Is it Possible To Reconcile and Work On What We Had?
Hi Everyone, I'm new here and am looking for some female advice because right now I am dealing with a difficult breakup with someone I had a very deep connection with and looking for thoughts and advice.
About 4 months ago after not dating for a year I met a girl online, I will add I am in Tel aviv an expat and love Israeli women but they require a very macho pushy man that knows how to be super alpha. I am alpha but not over the top.
The moment I read this girls profile I was intellectually intrigued she is smart, we both work as digital nomads in online marketing, we both love dogs, she wrote honestly, she was funny open and just my type of personality. I will add this statement last because its really not the most important she is beautiful. On the dating application we were a 99.9 percent match and we both answered about 300 plus questions and every single one we matched perfectly.
I wrote to her a couple times and she didnt respond, finally I just wrote whats with the girls on this site they have nothing that interests me but you seem amazing and I would like to chat.
We spoke online on the app for about an hour, then moved over to facebook and spoke for another 6 hours, I finally asked when do we go from chat to meeting in person and she said we can meet with the dogs in the park tomorrow.
The next day we chatted all day long we met and the moment I saw her time stood still, I felt it was right she was shy and a bit o aloof because she hates first dates and she was uncomfortable. After we played with the dogs in the park for a few hours, I just couldnt get enough so I said why dont we sit and have a late night coffee at this point it was already 12:30am. She said yeah lets. We sat and had coffee and then went to the park across the street and spoke and laughed till 5am we never ran out of things to talk about, the chemistry was electric and it had nothing to do with physical attraction that was a bonus!
From that day on we chatted all day long from morning till night till our first official date, a few days later I planned a nice quiet romantic dinner and we enjoyed a nice meal and conversation. Then after the usual with most women they wanted to go for a drink or go home I said lets go for a walk. We went to a park nearby with a river and sat by the river and talked till 7am. No kissing I wanted to take things slow and so did she.
From that day on we never stopped talking all day and night long, she was everything I could have wished for and she said she never met someone like me and this was like in the movies.
The relationship was great she wasnt too expressive but told me she was super happy and liked me alot and that her life has changed from the way it used to be and she feels motivated and happy, and I was happy to hear it.
I will add that at this point we started sharing our history and she told me she was married but left her husband after a couple months because of personal reasons. She was single for a awhile had a couple two to three month relationships that ended badly and then was alone for a year until we met.
Things we amazing the connection was so deep, and I was on cloud nine we spent the weekends together but she was having difficulty with her job and rarely saw me during the week. Its at this point things started to have problems. She lives about 10 minutes away so often I would say I miss you and lets just meet with the dogs in the park before the weekend, she rarely said yes and I know she wasnt seeing someone else but she got to the point were she felt I was being pushy for asking to see her after I havent seen her for a couple days. I never went beyond you want to meet and she said no and would try to change her mind I accepted it and kept on chatting.
Then one day I shared something personal, a few years ago I invested in a restaurant and the partner stole the equity and left me alone and in debt. I did share with her that I had issues with her partners but didnt go into detail because really after a month its not reallly something to share or her business. Its legitamit for her to know what shes getting into even though I have atttorneys working on the process and its will be cleared up soon.
One night after we took a weekend trip she asked me about the issue and because she really wanted honesty I shared the full details, I did say this isnt the time to share these things we dont even call each other boyfriend girlfriend yet but here it is and the truth is has nothing to do with us or your business. She got very upset and said that I hid this from her about 15 times, I tried to draw the line that didnt work I then got upset and cynical and said yes I hid this till we get married so this would also be your problem. She immedietly hung up the phone on me said I treated her like shit and lectured her, the only thing I kept on mentioning was that I was upset and I apologize but to also take personal responsibility for her actions, she apologized but not sincerely and still blamed me for the way I behaved, I never yelled raised my voice a little never curse or berated her or insulted her in any way!
She then blocked me from whatsapp, facebook, all social media and we broke up I was devasted that such an amazing connection can be thrown out so easily! I saw it and felt it from the first moment and I think she did too she did express that she saw a bright future and marrying me and I felt the same never ever did I have such a connection such a deep connection with someone who mentally and physically!
After the breakup I sent a few messages about 5 saying it was wrong of her to bring this up now but I take responsibility for my behaviour and Im sorry, it took her about a week to calm down she then unblocked me from whatsapp wants to give this a a try.
We then continued to chat and same with the weekends but never in the week her job was too stressful and she needed to decompress and this for me was really strange but I accepted her for who she is. I would tell her I miss you she would too but sometimes her day was so bad she felt she couldnt match and felt again I was being pushy and not letting her take iniative. She then suggested that maybe therapy for me would help and I though hey I got no problem on working on myself especially because I can only improve and this relationship is that important to me why not so I did.
I took responsibility for my actions and took a few steps back not asking to see her during the week and was less expressive and let her meet me halfway and she said she felt she felt safe now and could invest this was after three months.
My therapist said you have two options to draw the line with her and see if she comes back after her behaviour or tell her to leave for good but this type of connection I felt was once in a thousand lifetimes and couldnt let so much potential go to waste!
Fast forward after three intense months and her constantly finding new things to ambush me on while I was working on us on me through therapy and my business she got to a breaking point after asking how I slept and the night before I had a client that was cancelling his contract a big part of my income and it pressured me because I wanted to build a life with her and move and how can it happend with this much loss in income.
