Help a lonely 28 year old virgin?
As the title says, I'm a 28 year old male and still a virgin. In fact, I've never even kissed. If anyone could be so kind as to read this and offer help, I'll be very grateful. I really need it. Let me tell you a little about myself.
My whole life is good except the lack of companionship. I have friends, and I am very liked by people once they know me. I'm not socially awkward on a friend level at all. I am extremely considerate, honest and giving. I am good at the things I do. I'm a self-taught computer programmer who got hired with well below the minimum qualifications for the job. I've been at it for 3 years now and my bosses and coworkers all love working with me. I am college educated, and extremely smart. I went to a good school, UCLA, and got a degree in Geology. I am good looking, though admittedly on the skinny side. People have often made remarks about how surprising it is I never have a girlfriend, and I don't think they are just being polite.
Basically, I'm the total package except I'm mortified about approaching girls. I'm 28 and I've never even asked someone out on a date. I'm now at the point where it just feels like it's getting harder and harder because my insecurity about it all is growing. I feel like I'm still a teenager who needs to explore and learn dating, but I'm 28 and pretty much everyone near my age is much more experienced.
Here are the things I feel have and still hold me back.
I'm not especially shy, but I don't like small talk. I am always there for people when they need me, and I'm generally good natured and nice. I simply don't care how people's days have been, and I'm not good at pretending. Don't get me wrong, I'm not overtly rude about it, but I do feel I'm a bit stiff and often just say "hello" rather than "how are you?" I legitimately DO care when interesting or eventful things happen in someone else's day, but I can't stomach the mundane day to day stuff.
I don't drink alcohol at all. I've never been drunk, and I really am not curious nor do I have a desire to do so. I'm pretty sure this holds me back because I don't hang out in bars or night clubs. I really don't meet new people outside of my circle often at all. Even when I do, it's not like I flirt and make moves ever. Liquid courage could probably help me, but I really don't want to go that route. There has to be a way without it.
I think I leave a bad first impression on people. I don't know why, but perhaps they detect that I'm not sincere if I even do ask about their day. I also have a bit of a cockiness to me, but not in a jerk way. I've had many occurrences in life where I'm told years later that friends of friends didn't like me at all when they met me. All of them ended up liking me a lot, but it took time.
I've read advice on meeting people like "join a club for something you're interested in." I do think this is good advice, but all of my main interests are vastly male interests. I'm talking about poker, sports, and programming. I guess if there's some sort of clubs that are good for meeting girls, I am open to it. I would feel sleazy joining an activity just to meet girls, but I think that is part of my problem. Maybe I shouldn't feel that way, but I don't know how to change that attitude which in turn affects my demeanor.
I simply don't want to be alone. I know I'm actually catch. I'm extremely brave and take risks in every aspect of my life except with girls. I know the risk/reward makes approaching girls extremely worth it, but I feel helplessly clueless on how to go about it. I can occasionally carry on great conversations with girls I've just met, but I feel weird even attempting to flirt. So I don't. Ever.
I think this is only going to keep getting worse, and I really just don't know how to get better. It's even gotten to the point where I fantasize about going to a place like the Philippines to find a wife since they're rumored to have a shortage of men there. It sounds pathetic, and it is pathetic. I know, though, that once I finally find someone and break down my barriers, I'll be a great boyfriend, husband, whatever.
Sorry that this was long, but I just wanted to explain. I don't think I'm in a normal position. It just shouldn't be this way. I know it's my fault, but I don't know how to fix it. I virtually never even meet new girls, and if I did I wouldn't know what to do with them.
Does anyone have any tips on how I can get better?