly to beautiful.

You know once I was looking in mirrior and saw healthy taned guy. I said to myself" Who the fck are you?! You are so ugly !" The next day I got into accident and next day after hospital, looked into mirror and didnt regoknized my face anymore. It was bruised swolen and stiched. I realised that my face was masterpiece before. After week of sleeping and using creme for scars I looked in mirror again and smiled. There was just two scars left and my skin was smooth and glowing. I fell in love in myself and was radiating. As better I thought of myself as better I was looking.

Now I realise back then hating and cursing myself was actully programmed self destructing. I didnt apreciate what I have and thats why lost it. Let insecure people infect me by listening to their critics until started think that way of myself.

Accident opened my eyes. By statistics after road accident like that I had 20% chance to survive. But it let me apreciate life and myself better.

" You never know who you are until you lose who you are."

The heart is more beautiful than the outside.

basilandthyme - I guess that's the next step I could possibly take - one of my close friends is going to make sure I do that.

pcmaster - Ha ha I just don't see myself to have one night stands etc, I rather meet a nice girl and take her for a date. An attractive thing about a girl is class, self-respect. But I will take your advice and adapt to my own preferences.

toknow - I completely agree. I have a big heart, but it is not loved and therefore useless :'(

"Useless" to the people who can't see it, but do you really want to be with a person like that. You should be glad that you don't end up with someone like that.

The problem with self proclaimed "nice guys" - especially the ones who talk about this as if it's supposed to make women turn a blind eye to their deficiencies for some odd reason - is that a great many of them are emasculated betas and seem to confuse their rapid-fire supplication to women as being nice. Be careful not to fall into this trap if you haven't already (it kind of sounds like you have tbh) because it's not exactly a mentality that yields a realistic chance of success in any path through life, including your romantic pursuits.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by soccerguy987

I feel as though I am slightly scared of rejection and my confidence would go down dramatically when I get rejected.

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Major problem here. Rejection is a fact of life and if you refuse to accept it you will go absolutely nowhere. What if you never submit a job application for fear of getting rejected? Enjoy being unemployed and impoverished for the rest of your life. What if you never even try to meet the entry requirements of whatever school/sport/club/whatever you're trying to get into because you can't handle being rejected? What do you suppose are your chances of success? There's a vodka named after the answer...

Approaching women works the same way. Deal with the possibility of rejection and give yourself a fighting chance or shy away from it and die alone and sexless. That's the choice every male in America (other than celebs that women throw themselves at) has had/currently has to make. Your situation is not special, the only difference between you and a guy who has a gf/is married/gets laid/etc. is that you choose over and over again to take the path of least resistance while the latter went for what he wanted.

If it makes you feel any better, I've been rejected more than once and not one of them hurt half as bad as everyone thinks it does. In fact, every time I've ever refused to approach for fear of rejection it ending up hurting a LOT worse than getting rejected ever could. There is literally nothing there to be afraid of, it's 100% in your imagination.

The only reason or excuse not to try is if you are addicted to failure.

Man if you want your heart to be loved then dont be afraid to show it(heart). Smile confident and truly from your heart. Do what your heart says and once you do things that in your heart its like living a dream. Its all about expressing and taking love. Takes caurage but reward is worth it.
Once thought is in your mind act with first heartbeat. Thats how you will prevent mind to stop you.

Here's an easy tip: everything you have done before, just do the opposite.

pcmaster - Thank you for your previous anecdote and comments and links to Sasha Daygame's video's, thank you so so much.

toknow - I just want to be with someone who appreciates me for who I am. I'm going to learn now to accept myself for who I am. I'm going to learn now that I am 100x times better than any other guy at a party. If a girl says "no" to me, well I feel bad for them...for losing out on such an amazing person who treats girls respectfully.

dickriculous - you my friend have opened my eyes. I just finished watching Sasha Daycare's videos and he made me fully aware of the whole rejection aspect and you have put it in good words also. I've been rejected quite a few times and every time it has happened, my confidence goes from 100 to -100 instantly. It takes me a little while to get back to 100 again but I know now that if I feel like I can do it and if I feel like I AM good looking and that I AM a great person and that I look good - then I can get any girl I want. I know that my dream girl is out there.. I just have to find her. Tell me if I'm right or wrong, but is this right way of thinking?

Before applying for university, I didn't get the required grades to fully get into the university. I was several points off from the expected limit....but I still got in. The chances of success was second to none, but I hoped and believed and I got in.



If you are wondering what videos I watched. I watched:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kNWAXmemYM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phxc3wMHMK4


Thank you everybody for the comments - I honestly do feel confident in what I do. It's because of the introduction to Sasha Daycare that I can do it. I know I can. If I fail, then so be it.

It sounds like you have been unlucky with people. There are a lot of ways to find people that have similar interest to you for example through university clubs or the internet. You were saying you are nerdy there are a lot of nerds out there, you live in England the land of DR who and Sherlock :P Keep meeting people - girls and boys, I say boys also not in sexual way if that is not your preferred gender but because people introduce people to other people. Half the time we don't know when people are attracted to us because they never tell us - You're very young and you sound like a great person - with a good sense of humour, you are bound to find someone if you keep going out and meeting people, good things take time :) Also going out trying new things (I'm not talking about illegal or dangerous things) - could help you discover yourself :) You're only 20, your 20s is a time to explore and find yourself

Thank you for the advice uknown 21. I think my brain has gotten to the terms to know I'm just not good enough for anyone, what do I do?