When she asked I said I didnt sleep so well was anxiety and had to do with business and nothing to do with us, she felt I wasnt being totally honest and keep pressing and I said it has nothing to do with us after 45 minutes she said I made her feel like shit and ruined her day because I didnt say yeah Im losing a client and Im worried. She then cancelled the dinner plans I had for the next day in which i bought all the groceries and starting cooking and I was super hurt and sent about 5 message nothing cursing nothing insulting just saying to cancel for such a stupid argument is disrespectful and as my therapist said its a cumulative affect and not tolerated.
On that saturday which we were always together at home watching movies with playing with the dogs, being together and intimacy all day I felt broken and devasted I missed her to the point it was driving me crazy she made me crazy with the break up back together and blocking. I sent messages saying I was sorry and I want to work on things and she didnt answer.
The next day was a high holiday as mentioned she canceld the plans because of the "dissonance" in communication. I felt horrible that she was alone on the holiday with no family here so my good female friend said take some food from dinnner here and bring it to her. I though twice but listened to her advice.
I will preface I never ever felt insecure of her being with somebody else even though I never saw her in the middle of the week we were always together from thursday to sunday having a great time together living together for the weekends.
After dinner I wrapped up the food and went to her house, she lives on the ground floor and I saw the lights were off and the tv was on but it was quiet. So I assumed she was asleep. When I got to the door I paused thinking it was a bad idea to come by, the day before she told me not to contact her and blocked me as usual but I did call that day and she answered and I said I dont want to argue but have a great holiday and I hope we can work things out she was still enflamed from the stupid argument.
So that was the final straw, now I found myself at her door thinking twice about what I was doing. I paused heard her light a cigerette and then ask someone if you want and then a mans voice. My heart starting pumping and I got upset and then went into non thinking mode and said now I see why she broke up with me and why she wouldnt see me in the middle of the week she has someone else even though rationally I knew she didnt but I called and said hey what up I came by to bring you food I felt bad your were home alone and heard a mans voice wtf?
She then hung up on me said she was alone and playing on the computer and talking with her brother come back and go inside and look around.
I then came back, didnt look around just said Im sorry really I just heard a mans voice and just got upset it was a mistake and to calm down she was furious and rightfully so. She then said leave now or Ill call the police after she invited me in. I was upset but cool didnt yell or insult she was off the handle upset and I get that so I left quietly.
Look I get that she has anger issues but I love her and the connection was something I appreciate and I was trully devasted even after only three months I know Ill never find a connection like that in a 100 lifetimes nor will she.
After that night I went silent a week later I wrote a nice letter saying I miss you and your dog and having you here and I fun nostalgic things and I hope we can reconcile we have alot to offer each other with flowers.
She got them but never responded....the next day after being on pins and needles in anxiety, hurt and missing her with no response I sent a message. Hey did you get the flowers? no response? I then sent a message that at least you can respond and say I got them but heres the thing....either we cant be together we dont match or something just absolute ignoring me. Maybe she was still upset about the night I came by she carries anger for a long time.
I then sent another message was kinda annoyed, listen its kinda disrespectful that I sent a peace offering apologized and you cant even respond after how well I treated you and how you told me nobody every treated you that well to just say nothing its kind rude.
She then called and said listen stop calling me stop texting me I got the flowers I threw them away and I asked her to calm down and lets talk she said I didnt call to talk I called to tell you to stop sending messages. She then accused me of checking her online social profiles which I was blocked on and I said thats ridicuolous whats to see im not a stalker and its just as wrong to think im stalking as me to think you were with someone. She continued to yell at me and I said I cannot live with myself to break up this way or that this is what you think of us and me.
I was broken, I broke down, I spoke to a friend I am very sensitive and this shook me to my core!
I calmed down and after two hours the police showed up at my door.
I didnt sent one message after that nothing but she went a filed a complaint of harrasment via text and they arrested me and I had to leave my dog alone without food or water.finally after two days in jail sleeping on the floor no food or water this is how it is here I was released by my attorney on saturday night.
Not only did I get my heart broken but this was over the top she could have just ignored my messages, I never threatened her, never insulted her just expressed how sorry I was and how hurt I was and really this was wrong and for that I went to jail.
I have gone on several dates, I miss her very much and very angry, I understand that there is no reason for me to want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me. I get that, I get that she has issues and I have mine, I get she created a atsmophere of instability in the relationship and that made me insecure about us.
I get all the logic but deep down inside I dont feel the story of us is over, the connect was too good, too deep soo special! I am mad but I forgive her but wont forget what she did to me or to my dog but I cant stand that this is where we are at now. Im willing to talk not get back together but to talk because a connection like this is a gift and I think she knows that because she said she will never find someone like me again.
Every date I had I walked away even more hurt that this connection is gone, I miss her, Im going through therapy and have to be on medication to reduce anxiety its such a waste of such a good thing in my opinion and I know deep inside below the anger she might know that too.
The question is now its been a month we havent spoke im blocked and I cannot contact her by law, Im trying to move on and she is also looking for something new but hasnt found anything.
Is it possible to fix this? the connection was soo strong mentally and phsically up until the last moment? or am I going to have to carry this regret all my life and lower my standards with other women and settle for things even though I knew and she knew we were two broken pieces that fit together and were destined to be with one another. I love her unconditionally despite it all I wondering if she will ever come around any thoughts?
Thanks so much everyone in advance for you advice!
