She wants a break

Ok soooo bare with me this will probably be a long post, but please read it all and give me the best feedback you can.


So yahhh, my name is Ryan im 18 years old and im currently on a break with my girlfriend Bianca who is 17.

This all started about a week ago today. She had brought it up a few times saying that we need a break, and that she needs her space, and i smother her.... *(we have been dating for almost 5 months)*

Her reasons for this are
1. her grades are poor in school
2. she feels im too controlling, and that i trap her by not letting her go out and chill with her "friends"


My arguments:
1. If you love me, and want to be with me, youd be with me now and always want to be with me.
2. I help you with your school work. (ive done projects for her, and sat and done hw with her when we hang out.



The terms:
They are kinda undefined. the reason being ive gotten a few different approaches from her on this.
1. we call eachother twice a day, (she always callz me)
once when she is outa school, once before she goes to sleep.
I set this because the first day after our break she called me like 20 times, and its hurtful to here her voice so often when this is going on between us.
2. we can hang out with whoever we want, and we are not responsible to tell the other person who we are hanging out with and what we are doing.
3. This break is suppose to be short and help our relationship out so that when we are back together we will be stronger.

Those terms are kinda loose and not really followed though.
reason 1 being she defineatly calls me more than once a day. We have hung out twice during our break and hooked up both times. and even ate thanksgiving dinner at my parents house.
We still tell eachother how much we love eachother.
you'd almost think its not a break at all.

Ive come to the conclusion through all of this that i really think she doesn't know what she wants.

I had a friend point out the situation to me like this.

1. she is still in highschool, she is young, she wants to live her life in the present, partying, hanging out with other guys, doing whatever...
2. she knows she loves me and she wants me to wait for her, because she knows im what she wants in the future, (stability)
3. what she doesn't understand is that my life doesn't go on pause and its not fair for her to do this to me.


She has stated a few times and we have gone back and forth on this, that we can do whatever we want on this break. (hook up with whoever else w/e...) I don't really like the idea of that. So i said look, i will do this break if A. you promise to be loyal to me. B. you get done what you need to do. C. it will be a relatively short process.
She originally said that it was too much to ask. Primarily the being loyal to me.
But since then she to the best of my knowledge has followed that and stated that she doesn't want to get with anyone else because she loves me.

Throughout this break like most im assumeing from what ive read, we have had many fights and arguements resulting in us (breaking up for good). To be shortly apoligizing to eachother 20 min after that fight and going back on our break terms.

I love this girl to death, and it really says a lot for me to put up with this, because i have never and would never put up with this from any other girl.

A few questions i have that maybe i can get some feedback, positive or negative on, from preferably members from both sexes.

1. do you think she is cheating on me.
2. is this typical of a junior girl in highschool
3. is it worth my time


To further explain our situation (which i know is hard because you can't put 5 months of a relationship on one post in a forum)

I mentioned above i am 18. However; i am different from most 18 year olds. Ive already graduated highschool, and i have 2 years of college completed. I work a full time job and make a good living. ( i have 2 apartments, and a new car) I know we are kind of at different places in our life and what life expects from us. But i don't necessarily see a problem with this because we are only a year apart, and we love eachother that is all that matters right?

Also some other problems in our relationship
1. we have never had sex. and no she is not a virgin. (I can see some of the people reading this going, good god wtf leave her)
If i ever bring it up she usally gets mad at me for it. yes we hook up make out, been to every other base on the field except full intercourse.

2. She tends to take out alot of her stress on me. Im the reason she is soo stressed out all the time.
For Example: she gets in trouble and is always stressed out apparently everytime she chills with me, for everyone else its not like that. (that last sentence right there is her insight and i would have to agree with it)

3. Before her i dated this girl brittany. Brittany and i got along great, but she got kicked outa school and got sent to live with her mom in florida, we still talk and it drives bianca crazy. She threatens to break up with me just for her name being mentioned.

And to clarify from above her chilling with her (friends) and me not approving of it.

She states that she does not get along with other girls, so therefore all her friends are guys. most of you guys out there that have had a girlfriend, know what its like to say ok baby, go ahead and go see a movie and have lunch with your ex. **@#$#@ yahhh right, no guy just lets his girl go out and do that. however this has become a common accurance. She is constantly arranging what i like to call dates with other ex-boyfriends and guy-friends from school. to go out to eat and go to a movie, or go to their house or whatever. And it bothers the hell out of me. So yes i put my foot down and say nooo. And yes ive asked if i can tag along too. but she says no that will be weird. So yes lately even before the break ive been allowing it to keep the peace and it trust to hope she is not cheating on me.

