So sudden I still don't know why.
I just came off the biggest relationship I have personally ever been in. Needless to say, this week hasn't exactly been the easiest ever, in fact I would describe it more accurately as the worst. Basically, we broke up over something that was so little, I didnt expect anything to come from it. She came by the next day to collect her stuff and it was a shock.
We got together on horrible terms actually. She was in a very abusive relationship with her then current BF. I personally watched him raise his fist to her and just completely destroy her emotionally. In fact, I almost beat the hell out of him one night when he got mad at her for going to Taco Bell while he was passed out drunk in my friends room. He ran down and threatened to beat her ass if she went and I nearly tore his head off. I dont like watching women be abused like that. Im not proud of what I did but I fell for her hard. She would come over with her ex, stay till he left, leave with him in a seperate car and return and hour later by herself to be around me.
We eventually got together after a bad break up with her and her ex and although my first thought was she was using me as a rebound, I liked her too much to care. Of course, she promised me she had always liked me and that just because she was coming off of a horrible relationship and immediatley coming to me, that she expected to be with me for a while.
The whole shock wasn't helped by the fact that we broke up on our 1 year anniversary; one where she was too busy to go out and do anything with me and instead chose that day of all days to do her defensive driving class online. So we sat there for about 4 hours with her just treating me like utter shit until I decided I wanted her to go home so she could get enough sleep for school tomorrow. I volunteered to finish the test for her (another 2 hours) and sacrificed something that I wanted to do that night just so she wouldnt have to worry about it (it was already 1:30 am).
If you want to know exactly how she was treating me like shit, I was telling her throughout the test that it was almost over and how much I loved her. At one point I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, only to have her push me away and tell me "she was busy". Anyways, back to the story.
Without so much as a thank you or a good night, she picked up her purse to leave. I decided to open my mouth and say something sarcastic. Basically, it came out as "thanks for making our 1 year anniversary so special".
So she breaks up with me after a small fight that I suppose I somewhat started, but I never intended it to lead to the end of us. Our relationship wasnt perfect, but we hardly ever fought and I know we were both deeply in love. She cant even tell her friends the reason we are over, nor me for that matter and thats why the break up has been so hard for me.
So no one knows why we are over. People around us looked at us like we were the perfect relationship. Everyone knew how deep my love for her was simply by the way I looked at her. In fact, she got into two arguments with girls after they said they wished they could take me off her hands...jokingly of course.
She loves me. I know she still does. People tell me she used me but she can not fake the love she showed for the year we were together. But 2 days after our breakup, she actually had the nerve to tell me she doesnt know if she actually did. I know she is just trying to make it easier to get over me but jesus, if that didn't destroy my heart just then.
Anyways, I have been trying to move on but I am still deeply in love. She has come over and I have made the mistake of asking her to come back and have even kissed her to try and make her realize she she still loves me. Of course, none of this has come to any avail. I still want to be with her, I still love her, but apparently I have to move on.
Its been a week, and things are still horrible for me. :(
P.S.
The night before we broke up, we had in fact looked at apartments in Austin, TX as we planned on moving there together after she returned from a trip to Europe over the summer. She wrote me a txt later that night and told me "I know I'm going to Europe for 3 months but you are the most amazing person I have ever been with. You treat me like I am the most amazing person in the world and it makes me feel so happy to know we will just start where we left off when I get back."
P.S.S.
She also still calls me almost everyday telling me about her day and what not. Last night she ended the call with a very sad "i miss you". I dont understand why she wont be with me. What did I do?
