Have I blown it?

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 3 years now, and we were close friends for a year before that. Now we're spending some time apart and I want to know what everyone's thoughts are, I want to turn it around - can I?

Year one: as friends was incredible, we bonded immediately and quickly found ourselves together all the time.
Year two: almost as soon as we started dating it got a bit trickier. I started in a job with long hours, while she entered an intense year of uni. Our evenings and weekends were generally spent in a state of exhaustion, but we made it work and along the way we were able to go on some great trips together. I'd say our day to day life was okay, but we had some great 'highs' that sustained us.
Year three: Super tough year. I had to move two hours away for work, while she entered her final year of an advanced post-grad course. It was really hard to get through the year, we couldn't spend much time together and she had a breakdown towards the end of her studies. But we somehow survived and enjoyed an amazing summer at the end of it.
Year four: Coming out of that tough year, she makes the decision to move in with me. Gets a job locally and we set up home together. There were ups and downs throughout the year, holidays and weekends away were always great. But then this whole year I've been in a really tough place professionally and it has had a huge impact on my outlook and attituded during the everyday routine. I stopped channeling my energy in to our relationship but instead just kept hoping my professional life would level out. After some repeated lows and her pleading for me to make it right some things improved, but I generally failed to make enough of a change. I've moved out of our shared flat and we're taking a break right now.

I know she feels a mixture of anger and disappointment towards me at the moment. But I know I would change everything else in my life to make this right again, I would reconsider all my professional commitments for her. But I know how she is as a person and she tends not to go back on these things. With me away I know she will start to put up walls to me and I may lose any way back in. I want to respect her space, but the longer it goes on I know the slimmer the chance of putting it right. Particularly as she will make plans to move out of the flat and move on. I want to show her how I feel about her, whether it's with a big romantic gesture or something simple. Equally it's a thin line between pleading and coming across as insecure, and actually reigniting something great.

You may want to simply become her friend. A question you may want to ask yourself is What are your intentions with her? The philosopher Thomas Aquinas once said “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” Perhaps being her friend can mean that you gain her trust and she you. Perhaps being her friend means that you can call upon her in difficult times. Doing that is how we can connect with others! Someone once said I may not always be there with you, but I will always be there for you.

Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d@yahoo.com, he has the spiritual charm to make everything right back for you. Trust me

Welcome to the real world! Relationships always start out exciting and passionate and fun because they are new. We show our very best selves. Then time passes and reality sets in. There are jobs and school, etc. Of course a relationship is going to have ups and downs, always. That is life.

I think you must accept your relationship will probably never be like it was in the first year, but that's good. It's so much more than that. Why did you give up and leave in the first place? As your partner, that would be my biggest fear. When things get tough, will you just bail? If you truly want her, make it clear to her immediately. Open up your heart and let her know your true intentions. Tell her about your fears and what made you leave and tell her you are now ready for the whole package, if that is what you want. She may need time, but if she wants the same and feels she can count on you, then it will happen.

Remember, there will always be ups and downs. Sometimes more downs than ups, but that is what a good, loving relationship is all about.