Anywayz there is soo much more to type and i know this is a big post to read int he first place.

so i leave you with this

A. I finish out the break with her which is suppose to end monday, and go from there.
B. I say **** it its not worth the drama i can do better and find better, and deal with the emotional pain of leaving her.
C. I flip it on her and say actually lets take a break for another week and scare the hell outa her so she treats me better.
D. End the relationship and try to stay friends with benifits (which im not sure at this point i could deal with)

I really look forward to hearing other peoples thoughts and feedback on my situation. If you have any other questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Thankz, Ryan

You sound like a little pouting child that can't get his way.

Is it so wrong she wants to focus on bettering herself in school rather than giving all her attention to your sorry ass?

And get over the whole "I may only be 18 but I'm different" bull$hit. 'Cause if you ask me, the only thing that make you different is that you're actin' like a 12 year old.

If you can't deal with the conditions of this "break" then damn it grow some balls and break it off.

naw man, you got it wrong, maybe i came off that way. The thing is she hasn't bettered herself in school at all. If anything she is just out chilling with every other dude out there. Im more than ready to break it off. but im seeking the advice from others and getting as much feedback as i can before i make any major decisions.

Im not a pouting 12 yr old. I came here to seek advice. But if thats the way you look at it. Thats the way you look at it. And what i said being different than most 18 year olds. I meant that most are living with their parents, in college, or still in highschool. Im neither of those. So i was just pointing out that we are in different stages of life.

If you're not happy with her behavior and she doesn't care to change it, it's time to go on about your business. If you meet someone you click with better, so be it. If you don't, so be that.

WHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Why dont you give her, her space. I think that if you have your head up her ass 24/7 things can get pretty boooring. Oh and another thing, why the hell does she get to see her ex and she will get so mad when you even mention yours. Oh and another thing dont talk to her so much because it will get to the point that calling each other will be a hassle. You don't wanna start having phone calls where your eyes begin to glaze over after " Hows it goin"..... Also you should get a cat.

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Originally Posted by Penny_Wise

WHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Why dont you give her, her space. I think that if you have your head up her ass 24/7 things can get pretty boooring. Oh and another thing, why the hell does she get to see her ex and she will get so mad when you even mention yours. Oh and another thing dont talk to her so much because it will get to the point that calling each other will be a hassle. You don't wanna start having phone calls where your eyes begin to glaze over after " Hows it goin"..... Also you should get a cat.

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hahha, thanx, i hate cats though, and yes im giving her her space and things seem to be working out. But im not totally sure. Its not like she didn't have space to begin with, i only saw her like 2-3 times a week. And 95% of the time she calls me. I guess my original post made me seem to "clingy" or some shit when in reality i think what she is trying to do is scare me into me thinking she is gonna leave me. So she wants me kissing her feet. And i did for a day or two. but now im just w/e about it. and she is slowly coming back, she tells me all the time crying she is soo scared she will lose me.

When you have this much trouble in a relationship you might as well break it off.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee

When you have this much trouble in a relationship you might as well break it off.

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It's defineatly an option i have set before me now and im willing to take. But its kinda of an odd feeling she is giving me.

It's like she is spitting in my face but telling me she loves me.

So my heart is surviving off of she tell me she loves me all the time

But my brain is going screw it, you can get better, and deserve better.

Its like a civil war inside my body...

I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

It's defineatly an option i have set before me now and im willing to take. But its kinda of an odd feeling she is giving me.

It's like she is spitting in my face but telling me she loves me.

So my heart is surviving off of she tell me she loves me all the time

But my brain is going screw it, you can get better, and deserve better.

Its like a civil war inside my body...

I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling

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Her behavior is typical, people tend to resort to desperate measures to try to keep the status quo.

Oh god I have sucha reply to this.... But Its so long and I dont have the time... Basically you are contradicting your own questions, answers and conclusions.

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

2. she feels im too controlling, and that i trap her by not letting her go out and chill with her "friends"

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

1. If you love me, and want to be with me, youd be with me now and always want to be with me.
2. I help you with your school work. (ive done projects for her, and sat and done hw with her when we hang out.

