So I'm 20 and she's 17 (novel sized)

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08-02-06, 12:25 PM
WhatToDo20

So I'm 20 and she's 17 (novel sized)

Alright well I'll post my story and see if anyone cares to give me some input...

About 3 months ago I broke up with a girlfriend of 2 years, and it was the best decision I ever made... She was the type to lie, cover up her slip ups, and all that jazz.. Fun stuff!! Not. Anyway it left me paranoid about girls and "flirting" with other guys. When I look back at the time I spent with her, I was totally miserable.. we had an apartment, and she had the nerve to see another guy after I went to work while I made money for rent... and played it off as one of her "friends." Yeah, and funny enough I stayed with her for 7 months after that.. who knows what went down. That's all history though, I thought I'd just give some background on me.

So anyway, now we're in the present, and I'm seeing a girl who is absolutely amazing. We've been dating since the end of December, and every time we're together it's awesome. We've gone on spurts where we'll (well I) will stay up for 3 days straight with her... it goes like, I get off work, go to her house, chill and hang out til 5 am, I go to work, and the cycle repeats. Anyway I'm trying to cut back on that because I don't want to wear my welcome at their house... that's never good.

Anyway we see eachother almost every day, things are good and dandy... but I don't want what we have to end... right now we're both infatuated with eachother and it's really cool. Blah I don't know what I'm trying to say. She's a great girlfriend, I like a lot of things about her. She started a job today and I went to pick her up, and when I got there she ran right over to me and gave me a kiss right in front of all her "male" co-workers (those bastards! hehe).

I'm trying to play everything slow, because it's never good to rush anything... so I'm just letting things happen as they do and just "observing" and making mental notes, you know... so if things don't work out, it's not the end of the world. I'm just scared that she's gonna become interested in some other guy, because well, she's a girl, and is amazingly beautiful, and a lot of guys must hit on her, like, all the time. But in the end I do trust her, and if she did gain interest in someone else I'd hope she would just tell me and not just see him on the side. Like I said my last relationship left me a bit paranoid about things like this, so maybe it makes sense for me to worry... I just am scared she's going to get bored and move on to greener pastures, ya know?

But here's the catch... Well first off, every time her and I hang out, she thanks me for everything (I don't know why she'd thank me, I had fun too!), and says how much she loves hanging out with me and how happy she is that we are together. So I mean, that's good... but it's like every time we hang out almost, and I kind of think that maybe she just says that out of some sort of habbit maybe? Maybe not, in fact now that I think about it that's messed up to even consider. I just feel like she feels "obligated" to say that, and it bothers me, because she isn't obligated to say thank you all the time, I do the things I do because I want to. Like if she needs to go to the store, and I'm over there.. I'll drive her around, it's not a big deal for me at all... maybe she just feels like if she doesn't thank me that I'll become bitter, which isn't the case at all. I mean, if she just said "thanks baby" and gave me a peck on the cheek, that'd be awesome. But it's the full blown "thank you so much for everything" and I don't know how to respond to that... because it wasn't a big deal to me to drive her somewhere... I think I ought to just talk to her about it. Something like "Babe I hope that you don't feel obligated to thank me every time I do something for ya, it's nice to hear, but I do stuff for you because I'm just glad to see you smile and make you happy." ... or something. *shrug*

Alright anyway, on to other things. There are TIMES where we get done doing the dirty, or just laying there, or hell just gazing into eachothers eyes... that I almost let a dreaded "I love you" slip out, and man I have to bite my tongue hard. Those are 3 words that I'm not gonna say til I know she's gonna say it back, and more importantly, that I can say and MEAN them. But on the same train of thought... get this. --

