Please help! Is it impossible to ever get a relationship with my views and character?
Hello everyone,
I am new here, and would immensely appreciate your advice, if you could please read my concerns.
The problem, wherewith I would like to acquaint you, is that females always despise and avoid me like fire (and find me "creepy", as some may say), thus I had never had any success and was never in a relationship, albeit I am 25 years of age.
1) You shall first be inclined to assume that this is so in virtue of my appearance or conduct, but this is not the case (at least as regards the former). I have been told, from some very objective and neutral friends and other people, who would never flatter me, that physically I look quite attractive. I was told I look very similar to young Ray Davies from the Kinks. I have a similar hairstyle as in this picture, too. I am not obese, I have very proper, almost military, posture, and extremely neat, cleanly shaved and generally clean all the time. My attire is always semi-formal, if not formal: costumes, ties, always ironed shirts and trousers, bow ties, neck scarfs, etc. Moreover, my style is slightly vintage: articles of clothing from the or imitating the 1960's is my main preference. Occasionally I wear something a bit more Victorian with detachable collars, proper neck wear, long jackets, etc. I am the very opposite of the individuals the everyday attires whereof are sweatpants, pajamas, t-shirt, ripped jeans and uncurbed facial hair. Additionally, my speech is very articulate and literate. I speak with a proper British RP accent.
2) My conduct and demeanor is of highly polite, appropriate and tactful nature. On no occasion I utter or imply anything offensive, rude or improper. I always listen to people well, never interrupt, speak in a good tone, and when I occur to disagree with something, I put my objections in most polite terms. I always help people, am not selfish, most honest and try to understand them.
3) I am very well educated, have deep knowledge concerning matters of philosophy (specifically metaphysics and political philosophy), art and art history, classical music, literature (mostly Victorian and the 18th century), and of course politics. I myself play piano, have good music skills, and also paint and draw very well.
Notwithstanding all this, the representatives of the fair sex evade me, and never find me interesting, especially after conversing.
My key suspicion as regards the cause thereof lies in my political views. I must say that I am conservative (not religious, although!) I am conservative in the sense of early 19th century liberalism (free market, elitism, anti-socialism, pro-civilisationism, positivism, enlightenment, freedom of speech, I am for progress and believe it is the duty of the progressive countries like many in West to spread civilisation and liberate people in other regions of the world, I believe the majority of the people are immature and need to be enlightened by the educated minority, etc.). These are my views, and I openly express them, am not ashamed of them. One may agree or disagree with them, but the problem is that they seem to affect my potential relationships a lot. If any female I meet, even if she appears to like me or at least be neutral at first, whenever she finds our of my political views, she begins to literally hate and despise me. This has been almost 100% with my various experiences.
Is it true therefore, that in order to have a relationship one must be a liberal "hipster", a socialist, a pro-union, Marxist, pro "Noble Savage" person, or least conceal their views? This is not what I desire, forasmuch as I desire to be open and not to pretend to adhere to something I do not agree with. The paradox is such: in my country (Canada) the Conservative government is in power, hence many people voted for them. However: a) it was mainly older people b) it was mainly men c) it was mainly people other than in downtown Toronto and university campi (the places where I live and socialise). I have many male friends, who are either a) share my views b) disagree with me and hold opposite views, but it still does not hinder us to be friends: we understand our disagreements, but we are good friends.
Thus the two problems with young females of my age: 1) they are all politically homogenous, left wing liberals, 2) They are "fanatical" thereabout, to wit, unlike my male friends, they believe two persons with different views cannot be friends or in a relationship, meaning they will hate you personally for having voted Tory.
My second concern, you shall allow me to proceed for a little more, is that even when I tried to conceal m political views, females still do not find me interesting. Making observations, I have found a most peculiar and disappointing trend: I have seen that most of intelligent looking females tend to like and be in relationships with some rude, uneducated and impudent and misbehaving males, who swear every fifth word, have nothing to talk but about food and gym, often argue and are rude to their girlfriends and wear stretched t shirts. So, 90% of the time females simply avoid me, but there were three cases when I managed to invite a girl to visit an art museum. The first one, went with me twice (the second time to a different museum), the second once, and the third three time. Each of them, although being more or less interested in me, often smiling and talking enthusiastically (remember, I never revealed my political views to them!) , during the last meeting suddenly became cold and indifferent to me, making some polite excuse not to go anywhere else with me (like "maybe, I'll have to see my schedule), and then avoided communication with me. Upon my polite request to please explain what happened, if there was anything improper or wrong I said or behaved, so that I could at least apologise, they all said "oh, nothing happened, it was all just fine". I promised that I would very much appreciate that little piece of information for my own use at least, but they just avoided responding. I clearly remember that none of the time my conduct or conversations ever changed, I was 100% consistent throughout.
1) Why do you think they so suddenly changed their minds?
2) Why would they not simply explain why? I am sure they perfectly know how polite and understanding I am, and that I will not revenge or become infuriated and offend them in any way if they tell me why. Why would they be so afraid?
My personal suspicion is that perhaps, given the feminist sentiment in the air, they all are afraid and think that I am (or presumably all men are?) some sort of a sex maniac, who wants to attack, oppress and exploit them. (This is what I have heard the interpretation of the word "creepy" is, whereby I have overheard myself being denominated: a person who is dangerous and wishes to suddenly rape someone). Hence, whenever conversing with a female, to evade such a suspicion on her part, I never ever say and said anything which might be misinterpreted as having any sexual aspect to it, or that would treat us as being of different sex, that would imply that she is a female, or that there could ever be anything possible between us. I am 100% never of this kind ever came up, but still they avoid me or (as in the three heretoforementioned cases) leave me after a couple of first meeting to museums, assumably thinking I intended to attack them. The topics I chose for discussions were very neutral, such art, music, philosophy, I spoke a lot about Bauhaus, for instance, or about metaphysics, I was explaining Kant's CRP, so there could be no suspicion at all that I might be saying anything which could be misinterpreted as being sexually related, or that would ever show that I treated them as being of different sex (i. e. females). Yet, why would they still find me "creepy"?
I will be most grateful to you for your responses, given especially such a voluminous piece of text I am asking you to read!
Additionally: Despite anything, 90% of the females I encounter already have someone (boyfriends). Would you say that perhaps it is already too late for me at my age to ever find someone, and I should simply surrender and focus on other things as my career and hobbies? Have I somehow missed the time at an earlier age when everybody was acquiring relationships, and there is simply nothing left for me?
