What price for piece of mind?

Hey guys,

I've made a few posts about this girl I met at work, went out with a couple of times, I perhaps overdid it on the enthusiasm front, she doesn't talk to me that much anymore, and so and so forth, blah blah blah. Right now I really don't know where I stand with her, and it's REALLY getting me down! :( Thing is, we were friends before we 'saw' each other and now she's just really unenthusiastic about talking to me, txting me, on MSN etc. And I JUST DON'T GET IT!!!
Before going on holiday recently I apologised for being a jerk (cos I was being all shy and avoiding her a wee bit!). Talk about WUSS behaviour! Anyway, she txted me back and asked me to txt her when I got back from holiday, which I did. She replied to one txt message but then has subsequently failed to do so for the 2nd. I mean, does this mean anything?? Should I ask her straight out what the problem is?? Should I phone her?? Does she want me to phone her?? She said at one point she doesn't like phone conversations!! It's difficult because she's away at the moment working somewhere else and I can't see her.

What's really freaking me out though is that I might be joining her for 5 days or so at the same place of work again and I really don't want to be awkard AT ALL!! She's a lovely girl and I don't want to **** things up!! What should I do???? I can't forget about her because she keeps on climbing into my memory!!!!

Sorry for the long ramble but this has been gettin me really down for some time now!! :upset:

Thanks

I'm confused.

What has stopped you? What is slowing YOU down? Is all this fuss because she didn't answer a text message you sent?

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Originally Posted by smallspirit

Before going on holiday recently I apologised for being a jerk (cos I was being all shy and avoiding her a wee bit!). Talk about WUSS behaviour!

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Yeah that definately was wuss behavior, LoL.

It's okay though, you can recover. Stop making a mountain out of a mole hill. So she didn't answer a text. Is that going to stop you from pursuing your interest??? Turn it up a notch, fella. You just have to step your game up a bit.. you have to pique her interest.. you know.. be more interesting/exciting/mysterious.. *most* girls don't like the "Are you okay? Is everything alright? I'm really sorry I didn't know you hate green peppers... I'll be sure to burn the rest.. oh your thumb hurts?? You can have mine, give me a second to get my knife.." timid/scared guys that pretty much just bow down in front of a woman..

How is your confidence around her? And tell me again, is all this over the fact she didn't answer your text?? What's the problem besides the text she didn't answer??

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Originally Posted by Tone

I'm confused.

What has stopped you? What is slowing YOU down? Is all this fuss because she didn't answer a text message you sent?


Yeah that definately was wuss behavior, LoL.

It's okay though, you can recover. Stop making a mountain out of a mole hill. So she didn't answer a text. Is that going to stop you from pursuing your interest??? Turn it up a notch, fella. You just have to step your game up a bit.. you have to pique her interest.. you know.. be more interesting/exciting/mysterious.. *most* girls don't like the "Are you okay? Is everything alright? I'm really sorry I didn't know you hate green peppers... I'll be sure to burn the rest.. oh your thumb hurts?? You can have mine, give me a second to get my knife.." timid/scared guys that pretty much just bow down in front of a woman..

How is your confidence around her? And tell me again, is all this over the fact she didn't answer your text?? What's the problem besides the text she didn't answer??

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Not just because of one text no. The weirdness kinda started after a work night out over 3 weeks ago now. She stopped coming to see me in my department at work (although our shifts changed which didn't help), wasn't as fun on MSN as she was, started returning my texts as one word answers and so on. I did phone her at the time and she explained she'd just stopped seeing someone (was the shittest phone convo ever!).

You think she wanted me to make more effort to make things interesting? It's hard when you leave in a small place like mine to do stuff, especially when the only real way to get to her place is by car, and apparently her dad is quite a strict fella (even though I met him at the work night out - he actually told me not to upset his daughter which kinda freaked me out!). And now I possibly have!! :upset:

Here's the rub, I'm 23, and have not had a 'girlfriend' as such. I'm not a virgin but any girl I've seen has only lasted a month at most, either because she or I got bored. It's all about confidence, and being comfortable with yourself I know!! It was cool when we were friends, and the convo was flowing, but now I feel awkward. It's not as easy as it looks to just pretend you're friends and talk to her like that!

I feel like such a freakin failure! :upset:

Well stop, guy. You're not a failure. You just need more experience, so use this opportunity for just that - to gain experience!

I think you need to find out where you stand with her.. why not plan a fun day for you two? Like a picnic at the park, goin for a walk/hike.. bike riding, etc. See how she reacts?

