alright people - question

alright, so just so everyone knows, im a 17 year old guy, senior in high school. virgin.

Ive really liked this girl on and off of the last year or so. We've had at 1-3 classes together every year, so ive gotten to know her pretty well.
So like 3 weeks ago i ask her out.
And things have been great...

but things are moving very fast.
Which i think is fine and dandy.
However, her best friend (shes been coaching me on how to approach her for a while now) tells me that she wants to go further (2nd base is our current state).

So naturally, im thinking sex. Now there are a few issues with this.

1. It's been 3 weeks. Is this normal for a high school relationship? I mean she really didn't seem like the horny type! But hey.

2. I'm a Christian - so premarital sex isnt exactly something ive come to embrace... I've always told myself that I'm going to wait until I'm married. But now... I really want this!

3. A good friend of mine (female) told me about her personal experiences including the aftermath of losing her virginity. She made it very clear that the fact that she and her at the time boyfriend had sex made it that much harder for her to see that he wasn't right for her. I dont know she made it very clear the other day. She also pointed out that virginity is something that you only have once. Once you lose it you never, ever get it back.

I dont know. I really like this girl, hell i might even love her. But graduation is like 6 months away, and i don't know if she sees a relationship with me outside of high school. Nor do i know if its in the cards at all on my end.

Another big thing is that my friend brought up how much having sex can screw with a girl's emotions. I don't know if i want to do that to her. I mean if the time came where we were to break up, i wouldn't want it to tear either one of us apart. Namely her. Gosh. i dont know. any input is much appreciated.


thanks

Uh, yeah, 3 weeks is way too soon to be having sex. Especially after what I just read. Neither of ya'll seem to know very well what you want. You need to wait a while, as this is not really an established long term relationship. You need to spend more time with her outside of school going on dates and spending social time together (as you made it sound like anything you do outside of school is somewhat sexual, maybe I misread). Give it some time, wait until you know this is someone you want to pursue a relationship with, or at least someone who will not be greatly affected or unable to cope with the emotional consequences of you two losing your virginity to each other. Lastly, if you're comfortable enough, you need to talk to her about it, not just go on the inerpretation of her friend's word. And if you can't talk about having sex with her, you're not ready to have sex with her.

On another note, I really don't think your religion should be a big factor in this. Sex is special for a lot of reasons, and God is not one of them.

Nuff said.

NEXT!

well we do hang out considerably outside of school, we've been on a handful of dates and parked a few times. But i think that you could be right in your advice, that we need to wait it out a bit and see where things go. Another thing if it clarifies at all - both of us are pretty quiet people, plus im just really shy. but you know.

and one more thing- tonight she mentioned a plan to go out to dinner on monday (1 month) with her friend (my little informant) and her bf (we have the same anniversary 2 months apart so its convenient) and she mentioned 'going to dinner and then going out *pointing in opposite directions*' which i know means she wants one on one time - but i dont know where its gonna lead.

thanks a lot for your advice so far!

hehe same anniversary.....I agree with Debunkt. You should wait. You should be able to talk about this kind of stuff with her before you should be having sex with her.

I think the most salient think Debunkt said in his post was if you can't talk about sex with her, you probably shouldn't be having it with her. Although I'm picking up on your sense that she seems to be rushing the sex thing a little much, I'd take some one-on-one time with her and, when it started to get heated, I'd start asking questions. Like: Where does she want all this to lead?

Without meaning to bust any bubbles, I feel compelled to also say that it's been my experience women can be a lot more clinical about their virginity than a man can about his. A woman can select a man with whom she wants to lose her virginity and thats all. Nothing more. Maybe she's rushing it because she's on a schedule. She's picked you to lose it to and has only so much time to do it in.

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Originally Posted by whaywardj

I think the most salient think Debunkt said in his post was if you can't talk about sex with her, you probably shouldn't be having it with her. Although I'm picking up on your sense that she seems to be rushing the sex thing a little much, I'd take some one-on-one time with her and, when it started to get heated, I'd start asking questions. Like: Where does she want all this to lead?

Without meaning to bust any bubbles, I feel compelled to also say that it's been my experience women can be a lot more clinical about their virginity than a man can about his. A woman can select a man with whom she wants to lose her virginity and thats all. Nothing more. Maybe she's rushing it because she's on a schedule. She's picked you to lose it to and has only so much time to do it in.

