-
Wife Cheated
So sorry for lots of info but lots has went on so I will try to get to the point
With wife 14 years. Two kids. 90% of time relationship was great. 5 years ago she leaves work we start business. She hated business so I did all the work on top of full time job. Business goes wrong we go bankrupt.
She goes back to education and very quickly changes. Attitude to life, to herself, to us, her appearance. She changed phone password and kept it in her pocket. She turns phone away one day when I happened to look over her shoulder when messaging. So at the point the alarm bells ring.
So over a few months I watch her habits then finally ask direct what's up. What you hiding. She swears nothing. I'm paranoid etc. So I leave it but nothing changes so months later I ask again and get same answer but again I don't believe her.
So I buy a covert 'recorder. One day she randomly asks me let's book a hotel. So we do and we go away together. Next day on a Sunday morning she says can i go to the library to study. She never does that. So I put the 'rcorder in her car.
Next day I take it out and listen. Find she meets someone she knows and they kiss in her car. I hear it ALL. this person was a woman.
I confront her and she says she's been attracted to women for a few years and this person and her were mutually attracted so it led from here. They messaged each other for weeks and were graphic.
I was clearly devastated. Not only at the lies but has no idea about her bisexuality.
So over few weeks we talk. I demand honesty and full transparency. All questions answered as well as full access to her accounts. She agrees eventually.
So I find out she told two friends she was bi at least 18 months before. One who is gay (I knew this friend was gay) and one who was bi herself (She was married and just told her her husband and found a girlfriend. I didn't know she was bi)
I also found out two weeks after the kiss she called the other woman even after she promised not to. She lied about this.
After agreeing to give her a chance things improved. Until one day she tells me these feelings for women are too much and we need to separate. We don't but go to counselling. This didn't work as she didn't really put herself in my shoes to see how I felt or try to understand me.
So moving on again things improved and we have a great time. Then I check her phone and see she had deleted one conversation. Between her and her gay friend. No others. I ask why that one she says she doesn't know. I'm not super sensitive and really don't believe her. She says probably because it was something I didn't want you to read.
Next thing I find out she's watching a t.v. show in secret about a married woman having a lesbian affair which is pretty graphic. She says she watched it because of the story not the lesbian part. Then says it was all physiological.
This makes me scared and sad and uncomfortable. I am still adapting to a woman im my eyes who was straight and only wanted me. 8 months on its still hard. But she can't see that. She said to me the other night. It was one kiss one time and I got caught. She thinks it's about time I got over it.
She also thinks I am unreasonable asking for all her passwords (They are written down but I dont check them daily. First time was when the gay friend conversation deleted. First time in about three nonths)
She thinks she is entitled to do what she wants without question but i don't trust her yet and tell her she needs to help me build that trust. I get ee are entitled to our privacy but when you do what she did that goes out the window for a time.
She got a job offer. One she really really wanted and worked hard to get (as did I in terms or support at Home etc) she told a friend the day before me. Lied about when she was told and deleted the messages between them and has since admitted she shouldn't have done that. That hurt. This job was important to us all. Her excuse was that that night we were having a make or break discussions and she didn't want me to think that was influencing her. That's fine but she didn't have to tell her friend. She could have told me the next day first THEN the friend. She doesn't think this is a big issue.
As a couple we have always had a rule we don't private message members of the opposite sex and we don't send a x on a message to members of the opposite sex (may sound silly but it's what we did) I saw the other week she sent private messages to two guys at work with a x. I point out our 'rule' and we eventually says you are right I shouldn't have done that. They messaged were not important or bad. But I felt hurt she disregarded our 'thing' after all these years so easy.
She just lies and lies to me all the time. She says I want her to be perfect but I don't. I want a loyal wife who is trustworthy i am even willing to accept her being bisexual ( as it happens she said if it was me who was bi she would leave me)
I am genuinely at the point of leaving. I don't want to because I love her and the kids but her actions are selfish and keep going the same way. She thinks of herself only. Her job and friends I feel are more important to her than me.
Sorry for the long story but it's important
-
Stop being a selfish ass
She can’t put herself in your shoes?
You don’t even try to put her shoes on
Instead of having 3 sums and accepting your woman for the woman she is you oppress her feelings externally and hope that everything will turn out right
Good luck with that
-
Hooo is not monogamous, its easy for him to say that.
OP I think you both should go to relationship counselor to fix these problems. If you cant afford couples therapist then or want to do more then look for articles online about getting over cheating building trust and so on. I think she lost trust in you after bankruptcy so after that she acted in a ways that made you lose trust in her. She have to trust you first before you can trust her.
-
-
Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d()gmail.com, he has the spiritual charm to make everything right back for you. Trust me
-
You are married but you say things like its okay to enjoy two partners while in marriage. That one shouldnt be jealous.
-
If his wife is lesbian or bi there is very very little he can do about it
And prohibiting it is not an option since this will very most likely result into even more frustration and unlocalized on her side
He has given no signs that he even remotely understands his wife’s needs and feelings
In my humble opinion a possible way forward is to give her what she needs
And if he gets a little fun out of it I don’t see the problem with that
This i again your (pcmaster) sticky point.
I try to explain this a little more lengthy
Try to imagine you are that woman. You have a husband but over the years you find out you like women. And a particular hot women is seducing you and making you feel attractive again.
She understands what you want and what you need on different levels. Especially concerning selfworth sexual desires and probably social needs as well. You can talk about how difficult this is for you in a marriage and with the not understanding husband which you still like but who really doesn’t know who you are anymore.
Then he forbids contact which ofc you can understand
But you need the other person in your life
And all he does is rant on about how bad this is for him
-
Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d()yahoo.com, he has the spiritual charm to make everything right back for you. Trust me
