I am devastated from love
So I am a girl,18 years old, finishing school soon. The story of my unrequired love starts like 3-4 years ago when with one of my classmates, we bacame such good friends that everyone around us was thinking that we like each other.Everyone was sure that he likes me so I decided one day to tell him the truth but I got rejected....it was all lie. After I got rejected I had my worst two years, he started behaving really badly but in the same time he was giving me hope and then made me suffer again.
Finally, like a miracle, i met another boy and for like 2 weeks i forgot all of my pain and love about my ex-crush and I moved on.It was all like a miracle because until like 2 months ago my life was so perfect that I knew that it can't be true.So after meeting my new love, we started dating and for like 1 year even when i was seeing everyday my old crush, he was absolutely out of my mind.I never though about him until like 5 months ago.Back then a really big tragedy happened and my old love's mum passed away..really suddenly. Then after this, he somehow changed and he started like getting close to me again.Since two months, we started chatting again and he said he is sorry, that back then when he rejected me his life was full shi&t, that he almost lost everyone from his family and that he was just awful.I am a really good person and honeslty I felt really sorry about him so I wanted to help him move on with his life.And until I realise that we are getting close again....I fell in love with him.
And here I am, again in love with my first love while having a boyfriend.I feel full like..idk...you will probably say ''fight for your love, you can win'' but honestly I can't. I am so scared, and sometimes he tells me that I am important to him, how he thanks me but in the same time when we are in school idk...he is like colder.I feel like I am annoying to him even if he says I am not.I understand that now he is asbolutely off of this world, because he only thinks about studying and his life is literally shit.And the worst thing is that everyone is starting to talk about us again.Its like I turned back time and I am in the past. I am like ''He didn't fall in love with me back then when we were so close, so why he will fall in love now?'' i just feel like its impossible to win him.And i want to fight but i am so scared even to talk with him,to chat. I feel like my whole ****ing life is awful, that no matter who I find, he gonna be in my heart forever and even after 20 years if i see him, i will love him. I am scared.I can't endure the pain which I felt before.
