He cheated I stayed and now I feel I don't love him

My husband cheated on me with his ex two years ago and I forgave him it was very hard but I tried to move on. Four out of the 5 years we've been together I've caught him on and off talking to women. It's been a year since anything and now I feel I completely undervalued myself and intimacy from my side is gone most of the time I have to try to want it. He never pushes me to do anything but complains I never try. He has been so kind this past year and attentive but now I feel I've lost what was there before. I'm trying but all I see is me picturing myself without him I love him always but I don't think as a couple anymore. I've even contemplated cheating. I feel so guilty because the way he looks at me and treats me now but I just keep telling myself he shouldn't have messed up and it's okay to not be okay now that he's got it together and it's okay to leave even if it hurts him, because it's hurting me.

What about before you married. No signs of infidelity before you married?

Five years together and only the last year he's been a good boy? So, in the first year of marriage, you found out he was "talking" to women?

Before we married we were fine for the most part until I went on vacation and he met a girl he started liking and told me when I came back. We broke up even though they weren't dating and got back together months after. 2 years later we married and then he cheated with the same girl but not completely physically just kissing and going on dates, butt still. Yes the other girls I caught him talking to were on social media or texting and they never met up just flirted on the phone and got pictures from them not nudes, again, but still bad. Yes this last year has been really good but I just don't feel it anymore I have to really try to want to be with him and we have fun together sometimes because we're goofy but the love I'm not sure is there from me.

See, I baited you a bit and caught what I think the problem is: He has sort of always been unfaithful, right?

As tame as you describe everything, it would be an easy decision for me. I just wouldn't tolerate anything like that and I always wonder why anyone would.

So you tell me, what is the reason that you may not love him any longer? Is it that your feelings have somehow died or is that his unfaithfulness has just pushed you to this point?

I certainly hate infidelity and I am sorry for anyone that suffers from it but in this case, I think that you knew what you were getting into. Maybe some counseling will work...who knows.

I understand you and unfortunately I didn't value myself enough until now to realize once was far too much and I dug myself into this huge hole. I just regret that it took so long for this because now we're married with a kid and I doubt counseling will help I guess I'm just avoiding the unavoidable which is I have to let go. I'm just so confused and it's so hard I don't know how to go about leaving him because after all he's done I still care about his emotions, stupid right haha. I feel both, my feelings have died because of his infidelity and me trying over and over to forgive and restart the relationship. Thank you, you're right I knew and it's too late to go back but I shouldn't be with someone I can't trust.