The other night... we're at her house drinking, and her ex-bf comes over after work. It's not a big deal, I'm friends with him (through her of course.. I didn't know him before I met her), and he's occasionally over, he's a family friend really. So anyway, they go off once to smoke in his car (marijuana), and then come inside, and they go out to the garage to smoke a cigarette. When she came in from the car (before the garage) she insisted that I come to the garage, well didn't insist.. but asked like 5 times if I wanted to go, and I said "naw I'm good.." and she made SURE that I was fine sittin there... And I was, but I was also just bein stubborn because I'm like that when I get moody. Anyway so I talk with her mom for a while and they come in about 15 minutes later. And honestly, I have to admit, I was starting to get a little frustrated with the situation, because well, I think anyone would.. that's some shady business, but I didn't say a word about it. So anyway about 5 minutes later, in front of her ex, asks me to go to the other room because she wants to talk to me about something... So she brings me in there and pretty much makes sure I'm ok and assures me that everything is fine... and I told her that I know her and her ex are still friends and I respect that and their privacy and didn't want to intrude on their talky-time. Anyway I just thought it was really considerate of her to bring me in the other room just to tell me that, and to tell me not to worry about anything. Girls, that's a big plus for you, courtesy is awesome when it comes to stuff like that.

So after that little talk I told her "I think... that... I'm kind of really starting to fall for you" and she just stared in my eyes for a few seconds with her jaw just dropped... and told me she thinks she's falling for me too... and we talked about that for a little bit, and she said "baby I'm not acusing you of this, but I just have to say it... If you're just saying all this (meaning like saying it and not meaning it) -- for whatever reason... please just stop." And I told her that I swear from the bottom of my heart that I mean every word of it. And she just kissed me really hard. That right there is like, what tells me, that she WANTS a relationship, and not just a dating fling thing... and of course the spontanious "I'm so glad we're together"'s and "I hope that we're together for a long time"'s and stuff.

But god damnit... I'm still worried things are just gonna die off between us. And there's still things that randomly happen that kinda set off red flags... Like just now for instance, she called me... and we're talking.. then I hear some ruckus at her place, and then a "who is it?" and suddenly "Hey, my sister wants to talk to you for a minute" and I hear this "what the hell?" from her sister... and she's gone for a few minutes. She comes back and is like OK, and I'm like "woah what was that all about" and I get some shoddy story. I dunno, it's madness, maybe I'm just insane and overly skittish about blindly trusting my girlfriend. I used to never care about things like that, but now I notice them whenever they happen, and it bugs me, and I sit and think about it and start feelin sorry for myself and crap. It sucks, a lot.

I feel that, with her age, and my age... she is looking for someone who can commit, and so far seems to be pretty courteous towards me, and seems like she wants me around. I don't want to intrude into her personal space, I want her to be able to breathe and have me not around all the time, and of course, for my personal space, too. She's usually the one who calls me, unless it's when I get off work and I'll sometimes call her because well, I just got off work and I'm excited to see what's goin on and what the day holds. I mean, from typing all this, it seems like she wants to be with me, and I have nothing to worry about... I guess I'm just scared she is going to get bored, and move on... and I hate the downfall of a relationship, it's such a crappy time.

Anyways that's my story... that's "me" right now. I want to tell her I love her, but I don't want to freak her out. I feel like I do love her, and I feel like I could stay with her for a very long time... It just freaks me out because she's 17 and most girls around that age want to explore and find out who they are, and usually ditch whoever they are with, or just play them on the side. And god damnit gah I don't want that to happen *cry* -- We always have a good time when we are together, not meaning that we always are having fun and stuff, but just that, I enjoy spending my time with her, even if we are just sittin there being bored together, and watch TV. In all honesty I'd rather just stay in and do that, then say, go see a movie... but then that leads to me just being at her place all the time and yeah, I can't wear out the ol' welcome wagon... those wheels aren't too sturdy! Hehe.

So yeah, if someone, anyone, could just give some input on what they see from all this. Should I be worried about her age and commitment? Think I should be freakin out about that "hot guy" at work that I noticed? hehehe... I dunno really what to ask... Am I thinking ahead too much, worrying about the future? Well I already know that anwser, yes... But yeah. Anyone, someone, please for the love of god, just respond to this in some way, give me some critiques or something... Hell I don't know. Just tell me what you think of my situation. Thanks all and I hope ya enjoyed the read.
08-02-06, 07:16 PM
Svanire

Firstly, you are way to paranoid about what CAN or MIGHT happen. If things happen there going to happen regardless how much you worry about them. If you worry too much your going to cause yourself a mental complex. Sit down write all your issues on a peice of paper. Think through them and you might notice that they arent really that important. Just have fun, if things gets more serious good, dont attatch yourself to quickly as you said breathing space is good.