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Both of your reasons here are controlling... Exactly what she doesnt want.

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

The terms:

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Controlling.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

2. we can hang out with whoever we want, and we are not responsible to tell the other person who we are hanging out with and what we are doing.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

Those terms are kinda loose and not really followed though.
reason 1 being she defineatly calls me more than once a day. We have hung out twice during our break and hooked up both times. and even ate thanksgiving dinner at my parents house.
We still tell eachother how much we love eachother.
you'd almost think its not a break at all.

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The reason she wants this break is so you stop being so controlling, therefore she wants to feel like she has more say in what you do. Basically she is telling you to back off and stop smothering her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

Ive come to the conclusion through all of this that i really think she doesn't know what she wants.

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I think she does, but its you being over the top and probably making her feel guilty when she hangs out with her friends.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

I had a friend point out the situation to me like this.

1. she is still in highschool, she is young, she wants to live her life in the present, partying, hanging out with other guys, doing whatever...
2. she knows she loves me and she wants me to wait for her, because she knows im what she wants in the future, (stability)
3. what she doesn't understand is that my life doesn't go on pause and its not fair for her to do this to me.

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Your only a year older than her, and yes partying and hanging out is what you do at your age. She doesn't necessarily want you in the future, you dont seem stable to me. I think you are just talking yourself up and blaming her for all the problems. I'm sure she DOES know your life wont go on pause, and it shouldn't.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

1. do you think she is cheating on me.
2. is this typical of a junior girl in highschool
3.is it worth my time

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1.Your on a break... There is no cheating.
2.Its typical for a lot of people YOUR age. Your not more mature just by being a year older than her.
3.Are you worth her time?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

I mentioned above i am 18. However; i am different from most 18 year olds. Ive already graduated highschool, and i have 2 years of college completed. I work a full time job and make a good living. ( i have 2 apartments, and a new car) I know we are kind of at different places in our life and what life expects from us. But i don't necessarily see a problem with this because we are only a year apart, and we love eachother that is all that matters right?

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No thats not all that matters, you can love someone with all your might, but they have to love you back, and all the love in the world cant bring two people together. And you aren't any different from a lot of 18yo's.

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

Also some other problems in our relationship
1. we have never had sex. and no she is not a virgin. (I can see some of the people reading this going, good god wtf leave her)
If i ever bring it up she usally gets mad at me for it. yes we hook up make out, been to every other base on the field except full intercourse.

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I think its a problem that you think this is a problem.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

2. She tends to take out alot of her stress on me. Im the reason she is soo stressed out all the time.
For Example: she gets in trouble and is always stressed out apparently everytime she chills with me, for everyone else its not like that. (that last sentence right there is her insight and i would have to agree with it)

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Well if your the problem, no wonder she takes it out on you.

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

3. Before her i dated this girl brittany. Brittany and i got along great, but she got kicked outa school and got sent to live with her mom in florida, we still talk and it drives bianca crazy. She threatens to break up with me just for her name being mentioned.

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I dont blame her for going crazy, but there is no reason why you should stop, unless there is something more going on. I would guess you like the attention of an ex girlfriend. And probably talk to her about your problems with you current one.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

She states that she does not get along with other girls, so therefore all her friends are guys. most of you guys out there that have had a girlfriend, know what its like to say ok baby, go ahead and go see a movie and have lunch with your ex. **@#$#@ yahhh right, no guy just lets his girl go out and do that. however this has become a common accurance. She is constantly arranging what i like to call dates with other ex-boyfriends and guy-friends from school. to go out to eat and go to a movie, or go to their house or whatever. And it bothers the hell out of me. So yes i put my foot down and say nooo. And yes ive asked if i can tag along too. but she says no that will be weird. So yes lately even before the break ive been allowing it to keep the peace and it trust to hope she is not cheating on me.

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Yeah OK it isn't the best thing in the world to be doing, but they are her friends, and all you are doing is being a jealous *******. You talk to your ex, so why cant she do that to hers? I have more female friends than male, theres nothing wrong with it.

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

A. I finish out the break with her which is suppose to end monday, and go from there.

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But back the **** off from her and give her space. Dont ask her what she is doing all the time, and dont make her feel guilty for hangin out doing her own thing.

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

B. I say **** it its not worth the drama i can do better and find better, and deal with the emotional pain of leaving her.

