My love has devolved into an obsession...HELP...

Tricky to put this all into words but here I go...

At sixteen years old I was lovestruck for the first (and probably the last) time. But I was also loveshy/frigid/squeamish about sex and far too backwards to fess up to my feelings. We were in the same friendship circle, we went to the same parties, took beach trips together with our other friends...I dreamt about spending the rest of my life with this person but I was so frustratingly hesitant to take any action. I guess I was afraid of messing up/spoiling the friendship..

He had one gf during school (a former friend of mine) who I completely cut out of my life (and still to this day haven't spoken to). This is where I think it started: the roots of my jealousy and obsessive streak...to sabotage their relationship I told him about the random men she'd flirt with for fun on KIK (some app) , and also about other boys she liked (thinking it might put him off). I have no clue whether this actually contributed to their splitting up... I'd like to think he snapped to his senses and realized her true nature on his own. Anyway, their relationship only lasted a measly one and a half months...until now, she'd been the only gf he'd had.

We're doing different things with our lives now but we've both moved to the same city and still regularly meet up. We're always texting and I jump at the chance to meet up with him whenever I can (sometimes I sacrifice very important commitments just to do so)... I also regularly check his social media (yes, how bleakly predictable...)

But now he's been stolen from me, really, stolen. I was convinced he was this close to asking me out finally until this...thing...came on the scene. I was honestly shocked that a girl with buzzcut hair would be his type (no offence to girls with buzzcuts)...and the kicker is that she wears heels all the time and it make her about an inch taller than him and they look ridiculous together (look, if you find this offensive, please understand that I'm REALLY hurting here and this post is cathartic)...when I found out I was luckily at home by myself and I nearly threw a fit, chucking pillows everywhere and I even broke a glass. I cried into my pillow all night (yes yes, I know, I know, how stereotypical)

It's been a week now and all I've had is ideas racing across my mind... Going up to him, confessing my love, and begging him to leave her and take me... I'd be lying if I didn't say I've fantasized about bashing her brains in (even writing it gives me joy, even though I know it's evil) ...I've also considered suicide (though I've calmed down a bit from that one, thankfully...but it does have a way of cropping back up again)

I've lost the plot. I'm infatuated and I KNOW I've been infatuated for years...I love him SOO much I think I could roll over and die with the pain of it... Ugh... and no, I'm not interested in other men, no other men could hold a candle... I have other male friends, colleagues, guys I speak to on a nearly daily basis and have never felt any vague romantic or even sexual interest towards them. I don't want them. I only want HIM....and I can't picture a life worth living without HIM...

This post is probably a lot to process but I'm afraid of doing something drastic.i just joined this forum for advice because I've been contemplating calling him ALL day to tell him how I feel...

Hello, before if comment on your situation, I think it's important you work on being a little emotional and stay on an even keel. Relationships will also have rocky times, and I would hate to see you contemplating suicide or thoughts of beheading other people.

Why didn't you confess to him earlier? I understand if you are traditional and want the guy to ask you, but sometimes you have to snatch an opportunity if it presents itself. If you are going to confess now, I would think think carefully what you are going to say. I wouldn't come across as too desperate, and don't beg him to leave buzzcut girl. Just clearly state your feelings and say you want to be together....

I would suggest that you seek professional help.

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While I don't think it's weird if the girl shares her feelings with the boy, I'm concerned this has morphed into something very unhealthy. I don't doubt your feelings are real, but I believe you've been over-saturated in the "what if's" and the fantasies are tainting logical decision making abilities. Do you think it's possible for you to step back for a little while and clear your head? With space, I think you'll be able to better gather and articulate your thoughts. If you were to confess your feelings today, tomorrow, or next week, I think it runs a high risk of not being received well for a multitude of reasons. You owe it to yourself to approach this in the exact timing and in the exact way you've envisioned for so long...Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think your current state of mind is how you've always envisioned it. Anyway, food for thought...just be cautious.