DO NOT worry about
- Other men
- Her age (just dont go overboard)
- Who really cares what other people think, let them judge
- If its going to end

Good luck, have a nice life.
08-02-06, 10:24 PM
SONOIL

I've always believed that there's no friends between Guys and Girls and the fact that her ex still around bothers me. You mentioned something about her privacy with HIM? What kind of privacy if: 1st. He's her ex, 2nd. You are around and into her, 3rd. He is a guy damit! Think about it... If you were hanging out with your ex and was getting some "privacy" while her bf was around, wouldn't you try to remember good times with her by trying to grab atleast, may be just to prove to yourself that you are macho, and that you had that piece of ass before him? And you said he hangs out at her house all the time...........Why? Yes you should respect her privacy, like with her parents, girlfriends, pharmacist, but not with her ex smoking weed. Plus if she's into you so much, why would she want to see him anyways? I thinhk you should tell her how you feel about her and see what she says. Good Luck.

P.S. And thanks for reply to my post man, it really helped. Emancipation of women is their biggest curse!
09-02-06, 07:42 AM
WhatToDo20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lionos

I've always believed that there's no friends between Guys and Girls and the fact that her ex still around bothers me. You mentioned something about her privacy with HIM? What kind of privacy if: 1st. He's her ex, 2nd. You are around and into her, 3rd. He is a guy damit! Think about it... If you were hanging out with your ex and was getting some "privacy" while her bf was around, wouldn't you try to remember good times with her by trying to grab atleast, may be just to prove to yourself that you are macho, and that you had that piece of ass before him? And you said he hangs out at her house all the time...........Why? Yes you should respect her privacy, like with her parents, girlfriends, pharmacist, but not with her ex smoking weed. Plus if she's into you so much, why would she want to see him anyways? I thinhk you should tell her how you feel about her and see what she says. Good Luck.

P.S. And thanks for reply to my post man, it really helped. Emancipation of women is their biggest curse!

Hehe, yargh... Emancipation is never fun ;-)

But as to why the guy is around a lot of the time, is well.. he is a family friend. He's good friends with their mom, and friends with a current resident at their house. He doesn't come over just to see her, as far as I know... if that were the case the girl would be gone already ;-) I dunno I think what's best is if I just sit back and observe the situation... realistically she's the one who always calls me and whatnot... it used to be the other way around, I'd always call her, but now, somehow the tables have turned. Anyway we'll see what happens and I'll let you all know... I'll tell her what I have to say tonight and report back. Either way, good or bad, I'd rather have it end than be caught in lingo... and if it turns out for the better, well then there's gonna be a lot more bumps haha, there always is! Relationships suck! :-p
09-02-06, 08:46 AM
Rosebud

I think she says thank you all the time because she really does appreciate what you do for her, and maybe it's not a big deal to you but she hasn't had anyone do those things for her before. Or she could just be a nice person. I do the same thing, i thank my Bf all teht ime for stuff he does. I don't think it's obligation at all, and I wouldn't worry about talking to her about it.

You have to stop worrying about every little thing. Yes your going to notice things more becasue your guard is up from your past relationship but like someone saod above you can't be worrying about what could happen in the future. If you do your going to ruin this good thing you have. And there isn't that big of a difference by your ages. She sounds like she's really into you and you should be happy, not worried by all this.

All by all means you have to judge when to tell someone you love them but I would give it time instead of jumping the gun on that. Make sure you know for sure before you say anything!
10-02-06, 07:10 AM
Pears

Svanire, very nice post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhatToDo20

realistically she's the one who always calls me and whatnot... it used to be the other way around, I'd always call her, but now, somehow the tables have turned.

When you're giving her a lot of attention, she may feel overwhelmed and pull back a little, but when you slow down with the attention-giving, she will start going to you for more. She could have realized that after all the times you've given her attention, she really likes you.

You said that she keeps thanking you for everything and trying to keep you happy. After she smoked with her ex, she took you aside to tell you that she likes you. That sounds like she felt guilty of being around her ex for some reason. Maybe she doesn't want you to think anything bad happened. She may be getting clingy to you. She may not want to lose you so she is being extra courteous.

