Help! Is he lying or saying the truth :(
Hi! I'm new here and this is my first post. I find this forum really helpful and you guys have good advice so that's why I decided to post.
I'll try to be short with this but I don't think I'll succeed.
So I'm in a relationship with this man for 3 months now. We started talking in last July and dating in August. He was a great man, really loving. He always tried to take care of me and help me in any matter of my life. I felt the love in his eyes. They used to shine and smile from his cheeks when I come around. He used to try his best to be with me as more as he can: Taking flights from his work to come see me, leaving work earlier than usual, stay up late only to call me for hours. Sweet messages any time of the day. I had a crush on him and all of what he did made me fall even harder.
There is a major matter that I need to tell you. When we started dating, he told me he has something to say to me since the beginning because he doesn't wanna lie to me. He said he had a crush on me since he saw me in a reunion 2 years ago and he couldn't talk to me earlier because he's getting a divorce and that he has a daughter.
I know what you are thinking guys. It's really ****ed up. I shouldn't date a married man. That's why I freaked out in the beginning. But he insured me and said that they have been separated for more than a year now. And that there is no way in hell they are going back together or make it work and they both know it. He said they have been killing each other and this is better, and that they will heal from this divorce and that's what they need. I couldn't control it, I really had strong feelings for that man that I couldn't push him away.
You think it can't be any worse but it can. About a month ago, I noticed changes in his behavior. Things I never saw in him before. And it made me really upset. I talked with a therapist about it and she told me your boyfriend is depressed. Like... Badly depressed and it's probably the divorce matter. I told her he wasn't like this. And she said that's normal you can't always spot someone's depression since the beginning and that he is having a really really bad episode of depression right now. I felt upset, clueless and confused since he started closing up more and more. We don't communicate as before , or like at all, and he no longer tells me what is bothering him. I would go spend the night at his space and he would stay with me for sometime but then says he needs to stay alone. And starts drinking non stop. And I feel neglected and unloved. He started calling and texting me less and less. Goes on social media for hours without answering my texts. He even started feeling uncomfortable when I sometimes kiss him or hug him. And even worse, he sometimes doesn't respond back. I'd tell him I love him or miss him and he changes the subject.
I've been really patient with his behavior till I exposed one day and said that I can't take this no more and that he is not the man I met no more. He said he is really upset with the divorce. And that I've become his life and joy but when he remembers his daughter alone with her mother needing him, he feels that he doesn't deserve life or joy. I tried to be more patient but everytime I get burnt out and try to back up, he says he needs me and loves me but returns to the cold unloving him the morning after.
I'm trying to make it work. I'm trying be there for him and neglect all the negative signals he gives me and all th demons fighting in my head. I've learned to give him space and that sometimes it's not about me it's about him. But no, this is not going any better since an other problem blocks the way. It's a colleague, a colleague of him that he slept with before. He told me about her. Lied about not liking her at all before and that it was only one night but after I saw a text from her talking about all the days he used to grab her and kiss her or hug her at work before, he admitted it and said he did it because she was always trying to turn him on but now he no longer sees anyone but me. In the last 2 weeks, she started ( or this is what he made me think) raining him with msgs and letters under his door about how much she loves him and that she will always there waiting. And her only wish is to be with him. At first, he was sending me all what she says, and what he is saying back ( that he has someone in his life and that he loves me.. And asking her to stop because all they are now is friends and they can be nothing more) but now, this no longer happens. I'd ask his if they are still talking and he would say no but they I'd notice a casual text from her in his phone screen ( like let's grab a coffee.. Or hi boss check this movie out ) and he would not respond in front of me. This week we decided to spend it together at his place. But everyday, EVERYDAY, she calls. I make him answer. She once said she only wants to talk with him. An other time she said she is downstairs with dinner. It's burning my nerves. I told him we need to solve this and kick her out of our lives immediately and he said he tried and I know it, but she just isn't stopping. He started taking his phone wherever he is. Grab it with him to the bathroom is the morning ( which he didn't use to do before). And started hanging up her calls whenever she calls. I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do or what to think about this. I don't wanna be the crazy girlfriend who overthinks everything and jumps into conclusions. But with his depressed state and us not being together all of the time, whenever I start to talk about it he says let's not talk about it right now and that he can't have this conversation right now. My guts tell me he is lying and I feel guilty for it.. I used to trust him a lot but now it's like I'm analyzing his every move. Am I being rational and he might really be lying about it ( so in this case something is happening with her) or I'm freaking out and it might be nothing?
PLEASE guys help me. I know I'm in a pretty ****ed up situation and logic says don't stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy anymore but I have feelings for this man. And I shouldn't leave him alone is such a delicate state. But also this situation IS consuming my energy.
