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Absurd interaction
Hello,
This is something a bit different.
For the most part, I know that the place where I work mostly everyone tolerates me, or likes me, or maybe they put up a mask and never show any sort of dislike.
However, there are a few people who genuinely hate me and the worst part is that most of them are females. Is it something I did, something I said, I do not know.
Usually it`s natural that when you walk past someone for the first time each day - you greet them, it`s common courtesy. It doesn`t matter if you interact afterwards, all that is needed is a bit of respect for both ends. It`s work after all.
But apparently there are some people who just walk past me not saying a single word. They just ignore me. When they need me however, they are oh so polite and come to me with sparkly eyes knowing that I`ll solve all their problems. After a little chat, seems we are getting on the right track.. but that`s the thing, it only seems that way. Fast forward to next day and.. these people brush me off.
What is it that I`m doing wrong?
I understand that not everyone will like you, but this just seems like pure hate.
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I don't know, man. Girls are bitches sometimes. Some of them. Its used to be like that for me too when I was working as a security guard in the shopping mall. I greeted info girls and basically everyone but those info girls stopped say Hi to me, still same as you were asking for favors later.
What can I say, it's a cold world out there. obviously, they don't like you for something. External or internal.
Try to not say Hi then. Have to change something in your behavior towards them for things to change. Or bring this up next time they ask for help. Maybe say Hi louder in case they didn't hear you. That also could be the case.
Some people just see you as zero cause you don't tick their boxes in regards to how they evaluate people. Sure it hurts and brings down your self-esteem but as sooner you stop interacting with those people as better for everyone.
As one guy said - you really get to know people(who they really are) once they don't anything from you.
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I suspect is some form of discrimination. what ethnicity are you? what ethnicity are the haters?
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There is no way of knowing unless we are there to witness the lack of interaction.
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"being there" will add no clue on reasons for hate. more information is required for unprofessional advice
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Thank you for your answers!
Ethnicity certainly plays no role here, fortunately, or unfortunately, because that way I`d have some idea.
I`m just a regular guy, I`m middle class, there`s nothing special or extraordinary about me. I always try to show my best side, although there are days when I`m just not that great to be around with. But it can`t be that! I always greet my co-workers, look them in the eye when I do, it`s normal. I help out, give advice when it`s needed, it`s what I do.
Yet, here we are, I just don`t understand.
A very regular occasion, I see a female colleague walk past me in the corridor, not blinking an eye - I don`t exist. I`m not hitting on them or anything, I don`t know what I`ve done to deserve this. Later that day they knock on my cabinet door, open it, sleezely ask for my help, if I can fix their problem, they explain what`s up and as soon as I says "Yes" - their usual reply is "Great" and then they walk out.
Come on.. It`s like kindergarden level of intelligence. I don`t even get any normal interaction.
I wont even get into detail about any social event that we get from time to time.
Am maybe just that unattractive? That was a rhetorical question.
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unattractive should not lead other employees to hate and ignore you. somebody is passing some strange gossip about you to earn this treatment.
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I'm confused. You say you know there are some people who genuinely hate you. That is a very strong statement. For you to know that as a fact, you would have to have some idea as to them having a reason to hate you.
It sounds to me like you are confusing work relationships with work friendships. When you say they are friendly when they need you, it is because you have a job that is part of problem solving. You are taking everything too personally. It is unrealistic to think that all our co-workers will want to be our friends.
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Sounds like your random everyday assholes behavior. I would suspect they treat many others similar to how they treat you. Just do your job, and be polite enough you don't need to like the ones you work with, tolerating them is good enough if you don't plan to make that job a lifetime for yourself. If people treat you poorly then can always consult your HR about it.
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I have worked for my company for 28 years, we have a large and varied staff. I can easily observe what is going on from the interaction of the staff members. And what goes on behind one's back when they leave the area, etc. That is what I meant by being there. There are conversations between them you don't get to hear but I would. I know people love to talk and gossip/complain.
OP if you are not being treated with respect from some of the employees, place a complaint with Human Resources or your boss. I don't really know what your labor laws are there or the system your company has in place for such things, but no one deserves to be treated like crap at their place of employment. It's call hostile work environment. Here in Canada there are laws that protect employees from physical, sexual, mental or any other kind of abuse. Coming here asking what we think, there is no way of us knowing...you have take action on your own on this...Best of luck, I hope you find some resolution.
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I know OP lives in country where no one gives a shit about not saying Hi. I mean he dont have laws or organisations where to complain and be heard. Only way would be a court. System about abuse at work works much better in such countries as america, there is really advanced these things. otherwise in my and OP country its same as in africa. Just monkey bussines and no real tools to work with.
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It`s not all monkeys, it`s elephants too.
I feel like topazlights comment hit closest to home, people tend to be assholes to others, no matter the environment.
Why I say "hate" is because it feels like it`s the truest expression. When someone walks past you, eyes fixed on one spot in front of them and you walk past them saying "Hello", they don`t even flinch, or look at you, instead they just dart past you. What else am I to believe?
I get it, not everything can be peach perfect. And I don`t believe in work friendships. It`s nice to have a friendly conversation about something work related or maybe completely off-topic, but to be friends with someone from work and hang out? - No.
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IMO no one can be so horrible, unless they are horrible or over bearing themselves. If you have no support system then confront them in a nice way tho. I dunno, maybe you find work somewhere else.
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I find that work relationships depends on place you work in. Its been pretty bad in factories but people do hang out and are like family in ambulance and firefighters work places. Also as higher paid work you do and as more reputable it is as better relationships and such. of course in recycling plant you wont create new family. Thats for sure. If you hate your job you will get introverted and start to hate your boss. So thats how it happens over years. But when people love what they do its opposite.
Anyway it could be worse lol. I remember as a teen I said hi to one of the classmate and instead of Hi he didnt even look at me but showed middle finger while passing by without saying anything.