Don't worry too much about the future. I believe that whether or not any promises are made, nothing is ever permanent. People are likely to change and you never know what is going to happen regardless of whether someone promises or not. It is useless to worry about things we have no control over.
11-02-06, 03:33 AM
WhatToDo20

update

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pears

Svanire, very nice post.

When you're giving her a lot of attention, she may feel overwhelmed and pull back a little, but when you slow down with the attention-giving, she will start going to you for more. She could have realized that after all the times you've given her attention, she really likes you.

You said that she keeps thanking you for everything and trying to keep you happy. After she smoked with her ex, she took you aside to tell you that she likes you. That sounds like she felt guilty of being around her ex for some reason. Maybe she doesn't want you to think anything bad happened. She may be getting clingy to you. She may not want to lose you so she is being extra courteous.

Don't worry too much about the future. I believe that whether or not any promises are made, nothing is ever permanent. People are likely to change and you never know what is going to happen regardless of whether someone promises or not. It is useless to worry about things we have no control over.

Hehe yeah... definately don't want to smother a girl. Last night her and I had a big ol' talk about everything... and we got on to the topic of pregnancy because well, her and I haven't been practicing safe sex... not even the pull out method, kinda dumb on both of our parts. But I told her that no matter what happens (if she got pregnant) that I would stay by her side every step of the way, and wouldn't just run away or get freaked out. She said that it would probably change how I feel about her, and I told her it wouldn't change anything... she seems more nervous about how I feel about her than me worrying about her... which can be a good thing, for me anyway, because I just reassure her that I really do care for her, and she likes that... and I like that she likes that... :P hehe

Someway or another we got onto the topic of "me always doing things for her" (like taking her to work.. or like this morning, she left her work hat in my car and she missed her bus looking for it, so I drove it over and took her to work)... and I told her that I don't do the things I do to "score points" or to "look good" ... I do them because it's just who I am, if something needs to be done, then I do it and don't give it a second thought... and that she doesn't need to feel in debt to me in any way. And she said that she loves that about me, so that's cool.

Last night we went to dinner with her sister and one of my friends, and I snuck away from the table and told the waiter that it was her birthday (it wasn't hehe) -- cuz they were singing happy birthday to like 3 other people that night and we had made a comment on it hehe... but yeah I got back to the table and was like.. so yeah, it's your birthday today! And she was like "oh my god" haha, it was cool. I think she likes that sort of spontaneality (or however you spell that)... and they came over and sang to her at the end of our meal, and brought her a free icecream sunday... and she just had this look in her eye when she looked at me like "damn you!" but in a good way. Then we sorta just goofed off a little bit and she was like come here I wanna give you a kiss, and so I did and she slapped a tomatoe slice on my face! :P hehe yah... it was cool though cuz that's the first time we've ever really done any just "silly boyfriend girlfriend" stuff like that, and I liked it.

Anyway... it seems like things are going well, and you all are right... No one knows what the future holds, and it's pointless to just worry about it. Whatever happens, happens. Either way I'm glad to have got to know her a little better and spend the time that I have with her, and I definately know now, that there are girls out there that aren't ALLLLL evil, but all girls are partly evil because well, they are girls! ;) I'm just glad to know not everyone is like my ex... because living that life of constant paranoia sucks hard... I could never be truly happy like that.

I mean, the way I see it... if she decides that she wants to date someone else, then that's her choice and I have no place to try and make her feel bad about it, or get really upset. Of course I'd be a little bummed, but I'd be glad for her because well yeah, she's gotta do what she's gotta do.... And trust me, girls will do what they want to do ;) Whether you try and stop them or not.

My buddy last night was talking about how he was going to break up with his girlfriend of two years, and didn't really know how to do it, so came to me for help... And I asked him why he wants to break up with her, and he said he just wants to see what else is out there. Perfectly understandable. I told him that, instead of coming up with an "excuse" to break up with her, he needs to just go tell her how he feels, and in the end that's gonna be a lot better for both of them -- telling the truth -- instead of making an excuse as to why he "cant" date her anymore. I told him that it's a decision he needs to make for himself, because ultimately, it is his life.. and if he just tells her he needs some space to find out what he wants and needs in life, then it might just come around 6 months later or so that they get back together, I mean you never know. But yeah... That was kinda off topic sorry...

Anyway thanks for all the input guys, I appriciate it! :)