I keep finding him in my way, super confused don't know what's best to do help please

I know probably all of this happened because he didn't care and I would put me in a embarrassing situation again but even though he won't give me an explanation I would like him to know how he made me feel. P.s. ended up now we're living in the same city just one stop with the tube to each other, he keeps writing me.
Can I ask you something? Have you ever loved me? At least for a second what happened between us was real?
I’m asking this because it’s so long that i?m trying to enter in your mind in order to understand what went wrong. Don’t take it wrong, I know you have a girlfriend and the reason why I’m saying all this is NOT because I would like to start all this shit all over again, I just want to put an end on this and even though you went over this thing a long time ago, I didn’t. I need a reason, an explanation of what the **** happened to you, and the only thing I can think about is that you never loved me.
Now I’ll tell you the story from my point of view, ok? Did you remember how it all started? In the moment I entered in that common area in Copenaghen I wanted you to be mine. I needed to talk to you, and I hoped that also something else would have happened to be honest. And from there we started traveling together and again, don’t get me wrong, you were an amazing person but, just like you, I didn’t want anything but sex. But then things changed, evolved, so many things happened and I started feeling something for you. Didn’t say anything, of course, the last thing I wanted was to go through what at the end I had to go through anyway, and more then anything I didn’t want to become the ****ing clicè girl that both of us know really well. We were travelers, we don’t fall in love. And I have to say I was doing a really good job, at least in my mind, I managed to keep it for myself and have fun, always. But then prague came, and YOU broke this unwritten rule, you told me “I love you”. What else could I answer if not “I love you” back? You know I can’t lie. I know we never called our story a relationship, but honestly talking we both know it was (at least at the beginning). I started to trust you, to trust you more then everyone else on this planet and go on, call me immature, young, naive or whatever you want but I did believe in every single word you told me. I gave all myself to you, you know things about me that not even my parents know, in front of you I was and I still completely vulnerable and as I said probably a million times now, the reason why I suffered so much wasn’t because you didn’t loved me anymore but because you weren’t real. Don’t tell me I don’t understand because it was my first relationship and I’m young and I need more time to understand, that’s not the ****ing problem. The problem isn’t being young, the problem is being myself. This is who I am, regardless the age. It’s ****ing difficult for me to find someone that I can trust, that I really care about and with whom I feel really fine. I still don’t know how my mind works, but I do know one thing: every second there are so many thoughts passing through my mind, so many I can’t even try to understand one of them and you were the only person capable to make everything quiet. For the first time in my life I felt like I was doing something great, something REAL. But from one day to another everything (or better you) changed drastically; And yes, I felt something was wrong (don’t know if you remember i was telling you you were cold with me) but you were always reassuring me that everything was fine. Everything was fine, you weren’t cold but oh, you forgot to mention me that one day after I came to visit you the first time you started a relationship. You had the guts to talk to my parents and agreed to be my birthday present. Imagine how I felt when I discovered that in that holiday, in my holiday, I was the bitch of the situation. How could you lie to me that evening in your bed? Couldn’t you see that I was talking with the heart in my hands? You didn’t even respect me enough to tell me the truth in that moment. But you know, I don’t hate you, you improved my life so much; I’m living day by day trying always to reach what I had that summer, how I felt just looking at your eyes. All of this to ask you, please just for a second since we met tell me the truth, and not because you loved me, but because I’m a human being and I deserve at least some respect. Tell me what happened and let me finally close this story. Allow me to get over you.