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Sounds like she can find someone better too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

C. I flip it on her and say actually lets take a break for another week and scare the hell outa her so she treats me better.

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Let me hear *******.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoph8ting87

D. End the relationship and try to stay friends with benifits (which im not sure at this point i could deal with)

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Ummm... No!! You haven't even had the benefits IN the relationshp.

thank you that has been rather helpful to try and see things from her side a little bit. Somethings i agree with and others i clearly don't, she sent me this thing tonight, and i think its kinda ****ed up. She said this song makes her think of me and her. At the same time i kinda see how the song could describe us too. I asked her about it, and like if im suppose to feel like the guy in the song. And alls she said was, "don't look too far into it"

[Chorus]
I'm Sprung...(I'm sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you
I'm Sprung...(I'm Sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you

You Do [7x]

[Chorus]
I'm Sprung...(I'm sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you
I'm Sprung...(I'm Sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you

You Do [4x]
You
Do [15x]

[Verse 1]
She got me doin da dishes
Anythang she want for some kisses
I'm cookin for her when she gets hungry
All she do is actin like she want me
She cuttin off all my homies
Even all my other ronnies
She ain't even my main lady
See I been thinking 'bout it lately
Man she really don't deserve me
All she wanna do is hurt me
So I gotta get away from her...
But now I'm leaving quickly
Before she come and try to get me...
And I'm takin everythang with me...
Well it all come down to her...

[Chorus]
I'm Sprung...(I'm sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you
I'm Sprung...(I'm Sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you

You Do [4x]
You
Do [15x]

[Verse 2]
So we went our separate ways...
It's been a couple of days...
But now I'm doin what I want to
With nobody tellin me what I'm gonna do
And I'm feeling so free...
With nobody but me...
Now I can handle all my business
All my fellas can I get a witness
But I'm feelin kinda lonely
On top of that I'm kinda horny
And I gotta get back to her...
Now I'm leavin quickly...
Before she come and try to get me...
And I'm takin everythang with me...
Well it all come down to her...

[Chorus]
I'm Sprung...(I'm sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you
I'm Sprung...(I'm Sprung)
Dawg She Got Me...
Got me doin things I'll never do If u ain't been I'm tellin you

You Do [4x]
You
Do [15x]

Let me explain something else ive kinda realized i think why this all started happening.

Before i met her i was a very to myself person.
And i was real big into getting messed up everynight.

When her and i first met
we started hanging out everyday
she would come over to my house for a few hours and we'd go out for a movie or dinner or with some mutual friends or something.

at the time i was having a rough time at home with my parents and just life in general. I was way into getting high, and getting in trouble.

She helped pull me out of that, and let me chill with her instead. And i thank her for it. But through the whole process of allt his and me moving out of my parents house and not having a place to stay. She helped me with all of it. Gave me gas $$$ got me groceries let me stay at her sisters house when i dind't have a place to stay. This went on for about a period of a month. Until i landed a good job and got my own car and own place and back on my feet. But when i got to the point where i had to accept her help even though i didn't want it. I became dependent on her being there all the time. Because family and friends weren't around. So long story short. Now that im back on my feet, she is backing off, and letting me live on my own again. And cleary i haven't been likeing her not being around. But now that i realize this it is good for me, and she kinda mentioned something along the lines of this in the first place. So i guess from here i just need some feedback on these last couple of questions i have.

1. I clearly really need to give her space. Thats what she wants.

2. I guess a general question out there to anyone who has been in a relationship
Do u think its wrong or would you have a problem with this situation. Your partner calls you and says they wanna hang out with you this evening. You respond yah sure that sounds good, when/where can i meet you? You arrange to meet around 7, you get a call at 5 saying they are tired and are going home, and that we can hang out another time. You know your partner gets stressed easy, and that it is common for them to go home and take a nap. You then find out that they went out and chilled with members of the opposite sex all night, and one of them was an ex-boyfriend. You know your partner has asked for space. But you feel like they just spit in your face. If you say something you know they'll get mad. But at the same time your hurt because you've been blown off and most likely lied too.

That situation is an on going occurance in our relationship.
We make plans she changes them in the last minute, blows me off ruins my night, and hangs out with ex-boyfriends, guy-friends w.e.

I guess thats the bad and the ugly i hadn't really got into before.