Don't assume you are the problem here.. she just got out of seeing someone, maybe it's got her throwed off.

Good luck. Please keep us posted.

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Originally Posted by Tone

Well stop, guy. You're not a failure. You just need more experience, so use this opportunity for just that - to gain experience!

I think you need to find out where you stand with her.. why not plan a fun day for you two? Like a picnic at the park, goin for a walk/hike.. bike riding, etc. See how she reacts?

Don't assume you are the problem here.. she just got out of seeing someone, maybe it's got her throwed off.

Good luck. Please keep us posted.

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I think that when I first met her, I could possibly have come across as a supremely confident kind of guy. I've gotten good at putting on a facade if you like! But when I realised that she actually did like me more than a friend, the whole facade dropped like a stone, and I probably seemed quite needy and clingy. I didn't want to lose her, and by acting like that I think I've scared her away. That's my view on what happened.

It's kinda hard to do anything with her. She's at least an hour and a halfs drive away in a town I don't know. Worse still, I think she's moving away to the city when she gets back in a month or so. I don't want to leave things like this, but I don't know what to do, what to say!?!?!... Any use in phoning her?!

:(

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Originally Posted by Smallspirit

Talk about WUSS behaviour!

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Yepp! No offense, but it seems that you kinda act that way...a lot. Your username "smallspirit," your avatar, the way you acted "shy," etc, etc, etc...

This needs to go away. I don't know a single girl that likes a wuss quality in a guy, and personally, I don't either. Gotta fix that bro.

Another tip, the over-enthusiasm is most likely a major turn-off. This gets you in the "Just Friends" list...forever.

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Originally Posted by Smallspirit

I think that when I first met her, I could possibly have come across as a supremely confident kind of guy. I've gotten good at putting on a facade if you like! But when I realised that she actually did like me more than a friend, the whole facade dropped like a stone, and I probably seemed quite needy and clingy. I didn't want to lose her, and by acting like that I think I've scared her away. That's my view on what happened.

It's kinda hard to do anything with her. She's at least an hour and a halfs drive away in a town I don't know. Worse still, I think she's moving away to the city when she gets back in a month or so. I don't want to leave things like this, but I don't know what to do, what to say!?!?!... Any use in phoning her?!

:(

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I already told you what I think.. I think you need to find out exactly where you stand with her.

As for your problem about being able to talk to her when you were friends, but not able to talk to her now... don't think that a relationship changes the conversation. It's not like your talking changes suddenly after you make that transition from friend to more. I believe that the connection comes through the verbal (and body) communication. If you feel awkward when with her now that you're in a relationship, there's something wrong. I know that you haven't been in a real relationship, but think of it as 'maybe this will be the time I will have that relationship'. Don't become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you haven't had a gf yet, consciously try to not be awkward around her... doing that will make sure you won't have one.

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Originally Posted by Tone

I already told you what I think.. I think you need to find out exactly where you stand with her.

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I know, you are very right Tone. But I'm scared of what she's gonna say, or not say for that matter. That's part of the whole 'game' I suppose but it's still tough. Millions of folk probably go through this stuff everyday but why the hell do I feel that I'm any different! I don't get it!

I'm planning on phoning her tomorrow to try and find out what's on her mind. I'm worried that the conversation will turn out to be horrible like last time. I've got too many doubts in my head before I've even picked up the phone...that's one major problem!! And another is, I don't know how to procede with the conversation without scaring her off. Should I act like there's nothing wrong initially to test the water, get the conversation flowing a bit, then just hit her with it? Or is that a real bad idea, and should i just ask her straight out? She's 4 years younger than me and maybe a wee bit immature, but I don't want to make it look like I'm being a dick!

Really, I'm this self-conscious, and I freakin hate it!

We all are.

We just all have different ways of dealing with it.

I think it'd be better to talk it over in person, too. Not over the phone. I say you try to make plans to hang out with her.

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Originally Posted by Tone

We all are.

We just all have different ways of dealing with it.

I think it'd be better to talk it over in person, too. Not over the phone. I say you try to make plans to hang out with her.

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I'd love to do that but I'd need to phone her in the first place to make plans + the likelihood of being able to see her within the next 2-3 weeks is virtually zero. My thinking is that I should wait until she comes back from ******* and talk to her then. Would this be a bad idea especially if she hasn't contacted me before she comes back? Should I let her decide now if she wants to txt me or contact me? I'm just seriously miffed right now! :sad2: Although I have ideas of why she might not be speaking to me I don't want to bring it up incase I'm way off the mark!!