1 year later problems

Forever I felt as if I was too awkward and unatractive to be with anybody. After high school and college all I got was insult and rejection so I became comfortable with being alone.
After two years working on my field this girl I had a crush on starts persusing me. In the follwing months I end up feeling special for the first time in my life. Nobody has ever given me so much acknlowegement for being so awesome as she did. She told me i never deserved to be treated poorly by the friends and family who did damage. We made plans, bought concert tix, filled my callender with crazy adventures all summer. The things she said to me were so amazing. So when she made moves after i didnt for two months I didnt stop her and she took my virginiy. Two days later she broke it off, but continued to make and cancel plans with me for 6 months. I called her out on being a bad friend and she said that she was choosing me over her ex boyfriend because I was scary and she said she regretted ever meeting me.
I've spent thousands on therapists, psycologists and the useless pills that they made me buy and I still can't feel anything, make my night mares go away, make my panic attacks go away or relieve any pain. I've got too many bills to keep it up after this long with no progress. My friends are sick of hearing about it. Even weed, sex ,party drugs, booze, skiing, drag racing, rock climbing and playing underground DIY jazz, punk or rock shows wont make it go away. I need a quick solution to being comfortable with being alone and unwanted and to respark intrest in the things I love.