I have a pretty big problem with this.

Is it because i get jealous too easy, or im smothering her that i get soo mad.

Would you let your partner do that to you.?

where do i draw the line?

This has been an ongoing problem in our relationship

and like i stated a few posts above.

She'll threaten to break up with me, if i so much as even instant message one of my ex-girlfriends?

I almost feel like ive been whipped or trained. I kinda of want out of it all but i don't wanna lose her.

ADVICE !!>!>???

xOutrageous xox: i have to tell you some things
StOp H8TinG 87: ok
xOutrageous xox: that are going to make you hate me
xOutrageous xox: and you wil be done with me and never talk to me again
xOutrageous xox: but ou deserve the truth
StOp H8TinG 87: ok im listening
xOutrageous xox: i cheated on you in the beginning of our relationship
StOp H8TinG 87: with?
xOutrageous xox: matt
StOp H8TinG 87: richardson? or D?
xOutrageous xox: D
StOp H8TinG 87: was that at shannons house that one time?
xOutrageous xox: ?
StOp H8TinG 87: alright nvm, continue
xOutrageous xox: no thats it
xOutrageous xox: and i understand that we're done and you'll never have anything to do w/ me
xOutrageous xox: and that hurts
xOutrageous xox: but im glad i told you the truth
StOp H8TinG 87: call me please
xOutrageous xox: no
xOutrageous xox: i can do this online, not on the phone
xOutrageous xox: ryan, i am so sorry
StOp H8TinG 87: have you ever cheated on me past that?
xOutrageous xox: during our break
StOp H8TinG 87: who?
xOutrageous xox: matt d
xOutrageous xox: and i kissed danny o
StOp H8TinG 87: baby why?
xOutrageous xox: temptation
StOp H8TinG 87: do u have any idea how much you mean to me?
StOp H8TinG 87: seriously
StOp H8TinG 87: baby girl, you had my heart
xOutrageous xox: yes and thats why im telling you
StOp H8TinG 87: and i don't think youreally know how hurt i am right now
xOutrageous xox: you still have mine
StOp H8TinG 87: i still want so bad
StOp H8TinG 87: you soo bad
StOp H8TinG 87: but i can't trust you
StOp H8TinG 87: im soo hurt right now
StOp H8TinG 87: iiii iiii iii
StOp H8TinG 87: i dunno
StOp H8TinG 87: do u even care?
xOutrageous xox: i care so much
xOutrageous xox: i just lost my life.
StOp H8TinG 87: then why won't you talk to me?
xOutrageous xox: all the plans we've made everything
xOutrageous xox: i ****ed up
StOp H8TinG 87: pleas no talk to me
StOp H8TinG 87: i wanna hear your voice
StOp H8TinG 87: even if its the last time
xOutrageous xox: i dont want it to be the last time
StOp H8TinG 87: well call me please i wanan talk to you on the phone
xOutrageous xox: yes gimme a few minutes
StOp H8TinG 87: ok


Yah........ Give her space my ass. I was right all along

BEST BELEIVE SHE'z outa the picture

I always think breaks are stupid. If you feel the need to have a break, then break up and try to move on.

So she cheated on you. Yes, that was wrong. Now you can move on and not worry about what you should do.

ugggh to clear things up....

after the phone call
actually a series of phone calls

she still wants me, and wants me to forgive her.
But she wants a break for the time being. To situate herself.

I don't know what i want. I told her that too.

I told her i couldn't trust her.
and i told her not to call. She asked me if she could instant message me. I said that was fine.

apparently it turns out she had sex with two dudes.

Both of these guys i have met. even shook their hands.

One she was supposedly guilted into, which im not sure i really buy into and either way, the other one clearly wasn't.

And as i mentioned before me and her have never had sex. so im sure you can imagine how this would piss me off even more.

On the other hand this is kind of a good thing. Because this without a doubt gives me the full right to leave her. And not feel guilty about the situation She messed up not me. So i can start with day one tommorow. And get better from there on afterwards.

But i guess i really don't know what i want.
I still have feelings for her of course. And im sure everyone on here will just tell me to move on. Because its the logical obvious choice of the situation. There are better girls out there. I deserve better.

Let me hear your thoughts.

As of right now. We're done. and im not planning to contact her anytime soon. But she said she wants to keep messageing me and telling me im on her mind, but doesn't expect me to respond to her.