Once A Cheater Always A Cheater? -- Need Advice
I met this guy online 7 months ago, he lives on the other side of the planet from where I am. We`ve been chatting, talking to each other every single day. Things were perfect between us and we fell deeply in love with each other during the third month. We chatted and talked so much on the phone even more than normal couples do. We know each other so well that we can almost read each other’s thought. He was jobless for almost 9 months and recently he got a new job, the first thing he bought after he got his first pay was the air tickets to my place. It costs a lot for him knowing his financial situation was bad after 9 months being jobless. I was so touched and also excited about finally being able to meet up after 7 months of intense online relationship and more than a thousand hour of chatting every single day. He will be taking a 30 hours flights in total with return just to meet me for 3 days because he has to work and can`t stay any longer. What he did was a big thing to me cause I believe he wouldn`t do that if he didn`t love me enough. We even discussed that if we can get along well (which we believe we definitely will) he doesn`t mind moving to my place to start a new life with me. I know we have gone a bit too far knowing the fact that we have not met each other but sometimes things just happened and I`m not able to explain that. I`m 33 and he is 36 we are mature enough to know what we are doing
Recently I found out on Facebook that he took some intimate pictures with another girl. I confronted him, he apologized and admitted that he was having an affair with that girl but he also said that he loves me and I`m the only person he wants and the usual “I don`t know why I did it” kind of stuffs. He even cried on the phone and told me how sorry he is for doing such horrible thing. He said that the girl isn`t his girlfriend but an acquaintance that he sees from time to time to fill the gap, he doesn`t love her. He did this purely just for personal closeness as in things he can`t do with me such as spending time together, body contact, sex etc. All this while he has been very clear about what he wants, he said he wants to be with me and me only. I found out about them because the girl created a shared Facebook account and upload their kissing photos and the worst thing is he allowed her to do so. He also told me that he ended with this girl even before I found out. He showed me a message he sent to her telling her that he needs a couple of months apart and wants some time on his own. The message he sent dated one week before he was caught. He said that he couldn`t stand the guilt and he wanted to end it with her so that he can start an official relationship with me next month when we meet. I even got him sending a message to that girl telling her that he is in a relationship with someone and he has been throughout the whole course of their 2 months affair. I asked her to get the girl to delete their shared Facebook account as well. He did it and showed me the screen shot so I believe he didn`t lie about ending it with that girl.
However, I still consider it as cheating even though we have never met. He promised me that he will never cheat on me again and he will cut all connection with this girl. I tried to get him to talk about it he was ok at first, being opened and told me everything I wanted to know about the affair and he told me how sorry he was and how much he loves me every time we talked. But lately he has changed, he seems to lose his patience on me and he said that he doesn`t want to be interrogated all the time. He didn`t call and text that much anymore at the usual time he normally did. This happened after I ignored him for 4 days. When I started to talk to him again, I noticed he has changed, but he still said that he loves me and wants to be with me. He still called me when I asked him to but he always cut the conversation short whenever I start questioning him about the girl and the affair. How could he expect me not to question? I`ve been struggling and he was the one causing all this pain for me. He should be the one doing the majority of the work to repair things. He doesn`t want to be questioned could it be he`s still lying or hiding things from me? I don`t know if I should still meet up with him next month. I don`t know after this incident whether I can still rebuild the trust for him. On the other hand I feel bad if I tell him not to come cause I don`t want to meet him anymore knowing that he has paid for his air tickets. Should I forgive him and meet up with him as planned? Or should I believe once a cheater always a cheater and stop contacting him for good?
Shainesy