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I happen to "one of the selected" once in my life.

She was a year older, had grown up together, and one night, after droping everyone off, her and I in my car. She just came out and asked. Said she wanted it with someone she would always remember foundly. I did not care about that at the time, but I wish she had been my first.

boy , whats wrong with you ? man up and go buy condoms at the closest store ... well its always better to be prepared than to be left with an akward situation . you do realize that if you pass this up , she might get tired of this and move away from you .

WAIT... just sit it out a while man, you seem to be a really smart kid and you are holding out for all the right reasons. i applaud you, but i also think you should be prepaired, buy condoms, make sure they are around if you ever need them, i have a friend that got pregnant the first time she had sex. also dont start to soon man, take my word, its hard to have later relationships down the road when you have slept with alot of your intrest's friends!! it will be okay just use your head and dont do it untill you feel comftorible!

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Originally Posted by Late_vamp

boy , whats wrong with you ? man up and go buy condoms at the closest store ... well its always better to be prepared than to be left with an akward situation . you do realize that if you pass this up , she might get tired of this and move away from you .

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yeah i realize that. im contemplating getting some condoms and putting them in the glovebox just in case things do heat up.

as for her being on a schedule and being set on me to lose her virginity to, i dont really know. but i know that she has liked me on and off (mostly on) for like 2 years. so maybe she has got it figured out. i dont know.


but before anything - im gonna talk to her about it all. about if she thinks we're ready. and stuff. and, of course, if i could convince her to wait a bit. just cuz id want us to be closer emotionally before we get so sexual. ya get my meaning?

yeah. im thinkin so.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Debunkt

On another note, I really don't think your religion should be a big factor in this. Sex is special for a lot of reasons, and God is not one of them.

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I agree with everything you said except for this, and I'm not even Christian, nor am I opposed to nonmarital sex. I think whether or not God has a role in the choices one makes regarding sex depends on how seriously they take their religion. In other words, if you truly believe you shouldn't be having sex for religious reasons and believe it to be "sinful" you ought not do it.

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Originally Posted by shh!

I agree with everything you said except for this, and I'm not even Christian, nor am I opposed to nonmarital sex. I think whether or not God has a role in the choices one makes regarding sex depends on how seriously they take their religion. In other words, if you truly believe you shouldn't be having sex for religious reasons and believe it to be "sinful" you ought not do it.

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yeah this is just what ive been taught the last few years since i got involved with my church - and it makes sense on a moral scale too. but dang. i know its sinful and everything, but theres the bad part (satan maybe?) of me saying 'well i sin anyway and Jesus forgives me, so why not just sin a little bit more?' which is ENTIRELY the wrong outlook. but i dont know.
i want to be with her so bad.

Well, I can't help you on a theological level since I don't believe in Satan and consider it to be a way to deflect responsibility for bad choice making, but if it matters to you, you ought to speak to your pastor/priest/whatever. If you truly believe in Hell and all that jazz, then it seems like a worthwhile investment of time.

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Originally Posted by shh!

Well, I can't help you on a theological level since I don't believe in Satan and consider it to be a way to deflect responsibility for bad choice making, but if it matters to you, you ought to speak to your pastor/priest/whatever. If you truly believe in Hell and all that jazz, then it seems like a worthwhile investment of time.

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gah - totally cant talk to my pastor about anything having to do with my gf. 1st off, hes sort of new to my church. 2nd off, he strongly reccomended that i get her involved with the church before i courted her. WHOOPS that one just sorta happened but i know exactly what i'd hear from him.

but belief in hell means belief in heaven, and belief in heaven means belief in the savior Jesus christ. all sins are forgiven, but we're SUPPOSED to live our lives in his image. so lets hope Jesus had some condoms in his glove box too...?

thats bad. hahaa. totally kidding. but you know?

Well, I am certainly not prepared to defend your religious theology, so far is it from my own, but I don't think that you are looking at this in quite the way your faith would want you to. :-) But yes, I do see that there appears to be little reason to not have sex if you are sure saying "sorry" to Jesus will make everything okay.

Maybe you have someone else you can talk to about this? I don't mean another kid, but someone older that you respect?