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i.e. guys who are really nice to you/go out of their way for you...or do they all have ulterior motives? (most likely, they want sex). I read that somewhere, and I think it's a bit extreme and ridiculous. Thoughts?
Personally, I *do* believe that guys will treat a girl they found attractive better than one they found not-so-attractive (there have even been experiements to prove this), but to what extent is it true that *everytime* this happens, they actually want something back from her?
Everybody who is nice to another person has ulterior motives. (Aren't you nice to people because you want something, such as approval, friendship, or simply getting to feel good about yourself because you are nice?) Who cares WHY people are nice, so long as they ARE nice?
i think it all depends on an individuals perspective. take me for instance, some guys might think i'm really hot and sexy or whatever, but i know there are some guys out there who think i'm a dog, you know? my boyfriend and i compare what we find attractive and i tell you it isn't the same thing most of the time.
but yes, i do believe there are men who are not all about sex.
vashti is 100% correct. ANYONE that's nice to you has some sort of ulterior motive. whether it's sex, approval, money, friendship/companionship, SOMETHING...no one puts effort into a relationship unless they're getting SOMETHING out of it. if you start getting NOTHING out of a relationship and it don't look like it's gonna change...then see if that person sticks around. nope...Quote:
Originally Posted by doll69
now...are there guys where it's about more than sex? OF COURSE!!!! it's about more than sex with EVERY guy...as long as it's the right girl. and there's the rub. i mean...even the playa, who's only looking for sex and treats women as objects and doesn't believe all the emotional bullshit, even he will get stopped cold in his tracks by the right girl. you just gotta be the right girl for the right guy.
and there are other times when it's not about sex either. i have several female friends. and they are just that friends...i don't desire sex from them, they don't desire sex from me. we hang out, talk, laugh, and it's all good...she's just one of the guys to me.
do we treat people that we find physically attractive better than people we find less attractive? well...yeah. but keep in mind the perception of beauty...this was talked about in another recent thread as well...beauty is in the eye of the beholder. AND...beauty changes with our minds perception of the person.
i should say though...even when it's not about JUST sex, it still is about sex. i mean, when we get stopped in our tracks by some amazing girl that we want a relationship with, it's not like we all of a sudden lose our sex drive. on the contrary...we want sex even MORE...but we want the whole person as well...and we're willing to delay sex in order to win her mind. otherwise, we'd just drop the hoe as soon as we realized she's not gonna put out fast or easily...
dang it...i had a bunch of other thoughts...but i got up to answer the my cell and now everything flew out of my stupid brain...stupid brain...
If we were nice you would dismiss us as "CLingy" "Needy", "Something Wierd about him"Quote:
Originally Posted by doll69
We treat you like shit so you will keep us around.
Wow, after being on these forums for (what is it, a year and a half now?), I think this is the first time that I disagree with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti
Although I do see your points (which are very valid and with which I somewhat agree with).. I don't really agree. I guess that most people are nice to other people for ulterior motives. But I think that people don't think about these motives a lot. Take best friends for example. People do a lot of nice things for their best friends. Of course it could be argued that a motive for doing these things are to 'strengthen the friendship' or whatnot. Although it could be considered, I don't really agree with this. If something happens to them (like their car breaks down), and call me to help, and I say no (when I really can pick them up), it wouldn't negatively affect the relationship because they wouldn't know that I could help them. I, personally, would help them BECAUSE they're my friend and BECAUSE I care. I hang out with my friends because I WANT to be with them.. and I feel that for the most part, what I say is what I truly think and not meant to bring about a certain impression about myself to others. For if we've known each other for so long and we know each other so well, what is the need for an 'impression'?
When meeting someone new, then I must say ulterior motive is more prevalent. Wanting friendship could definitely be considered an ulterior motive, but is it a harmful one? If both people want to be companions with one another, I can hardly call it ulterior motive anymore. I tend to believe that as you get to know someone better, you become even more yourself to them. The more true you are to yourself when you are with this person, the less it becomes an ulterior motive. If something you say is something you would have said anyway without that person there (disregarding personal jokes and things you would only say to them due to them knowing something or personal bond), then I believe that there is no ulterior motive in those words (that is, if you are someone who is 'yourself' a good part of the time).
What I disagree with most is your statement "Who cares WHY people are nice, so long as they ARE nice?". I think you should DEFINITELY care why people are nice. Your perception of the person has an effect on this (may be bad, may be good, but I definitely think it does). If someone you KNOW to be malicious/harmful to you is trying to be nice to you, there's much reason to suspect that this person has an ulterior motive when being nice to you (and there probably is). This person probably wants to USE you for something.. something materialistic, or otherwise. If one of your friends is nice to you (someone who is usually nice regardless), then there's little reason to suspect that this person has an ulterior motive for being nice. Yes, like you said, the ulterior motive could be friendship itself, but if it is mutual, I think it doesn't become as much of a motive anymore. So yes, it is of PARAMOUNT matter of why people are nice to you. Just because someone is nice to you doesn't mean they want to be. It could be a very thin layer, which under very evil intents lie. I think determining between these people and people who are truly nice is the way in which you find good relationships and avoid terrible ones.
Bingo, we have a winner.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vref
But add the word "smothering" although I never understood that complaint. Hell, If I like somebody I want to be smothered by them.
Aww, well. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.Quote:
Originally Posted by Prodigal
I see your point, and I guess that I am assuming that to appreciate someone being nice to you is not the same thing as allowing yourself to be suckered. You are right, though. Lots of people lack the ability to recognize when they are being played (or refuse to acknowledge it, even when they suspect it).Quote:
Originally Posted by Prodigal
I disagree; everyone needs their space and a little independence or "me" time.Quote:
Originally Posted by blackiesharley
So true and something I am trying hard to get over!Quote:
Originally Posted by Vref
with my 1st serious GF i was the nicest guy with her , i believe i was so nice that i actually spoiled her , then she kind of betrayed me , she did not cheat , since that day i wasnt THAT nice to her anymore , only on occasions .
a couple of months later she was asking me why i wasnt as nice as i was in the beginning anymore . Never again will i spoil a woman as much as i did to her , until after we are married of course .
then with my ex , i wasnt nearly as nice as i was with the 1st serious GF . Funny thing is , she actually treated me better and she was alot nicer , sometimes i think women make no sense , you treat them nicely , they disrespect you , you treat them (well not bad , but just ok) and they try to do so much for you . wtf ?!?!
ps : i did the same with the 1st GF . when i wasnt as nice as before she was actually getting better than she was before , but it ended after a short while and then the whole relationship started to crumble , because i wasnt being "the BF that pays and cleans up for all her shit like a dog " ...
LOL @ Tone :D
Someone deleted my posts.
HEY - they were FUNNY!!!
Sure they were tone, sure they were. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Tone
I'm nice doll69. Let me give you an example. A girl i know didn't buy an advent calendar at the start of December (for those of you who don't know an advent calendar is something that you use to count down the 24 days till christmas). And the thing she loves most about advent calendars are the pictures that you get on the back of the door. So i ripped off the little doors of my advent calendar and gave them to her. See it's the little things that count. There's always hope that you'll meet a guy as nice as me. And I'm not even needy or over keen. :D